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Original poster

DSD taking home the vodka she brought to 'contribute' to Christmas

245 replies

Twigletgirl27 · 26/12/2023 12:15

My DSD is 31 and for context doesn't work, I don't think she ever had in the 13 years I've known her. She has a flat about 20 miles from us.

She comes to us for Christmas every year and her dad asks her to bring a contribution for the day, which is usually the alcohol she drinks. I wouldn't dream of asking for money towards the meal but feel bringing something is the right and thoughtful thing to do (though she needs to be reminded every year).....

She brought vodka and seemed to have a few, mixed with coke, over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day which she made herself. However this morning when packing to go a two thirds full bottle of vodka is with her stuff to take home. So clearly she has been drinking our booze and even this tiny contribution to the day she is taking home.

Her dad says he will speak to her at some point. I know she'd make a scene, shouting and slamming doors (yes, at 31...) so today probably wasn't a good day, but am I being petty and unreasonable expecting her to leave the vodka here? I would have happily drank it!

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 26/12/2023 13:09

We always offer any undrunk alcohol that has been brought to ours back to whoever brought it. If it is wine they usually say that we can keep it, but I wouldn't want anything else as we dont drink it.

Bellyblueboy · 26/12/2023 13:09

this is an adult who has never had a job. I would imagine your husband has more to worry about than a bottle of vodka!

what has gone so wrong in her life - does she have qualifications? Does she have health issues? How does she fill her days? Does she have children, friends, a social life?

if I had a child in their thirties who had never worked, a contribution to Christmas would be the least of my concerns!

Beautiful3 · 26/12/2023 13:10

I wouldn't say anything. Just leave it. It's not something important enough to warrant an argument. Also she probably wants it to drink on new years eve.

Coolhwip · 26/12/2023 13:11

Sounds like the vodka is the straw that broke the camel’s back, OP.

Next year take a step back and let DH host Christmas if he wants to.

You are not responsible for feeding and hosting a 31yo grown ass woman.

Iouis · 26/12/2023 13:11

I wouldnt ask my kids to contribute anything and I wouldnt care if they took their vodka back, I'd have already had vodka here for them to use. Suppose it all depends on the relationship, which doesn't sound like a close one?

PurBal · 26/12/2023 13:11

At the point her contribution is a single bottle of vodka I really couldn’t be bothered. Also, who over the age of thirty drinks vodka anyway? I’m a couple of years older and I wouldn’t want it in the house. I’d probably end up chucking it. When we “contribute” to Christmas at our parents we usually take a case of wine/champagne, some nice chocolate and snacks. We’re not asked. If we are asked we’d do cheese, charcuterie, pudding or similar in addition. The fact she seems to have a small income makes it doubly not worth bothering with.

MrsDoylesDoily · 26/12/2023 13:12

Bellyblueboy · 26/12/2023 13:09

this is an adult who has never had a job. I would imagine your husband has more to worry about than a bottle of vodka!

what has gone so wrong in her life - does she have qualifications? Does she have health issues? How does she fill her days? Does she have children, friends, a social life?

if I had a child in their thirties who had never worked, a contribution to Christmas would be the least of my concerns!

The OP made sure she told us all her SD has never worked, and then fucked off without telling us why 🙄

OP, are you still estranged from your own adult children?

WhenIsSpringg · 26/12/2023 13:12

This reply has been deleted

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bigyellowmoxi · 26/12/2023 13:13

PurBal · 26/12/2023 13:11

At the point her contribution is a single bottle of vodka I really couldn’t be bothered. Also, who over the age of thirty drinks vodka anyway? I’m a couple of years older and I wouldn’t want it in the house. I’d probably end up chucking it. When we “contribute” to Christmas at our parents we usually take a case of wine/champagne, some nice chocolate and snacks. We’re not asked. If we are asked we’d do cheese, charcuterie, pudding or similar in addition. The fact she seems to have a small income makes it doubly not worth bothering with.

Absolutely tone deaf. She doesn't work ffs!

Quitelikeit · 26/12/2023 13:13

She has no job so probably has no money.

This is because she is your husbands daughter. If it was your own blood I doubt you’d be writing on here about it

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 13:14

PurBal · 26/12/2023 13:11

At the point her contribution is a single bottle of vodka I really couldn’t be bothered. Also, who over the age of thirty drinks vodka anyway? I’m a couple of years older and I wouldn’t want it in the house. I’d probably end up chucking it. When we “contribute” to Christmas at our parents we usually take a case of wine/champagne, some nice chocolate and snacks. We’re not asked. If we are asked we’d do cheese, charcuterie, pudding or similar in addition. The fact she seems to have a small income makes it doubly not worth bothering with.

Also, who over the age of thirty drinks vodka anyway?

This is such a strange question! 🤣🤣

Plus the OP clearly drinks it along with millions of other adults in the world

lap90 · 26/12/2023 13:15

You do sound a bit petty tbh.

But then my parents are the type to have said take it, and anything else you want, before i'd have even done so.

Hooplahooping · 26/12/2023 13:17

echoing all the others - definitely not a hill to die on.

She’s clearly quite self focussed - but if your relationship with her was otherwise positive this would be something you’d laugh off.

get curious as to why it winds you up so much? Unless she’s actively making your day to day life difficult then I would leave her be. I suspect that she finds life harder than you do - and you pouring energy in to feeling angry about all the ways in which she doesn’t ’show up’ optimally in your life is bad for both of you.

deep breath, kind thoughts, let it go

(and be glad you don’t have to find cupboard space for another half drunk bottle of Christmas booze)

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 13:17

lap90 · 26/12/2023 13:15

You do sound a bit petty tbh.

But then my parents are the type to have said take it, and anything else you want, before i'd have even done so.

I pack my adult son off with more food and drink than he can fit in his rucksack, even on a normal day.

He has to keep reminding me he has to lug it home on the train 😏🤣

Nudgethatjudge · 26/12/2023 13:20

Let her have it with good grace.
If she's 31 not working, no partner to have Christmas with and coming to yours where she feels tension about her company.... well she needs it more than you.

TitaniasAss · 26/12/2023 13:23

Quitelikeit · 26/12/2023 13:13

She has no job so probably has no money.

This is because she is your husbands daughter. If it was your own blood I doubt you’d be writing on here about it

I believe the OP is estranged from her own adult children.

LoopyLooooo · 26/12/2023 13:24

Hooplahooping · 26/12/2023 13:17

echoing all the others - definitely not a hill to die on.

She’s clearly quite self focussed - but if your relationship with her was otherwise positive this would be something you’d laugh off.

get curious as to why it winds you up so much? Unless she’s actively making your day to day life difficult then I would leave her be. I suspect that she finds life harder than you do - and you pouring energy in to feeling angry about all the ways in which she doesn’t ’show up’ optimally in your life is bad for both of you.

deep breath, kind thoughts, let it go

(and be glad you don’t have to find cupboard space for another half drunk bottle of Christmas booze)

(and be glad you don’t have to find cupboard space for another half drunk bottle of Christmas booze)

The OP said she'd happily drink it.

We're all different I know but I couldn't 'happily drink' 2/3 of a bottle of vodka belonging to an unemployed woman. Even worse that it's her own stepdaughter.

AInightingale · 26/12/2023 13:25

Is the real issue that you think she drinks too much? The bad temper and tantrums seem to suggest she might. What does she live on anyway - why hasn't she worked in years, benefits for a single person are very little really.

LuluBlakey1 · 26/12/2023 13:26

Twigletgirl27 · 26/12/2023 12:15

My DSD is 31 and for context doesn't work, I don't think she ever had in the 13 years I've known her. She has a flat about 20 miles from us.

She comes to us for Christmas every year and her dad asks her to bring a contribution for the day, which is usually the alcohol she drinks. I wouldn't dream of asking for money towards the meal but feel bringing something is the right and thoughtful thing to do (though she needs to be reminded every year).....

She brought vodka and seemed to have a few, mixed with coke, over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day which she made herself. However this morning when packing to go a two thirds full bottle of vodka is with her stuff to take home. So clearly she has been drinking our booze and even this tiny contribution to the day she is taking home.

Her dad says he will speak to her at some point. I know she'd make a scene, shouting and slamming doors (yes, at 31...) so today probably wasn't a good day, but am I being petty and unreasonable expecting her to leave the vodka here? I would have happily drank it!

What has and what does she do if she doesn't work? How does she live? Is she able to work?

Moonshine5 · 26/12/2023 13:26

Is she poor? Maybe she thinks you wouldn't miss it but it's embarrassed to say.
Would you say the same to your own child?
Isn't Christmas about goodwill?
My parents are always wanting us to take food, drink etc home with us.

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 13:27

I also think it's horrible that her dad reminds her every year to bring a contribution, when she hasn't worked for 13 years.

Who does that FFS?

Alondra · 26/12/2023 13:27

Gardeningtime · 26/12/2023 13:08

Me neither, I had my adult child here for Xmas, I don’t view her as a visitor, do not ask her to contribute, I love having her here, and wish to provide Xmas dinner for her. I get the op doesn’t feel the same way though.

Show quote history

We never asked for contributions but my DS2 lives with his g/f. DS3 lives at home but it's rarely here. They both joined us with their girlfriends for Christmas. My sons came with fresh seafood, bottles of wine, desserts and flowers. Their girlfriends, both in their early 20s, in Uni and with little money to spare, brought chocolates, Baileys and gin. None took anything back. It was simply a way to contribute to the festivities and saying thanks to their DF and me.

That a 31 y.o woman brings a bottle of vodka for a Christmas invitation, daughter or not, and takes it home half empty is rude, bad manners and shows little respect for anyone except herself.

seymour · 26/12/2023 13:27

Need more context as to why she doesn’t work and her general attitude but my MIL does this and I think it’s rude. We don’t ask her to bring anything but I’d be so embarrassed taking home the remainder of the one thing I brought. Clearly most disagree with me! We just laugh about and wouldn’t mention it though. Not worth it.

lepapillon · 26/12/2023 13:28

OP sounds petty & judgemental. I'd be curious to hear the other side...

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 26/12/2023 13:28

I honestly couldn't find the effort to care, if I wanted vodka I'd pop out and buy another bottle.