To have intervened to save the dinner?!

[lalaland2024]

We have a Christmas tradition whereby Christmas Day is spent with my eldest DD from previous relationship, DP and I, and our toddler DD. DP's kids from previous relationship (both teens) spend it with their mum and come over Boxing Day to ours for a dinner that DP cooks.

Today DP is appearing to be mega insanely stressed trying to prep this dinner. He has his teen son helping him, but honestly the chaos and clattering that's coming from the kitchen. So I went to investigate. The pair of them are just haphazardly chopping veg etc. I asked if they needed a hand - no, it's all under control apparently. I asked DP what time the turkey needed to come out the oven given it's been in there since 8am. He said "any time now as it needed 5 hours" (its bloody huge) and then he started to take it out the oven. However this was at 12pm. So I pointed out it's not been 5 hours yet and it needs another hour. Stressed he was saying "oh right yeah, ok, I'll put it back". I then asked if they needed a hand again, no it's all fine. I asked if they had a plan for timings (which I know are hard to get right with so many things to cook, and also with him not seemingly aware he was about to undercook the turkey by an hour, I felt the need to check). No plan, I'm told. We don't need one.

Anyway, I said I think it would be helpful if you had one and I'm happy to help? So I wrote down the timings of everything they were cooking, working backwards so they knew what to put in the oven and when etc (he's going all out and cooking about 8 different veg / things with the dinner). I put together a clear list of what goes in the oven when and handed it to his son, his son was like yeah I think that's a good idea actually thanks. DP just ignored me and carried on.

AIBU that you cannot cook something on the scale of a dinner this size, with about 8-9 items with different timings, without some sort of vague plan? His haphazard approach is just a reflection of who he is as a person tbh. I'm the thinker/planner and he just cracks on without a thought. But we'd have been eating undercooked turkey had I not intervened. And to be fair, last year I had no part in the Boxing Day dinner making, and all of the veg was massively undercooked- the carrots were basically crunchy and raw. So I wanted to help him, But then part of me thinks, am I micromanaging him?

So basically - I'm asking was the plan necessary for this task, or should I have just left him to it?

You're desperately trying to prove that your idea of a plan was correct

That's irrelevant imo

You were controlling and interfering and should have backed off after asking the previous evening

Sorry but this sounds like you want some sort of gratitude for swooping in and being the hero.

My OH has form for this. Even a standard roast, I will walk into the kitchen and try to ask what time dinner will be...may casually ask when the meats going in (as erm we wont be eating before 7pm if he doesn't get a move on

Well I'm peeling the carrots first he will say...' even known him the other year to put the carrots on before the meat and roasties 😅

What is “wowzers” 🤢 is you have blended family, a husband who has a tradition of lovingly cooking his family, with particular regards to his oldest (and likely most excluded) children, a meal on Boxing Day, and all you seem
focused on is micromanaging the situation because it’s not being handled how you want it to be. And now you’re threatening to “ban” your husband from doing this nice act for HIS children next year. It’s just sad that you’d rather have control over everything than just allow him to get on with a lovely tradition.

Merry Christmas indeed.

Not the point of the thread but how can a turkey take 5 hours? Even a 10kg one doesn’t take that long. No wonder people complain that turkey is dry 😂

It weighed 800g ( we don't like turkey much)

Yes.
I’ve been cooking a roast dinner nearly every week for the last 45 years, but I still make a plan for Christmas Day.
Im cooking more items for more people and I’ve usually started the day with a Buck’s Fizz so it just makes everything so much easier.

You asked if people write down timings - everything is timed to the hilt but I only cook a medium chicken instead of turkey as there are only 4 adults and 1 child at dinner. 2hrs from start to finish! I’m so impressed with it I’ve shared with everyone I know 😂

Fair play, I didn't even know you could get turkey's that small. We don't like turkey either, I'd rather do a large chicken. Although we do beef for Christmas because it's DHs favourite. And makes excellent gravy, yorkies and potatoes.

Yes and prepared herself for the salmonella and undercooked veg.

@HaddawayAndShite

Stop projecting your shit all over my thread.

His kids are not "excluded".

And the comment about banning next year without a detailed itinerary was - quite obviously I thought - a JOKE. Hence why it was followed by these emojis: 😂😂 For reference, these emojis are typically used to depict a light hearted comment or joke.

I do hope you enjoy the rest of your Christmas, you sound awfully unhappy.

Oh god 😂

Do you think restaurant chefs need a written plan?

To be fair it's a fecking humongous Turkey!! But despite the 5 hours cooking it actually wasn't dry all, quite lovely actually😀

I am the thinker/planner and DH is also haphazard “it’ll all work out” kind but even he has a detailed plan for timings for Christmas dinner!

I think you were ok to ask but then once he says he’s fine you leave him to it. Then bring it up earlier next year that the timings didn’t really work and you think a timetable would help.

I honestly don't know? Hence why I posted to ask if this was the norm 😀

My mother does similar. I am working in the kitchen and she will come in and give "helpful" comments on how I could do it better, none of which have been asked for. I now stop whatever I am doing and stand and wait for her to go away before I continue. It really is unbearable to be micromanaged in that way.

Glad it worked out well. I never write down timings but I do quite frequently make a roast so I have a fairly good idea of how long each dish will take and I just mentally subtract the timings from the point at which it is ready. Maybe if you say how nice it was he might cook a few more roasts over the course of the year and will be more organised in future. Trying to micromanage it will just discourage him and make it less fun.

You say that as if it is a problem 😂

If it's just for family, I wouldn't have a written plan, but I would have thought it all through (but then I cook all the time).

If it was something that sounds this massive, I might write something down, just to keep it all clear (or I'd queue it all up on a table in roughly the right order)

I can see why you're itching to help, since the lack of plan is what's making it stressful for your DP - but I think, since your DSS is training to be a chef, what you need to do is have a quiet word with him, and get him to step up rather than interfere yourself, because it's probably not going to be taken as well coming from you

Ah bless him! Let him crack on with it as it seems important to him to do it. OP if you came in to me when I was cooking, writing down timings and interfering (to me that’s what you were doing) I’d tell you to leave! I never do a written plan - didn’t know that was a thing people did as standard except on Bake Off! I just go with the flow - never poisoned anyone yet 🤞😅

I’ve been cooking for my family for over 20 years and I write a list with timings for Christmas dinner. There are too many things with different timings and temperatures for me to get it all out at a similar time otherwise. So I totally agree with you on that OP.
My DH who doesn’t really cook, also came into the kitchen a few times and offered “helpful” annoying advice too. We laughed while I politely told him to get the fudge out of my kitchen 🤣 This is similar to how I read your original post, a bit lighthearted, no big awful drama!
I'm glad it turned out well.

Behaving like his mum is icky

I'm not a list person so I never write down anything.
I knew the turkey would need to rest while the rest of the veg cooked so basically if turkey is going to be ready about an hour and half before you plan to eat it works out about right. Hour for roasted veg half hour for serving up, doing gravy and last bits etc. Usually works out fine and everything is still hot enough.

Let them crack on , it’ll all come together even if late