DSD taking home the vodka she brought to 'contribute' to Christmas

[Twigletgirl27]

My DSD is 31 and for context doesn't work, I don't think she ever had in the 13 years I've known her. She has a flat about 20 miles from us.

She comes to us for Christmas every year and her dad asks her to bring a contribution for the day, which is usually the alcohol she drinks. I wouldn't dream of asking for money towards the meal but feel bringing something is the right and thoughtful thing to do (though she needs to be reminded every year).....

She brought vodka and seemed to have a few, mixed with coke, over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day which she made herself. However this morning when packing to go a two thirds full bottle of vodka is with her stuff to take home. So clearly she has been drinking our booze and even this tiny contribution to the day she is taking home.

Her dad says he will speak to her at some point. I know she'd make a scene, shouting and slamming doors (yes, at 31...) so today probably wasn't a good day, but am I being petty and unreasonable expecting her to leave the vodka here? I would have happily drank it!

And skint.

Stop asking her to contribute when you know she won't.

Just accept that she is a taker not a giver.

My mum bought me a nice bottle of
vodka and dh gin to say thank you for hosting yesterday.
We hosted for 19 on christmas Day and provided everything as the hosts.
Mum also bought herself round a bottle of vodka as she wanted a couple even though I have loads! At the end of the day I gave her bottle back to her - it cost £50, I wouldn’t expect her to leave it here, it was full!
Let it go Op, if she doesn’t work for whatever reason (not my business) she’s more than likely skint!

Yes and supermarket champagne isn’t much more expensive than vodka. And she’s an adult and is getting expensive food for free.

Plus I said champagne or wine. If she can afford vodka she can afford wine which more people would enjoy with Christmas food.

She was asked to bring the alcohol she drinks. She did. She drank it. Then she took home the alcohol she had brought to drink but she hadn't drunk. Its really not a big deal

31
Im presuming she has additional needs etc ?

She comes to us for Christmas every year and her dad asks her to bring a contribution for the day,

Next time specify she brings pudding. Her father can tell her which one, ie Christmas pudding, or a cheesecake or yule log. Something you will all eat. He can also tell her to bring her own alcoholic drinks if she wants one. He needs to do it, and if he won't then tell him it's time she found alternative arrangements as you are finding yourself getting resentful at the whole situation and you want changes.

Or continue in this way for the next thirty years.

Whatever people may say on here it’s not unreasonable for you to have expected her to leave the vodka behind @Twigletgirl27 Shes acting like a teenager at the age of 31, that’s a shame for her really as it suggests she is struggling to grow up in probably many ways.

Nevertheless, it’s not the time to make a fuss about it. An emotional time of year puts a lot of families under strain.

I hosted yesterday.
I just packed up the stuff that family brought that we don't eat or drink so they can take it back home with them.
I don't see the issue

Bit of an overreaction really, would be different if it was a half full bottle of wine I think. Also since you pointed out she doesn’t work I’d assume low funds?

If I take gin to a party I usually take it home if there’s still some left!

Sounds like good reasoning though - the DSD sounds like a waste of space.

I wouldn’t expect anything from someone who hasn’t worked in so long. I might slip them some money to go out with or buy something nice she otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford.

She’s only there for a short time, occupy yourself with other things that make you happy. Your life is much more privileged than hers, be content with that.

"Whatever people may say on here"

AKA 'I know better than everyone, so only listen to me' 🤣🤣

I wouldn’t even entertain raising this with her. She is very obviously a lost cause. Move on and enjoy the rest of the festive period.

How nasty.

Why does she sound like a waste of space?

I wouldn’t mention it but in future I would say can you bring X and any alcohol you want to contribute, perhaps a dessert (but have a frozen one just in case).

She may be selfish or she may think that if she’s the only one who drinks it then why leave it.

Are other people expected to provide a contribution to the day or just your stepdaughter you clearly don't like?

She brought what she drank and took it with her. If you're not working then a bottle of spirits is a lot of money so I would have insisted she took it if she hadn't packed it.

Actually, if I had a child or other relative who clearly didn't have much money and knew they liked a particular drink I'd buy some and let them know so they didn't need to worry.

I would have packed her off with some mince pies and cake too.

She sounds like a bit of a nightmare but I don’t think this is the hill you want to die on is it? So out of everything, it’s because she didn’t leave you a used bottle of vodka that you are annoyed?

The only people I know who take home the booze they brought with them are students.

In my social circle it’s really not the norm to take a bottle of something, help yourself to the hosts drinks instead, and then take home what you brought. People have usually grown out of that student mentality by their 30’s.

Let me guess, she’s single and friendless?

Yes me too!

OP, did you desparately want some vodka?