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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD taking home the vodka she brought to 'contribute' to Christmas

245 replies

Twigletgirl27 · 26/12/2023 12:15

My DSD is 31 and for context doesn't work, I don't think she ever had in the 13 years I've known her. She has a flat about 20 miles from us.

She comes to us for Christmas every year and her dad asks her to bring a contribution for the day, which is usually the alcohol she drinks. I wouldn't dream of asking for money towards the meal but feel bringing something is the right and thoughtful thing to do (though she needs to be reminded every year).....

She brought vodka and seemed to have a few, mixed with coke, over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day which she made herself. However this morning when packing to go a two thirds full bottle of vodka is with her stuff to take home. So clearly she has been drinking our booze and even this tiny contribution to the day she is taking home.

Her dad says he will speak to her at some point. I know she'd make a scene, shouting and slamming doors (yes, at 31...) so today probably wasn't a good day, but am I being petty and unreasonable expecting her to leave the vodka here? I would have happily drank it!

OP posts:
TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 12:16

If she was the only one who drank it, she probably thinks no-one else will so she might as well take it home?

Gardeningtime · 26/12/2023 12:17

Well yes it’s polite to leave it, but I couldn’t get worked up about wanting her vodka and I don’t ask my adult children to contribute ti the meal, as a host, I am happy to provide.

DragonFly98 · 26/12/2023 12:18

Honestly does it really matter, are there not more important things going in on your life that the ownership of a partial bottle of vodka.

Tilllly · 26/12/2023 12:18

She sounds painful but this isn't worth it

It's a symptom, not the real issue

MrsPinkSky · 26/12/2023 12:18

I wouldn't want a 2 thirds full bottle of vodka off my stepchild if they didn't have much money.

And I'm assuming she doesn't otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned her not working?

Bollindger · 26/12/2023 12:19

Not a hill to die on at this time of year.

Twiglets1 · 26/12/2023 12:20

She should have at least asked if anyone else likes vodka. Then if so she should have left it behind.

A strange drink to bring anyway. Would have thought a bottle of champagne or wine would be more appropriate.

ManateeFair · 26/12/2023 12:20

I couldn’t get worked up over this.

CorylusAgain · 26/12/2023 12:20

Does it matter enough to create bad feeling about?

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 12:20

Gardeningtime · 26/12/2023 12:17

Well yes it’s polite to leave it, but I couldn’t get worked up about wanting her vodka and I don’t ask my adult children to contribute ti the meal, as a host, I am happy to provide.

I can't ever remember my parents or inlaws asking us to bring anything when we've been invited for Christmas, in fact they're just the opposite and used to tell us not to, especially if we weren't working and didn't have much money.

Pollyannamex · 26/12/2023 12:20

A partially drank bottle of vodka is not the real issue here so I wouldn’t make a fuss about that

MrsPinkSky · 26/12/2023 12:21

Twiglets1 · 26/12/2023 12:20

She should have at least asked if anyone else likes vodka. Then if so she should have left it behind.

A strange drink to bring anyway. Would have thought a bottle of champagne or wine would be more appropriate.

Have you seen the price of champagne?

etmoiandme · 26/12/2023 12:21

I think it would be a bit mean-spirited of you both to have a go at her about this if it's going to cause a scene. At worst, it was a bit thoughtless and impolite of her.

mumsytoon · 26/12/2023 12:21

I would just write her off in your mind. She sounds like a lost cause and not worth your headspace. 31, never worked, kicking off about normal things, bad manners, this isn't someone who you could reason with. Let her dad have a word with her and leave it.

unvillage · 26/12/2023 12:22

If you're as obvious in real life about your dislike of her as you are on here, she probably thought "fuck her".

DustyLee123 · 26/12/2023 12:22

I really wouldn’t bother about it.

TummyTuckNameChange · 26/12/2023 12:22

Feels like you are just after falling out with her.
Be a gracious host, counting now much people had to drink and making sure you end up with the leftover vodka is not that.

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 12:23

mumsytoon · 26/12/2023 12:21

I would just write her off in your mind. She sounds like a lost cause and not worth your headspace. 31, never worked, kicking off about normal things, bad manners, this isn't someone who you could reason with. Let her dad have a word with her and leave it.

It depends on why she's never worked.

Does she have mental health issues OP?

Who pays her rent/food/bills etc?

Scarletttulips · 26/12/2023 12:23

She may want it for New Year’s Eve.
it’s a half opened bottle.
My teens take drink to parties and bring it home with them.

It’s not unusual.

etmoiandme · 26/12/2023 12:23

@unvillage That did cross my mind too, and I generally tend to see the best in people!

Motnight · 26/12/2023 12:23

Scarletttulips · 26/12/2023 12:23

She may want it for New Year’s Eve.
it’s a half opened bottle.
My teens take drink to parties and bring it home with them.

It’s not unusual.

She's 31!!

Gardeningtime · 26/12/2023 12:23

It also feels like op you think you’re doing her a favour inviting her for Xmas, and that deep down you’d like to ask her for money. And wanting to drink her vodka, is just quite odd.

TaffimaiMetallumai · 26/12/2023 12:23

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NotARealWookiie · 26/12/2023 12:23

It’s not good manners on her part but I agree with others…it’s not a hill to die on.

CuttyShark · 26/12/2023 12:24

unvillage · 26/12/2023 12:22

If you're as obvious in real life about your dislike of her as you are on here, she probably thought "fuck her".

Exactly my thoughts.