Page 9 | DSD taking home the vodka she brought to 'contribute' to Christmas

Twigletgirl27 · 2023-12-26T12:15:31+00:00

My DSD is 31 and for context doesn't work, I don't think she ever had in the 13 years I've known her. She has a flat about 20 miles from us. She comes to us for Christmas every year and her dad asks her to bring a contribution for the day, which is usually the alcohol she drinks. I wouldn't dream of asking for money towards the meal but feel bringing something is the right and thoughtful thing to do (though she needs to be reminded every year)..... She brought vodka and seemed to have a few, mixed with coke, over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day which she made herself. However this morning when packing to go a two thirds full bottle of vodka is with her stuff to take home. So clearly she has been drinking our booze and even this tiny contribution to the day she is taking home. Her dad says he will speak to her at some point. I know she'd make a scene, shouting and slamming doors (yes, at 31...) so today probably wasn't a good day, but am I being petty and unreasonable expecting her to leave the vodka here? I would have happily drank it!

GrannyRose15 · 26/12/2023 15:18

DuplicateUserName · 26/12/2023 14:17

Nasty way to treat your step daughter who has problems with alcohol.

Or anyone with alcohol problems for that matter.

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She is an adult and needs to learn not to take her DSM for granted. I don’t see in the OP where it says she has a problem with alcohol but if she had my suggestion is exactly the way to treat her. Allowing an alcoholic unfettered access to a house full of alcohol is a disaster waiting to happen. I am astounded by the number of people on here who are siding with this poor unloved alcoholic workshy brat. Respect goes both ways and she clearly hasn’t got any for her DF and DSM. If it were me I’d be going on holiday next Christmas and leaving her to her own devices.

squashi · 26/12/2023 15:24

It's tight of her, but I think leave it - pick your battles. Your husband could speak to her about it if he wants to.

Kisskiss · 26/12/2023 15:27

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 14:00

FFS it gets worse.

So the OP would happily drink (her words, not mine) the leftover vodka of an unemployed woman with alcohol problems.

The OP and her husband have stooped so low, their knees must be knackered.

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Em, if she has alcohol problems then you 10000000 pct should be taking the alcohol and hopefully helping her get some help with that problem

coldcallerbaiter · 26/12/2023 15:28

Why should the State ie. Taxpayers
keep allowing a person to claim for drug and alcohol issues. It’s self-inflicted. Yes they should get some therapy and help, initially, but it is a lifestyle for them not to pay their way and It is not a disability in the true sense of the word. If you were to stop the ability claim for it, so many would get their act together, the rest would fail.

TitaniasAss · 26/12/2023 15:32

If the DSD does have drug and alcohol problems, it's pretty tragic that the OP is only concerned that she didn't leave her vodka.

TerrysChocolateOrange · 26/12/2023 15:33

Looks like another post and run ladies and gents. 🙂

TitaniasAss · 26/12/2023 15:36

coldcallerbaiter · 26/12/2023 15:28

Why should the State ie. Taxpayers
keep allowing a person to claim for drug and alcohol issues. It’s self-inflicted. Yes they should get some therapy and help, initially, but it is a lifestyle for them not to pay their way and It is not a disability in the true sense of the word. If you were to stop the ability claim for it, so many would get their act together, the rest would fail.

If only it was this simple.

The daughter of a friend of mine developed drug and alcohol problems after a violent sexual attack that almost killed her. We really don't know what the OPs DSD has been through or experienced in her life, so it may be best default to compassion, rather than judgement, in the absence of the full story.

Beezknees · 26/12/2023 15:38

coldcallerbaiter · 26/12/2023 15:28

Why should the State ie. Taxpayers
keep allowing a person to claim for drug and alcohol issues. It’s self-inflicted. Yes they should get some therapy and help, initially, but it is a lifestyle for them not to pay their way and It is not a disability in the true sense of the word. If you were to stop the ability claim for it, so many would get their act together, the rest would fail.

It's a mental health problem and maybe if MH services weren't so underfunded we'd be able to help more people. I'm happy for my taxes to go towards this.

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/12/2023 15:38

TerrysChocolateOrange · 26/12/2023 15:33

Looks like another post and run ladies and gents. 🙂

OP probably is watching and getting replies delete because people are disagreeing.

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 15:39

TitaniasAss · 26/12/2023 15:36

If only it was this simple.

The daughter of a friend of mine developed drug and alcohol problems after a violent sexual attack that almost killed her. We really don't know what the OPs DSD has been through or experienced in her life, so it may be best default to compassion, rather than judgement, in the absence of the full story.

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There's really no point in trying to explain these things to some of the posters on this thread.

If it hasn't penetrated their skulls by the time they've got to adulthood, it just never will.

Charlize43 · 26/12/2023 15:40

If she has no job, buying the vodka would have cost her a lot. It feels mean to begrudge her it. Maybe that's all she has going on in her life at the moment.

I'd count your own blessings instead of getting hung up on such pettiness.

YouTookMyUsername · 26/12/2023 15:41

coldcallerbaiter · 26/12/2023 15:28

Why should the State ie. Taxpayers
keep allowing a person to claim for drug and alcohol issues. It’s self-inflicted. Yes they should get some therapy and help, initially, but it is a lifestyle for them not to pay their way and It is not a disability in the true sense of the word. If you were to stop the ability claim for it, so many would get their act together, the rest would fail.

There are men and teenagers in Afghanistan with opioid addictions, they're al homeless. It's not a choice to be addicted to substances and I sound like someone with no empathy.

TitaniasAss · 26/12/2023 15:41

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 15:39

There's really no point in trying to explain these things to some of the posters on this thread.

If it hasn't penetrated their skulls by the time they've got to adulthood, it just never will.

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That's a very good point @TinselTitts . It's sad though.

YouTookMyUsername · 26/12/2023 15:41

You, not I.

DuplicateUserName · 26/12/2023 15:46

If she'd taken back a cake or a tub of chocolates, some people would be all over the thread with sympathy for someone who might have an eating disorder.

angsanana · 26/12/2023 15:59

If you invite people over you should t have to ask them to contribute. If they don't, they will feel begrudged you asked. Most people will. If you don't want her over don't invite her.

coldcallerbaiter · 26/12/2023 16:20

TitaniasAss · 26/12/2023 15:36

If only it was this simple.

The daughter of a friend of mine developed drug and alcohol problems after a violent sexual attack that almost killed her. We really don't know what the OPs DSD has been through or experienced in her life, so it may be best default to compassion, rather than judgement, in the absence of the full story.

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Same, exact thing happened to my friends daughter and the daughter died in the end….drank herself to death. Being on benefits just kept her in a helpless and dependent position. Her dad says sink or swim might have at least given her the chance to swim. She had family support.

I also do not think taxpayers should have to pay for their upkeep long term. I am compassionate but do not class it as a disability. If we are discussing disability benefits.

BingoWings85 · 26/12/2023 16:40

Do you work, OP?

Beezknees · 26/12/2023 16:52

coldcallerbaiter · 26/12/2023 16:20

Same, exact thing happened to my friends daughter and the daughter died in the end….drank herself to death. Being on benefits just kept her in a helpless and dependent position. Her dad says sink or swim might have at least given her the chance to swim. She had family support.

I also do not think taxpayers should have to pay for their upkeep long term. I am compassionate but do not class it as a disability. If we are discussing disability benefits.

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Whereas I'm sure having a job would have saved her. 🙄

I previously worked with an alcoholic. My bosses felt sorry for him so they hired him. Guess what. He didn't stop being an alcoholic. He drank before starting work. Drove his car to work after drinking. Drank on his lunch break. Spent all his wages on drink and then would actually come round to our houses asking to borrow more money until payday with promises to pay it back.

If it was only as simple as a job curing alcoholism there would be no alcoholics in the world. I have a relative who died in his 40s from alcoholism, he had a job. His only child died at 3 years old by drowning and he drank himself to death after that.

It's mental health services that need to improve to help addicts.

Gardeningtime · 26/12/2023 18:19

Really dismayed at the people saying if your child comes to you for Xmas, they are freeloading.

no wonder so many dysfunctional families and people no contact. I often find I read this forum and find the way people treat their own children and families, their friends, very sad. But your adult child coming to you, classed as freeloading, or wanting to have their vodka as payment, is a new low.

Totallymessed · 26/12/2023 19:00

cansu · 26/12/2023 13:37

You have been complaining about your husbands children for years on here. I think it must be quite difficult coming somewhere you are not really welcome every year. I think if your step children are so dysfunctional there must be some responsibility for this from your dh.

So the OP has a terrible relationship with her stepchildren and is estranged from her own adult children. Would be good to hear her stepdaughter's side of the story....

TitaniasAss · 26/12/2023 19:04

Totallymessed · 26/12/2023 19:00

So the OP has a terrible relationship with her stepchildren and is estranged from her own adult children. Would be good to hear her stepdaughter's side of the story....

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It would be. There seems to be a common denominator.

mapleriver · 26/12/2023 19:21

Love all of the wageslaves calling OP's stepdaughter a waste of space because she doesn't work 😂 That and taking vodka home is all you know about her and now she's a waste of space
OP I bet you'd think differently if it was your own daughter, you obviously just have it in for her because she's your partner's child but presumably you knew he had children before you got with him
You sound really sly asking her dad to speak to his adult daughter about not leaving vodka for you to drink, she's an adult woman. I hope she finds somewhere better to go next Christmas.

Bellyblueboy · 26/12/2023 19:25

mapleriver · 26/12/2023 19:21

Love all of the wageslaves calling OP's stepdaughter a waste of space because she doesn't work 😂 That and taking vodka home is all you know about her and now she's a waste of space
OP I bet you'd think differently if it was your own daughter, you obviously just have it in for her because she's your partner's child but presumably you knew he had children before you got with him
You sound really sly asking her dad to speak to his adult daughter about not leaving vodka for you to drink, she's an adult woman. I hope she finds somewhere better to go next Christmas.

Unless there are major health issues it does feel like a shame that an adult has never found gainful employment.

she is clearly not independently wealthy so we can only assume that her life experience has been limited by lack of funds and having to rely on benefits .so limited freedom, holidays, life experiences, little luxuries, security etc.

It’s not a life I would want for someone I love. I understand it’s the life some people find themselves in through no fault of their own - but we aren’t sure of the reasons in this case.

mapleriver · 26/12/2023 19:28

@Bellyblueboy Yes but that's some people's reality and they don't deserve to be called worthless for it. I wouldn't have a problem with someone calling it sad she has never been employed, just reading through the first few posts and seeing people call her a waste of space because she's not employed was a bit disgusting to me, she probably has mental health issues if she's not working and I'm sure she'd rather be without them. OP too didn't sound like there was much love into the not working comment.
There are also alot of people who DO work that have a lack of luxuries, holidays, life experiences and security.