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Original poster

DSD taking home the vodka she brought to 'contribute' to Christmas

245 replies

Twigletgirl27 · 26/12/2023 12:15

My DSD is 31 and for context doesn't work, I don't think she ever had in the 13 years I've known her. She has a flat about 20 miles from us.

She comes to us for Christmas every year and her dad asks her to bring a contribution for the day, which is usually the alcohol she drinks. I wouldn't dream of asking for money towards the meal but feel bringing something is the right and thoughtful thing to do (though she needs to be reminded every year).....

She brought vodka and seemed to have a few, mixed with coke, over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day which she made herself. However this morning when packing to go a two thirds full bottle of vodka is with her stuff to take home. So clearly she has been drinking our booze and even this tiny contribution to the day she is taking home.

Her dad says he will speak to her at some point. I know she'd make a scene, shouting and slamming doors (yes, at 31...) so today probably wasn't a good day, but am I being petty and unreasonable expecting her to leave the vodka here? I would have happily drank it!

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 26/12/2023 13:28

"her dad asks her to bring a contribution for the day, which is usually the alcohol she drinks". Based on this I'm not sure why you would expect her to leave it at your house. It sounds like you have wider expectations about her contributing to the day. It would be nice to offer, but it's fairly common for children not to offer their parents gifts for hosting them, I'm going to my parents today with nowt and I'm 41! Obviously it's nice if they do and I do sometimes, but its not expected by my parents at all and you do seem to expect it. It sounds like she doesn't have much money either and like you think she is ungrateful/difficult in general and this is a symbol of it. Thinking about my own DD as an adult, I wouldn't expect a gift for hosting her for Christmas and if she brought alcohol to drink I wouldn't expect her to leave it at my house either.

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 26/12/2023 13:29

Sorry but I take my unused booze home. My parents insist

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 26/12/2023 13:30

Ginnnny · 26/12/2023 12:36

Bit of an overreaction really, would be different if it was a half full bottle of wine I think. Also since you pointed out she doesn’t work I’d assume low funds?

If I take gin to a party I usually take it home if there’s still some left!

So so rude! Were you not taught you do not ever take alcohol home that you take to a party?

It must just be me. But I was taught it’s not the done thing.

Coolhwip · 26/12/2023 13:30

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 26/12/2023 13:29

Sorry but I take my unused booze home. My parents insist

You can’t see how that’s different?

Dsd stole the vodka.

ChateauDuMont · 26/12/2023 13:30

You are begrudging her a few drinks?

She had some of her own vodka and is taking the rest home. She also had some of yours.

You've said she doesn't work so money must be tight so she's taking home the remainder of the bottle.

I can't see any problem at all.

CuttyShark · 26/12/2023 13:30

Alondra · 26/12/2023 13:07

Rude and awful manners. She's 31, didn't contribute at all except for the alcohol bottle she brought and took home with her because it wasn't drunk. I expect this behaviour from someone in their early 20s in Uni and with little money. Not from a full adult in their 30s. If she doesn't have a lot of money to spare, she should have left the bottle of vodka behind as her contribution..

Next year tell her she's expected to bring some food and a couple of bottles of wines. Which you will drink.

I can't stomach the level of selfishness and rudeness in some adults.

I'd rather not come if this is what's passing for a warm reception

Coolhwip · 26/12/2023 13:30

CuttyShark · 26/12/2023 13:30

I'd rather not come if this is what's passing for a warm reception

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And yet she turns up every year.

willWillSmithsmith · 26/12/2023 13:31

Can’t say I’d be fussed but I’m not really that interested in alcohol to be fair. Now if she’d brought a lovely cake and took it home I’d probably be a bit miffed. My sister brought several bottles of wine. I had a glass and she took the unopened ones back with her but she did ask me first.

Is she a bit immature for her age or has she some issues (re the not working and going off on one), does she have a drink problem?

Alondra · 26/12/2023 13:31

CuttyShark · 26/12/2023 13:30

I'd rather not come if this is what's passing for a warm reception

Show quote history

You wouldn't be invited.

SocksAndTheCity · 26/12/2023 13:31

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TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 13:32

Alondra · 26/12/2023 13:27

We never asked for contributions but my DS2 lives with his g/f. DS3 lives at home but it's rarely here. They both joined us with their girlfriends for Christmas. My sons came with fresh seafood, bottles of wine, desserts and flowers. Their girlfriends, both in their early 20s, in Uni and with little money to spare, brought chocolates, Baileys and gin. None took anything back. It was simply a way to contribute to the festivities and saying thanks to their DF and me.

That a 31 y.o woman brings a bottle of vodka for a Christmas invitation, daughter or not, and takes it home half empty is rude, bad manners and shows little respect for anyone except herself.

Show quote history

That a 31 y.o woman brings a bottle of vodka for a Christmas invitation, daughter or not, and takes it home half empty is rude, bad manners and shows little respect for anyone except herself.

Fuck, some people are really showing their hatred and lack of compassion for someone who's been unemployed for at least 13 years.

OneTC · 26/12/2023 13:32

Half a bottle of vodka isn't really something I'm gonna miss

Iknowtheyareusefulstorage · 26/12/2023 13:33

Is this about being taken for granted rather than the vodka?
I don't expect my kids to bring anything (although they generally do bring a token offering even in their impoverished student state!), but I do expect them to offer to help and say thank you. Is this the real issue?
(I then send them home with food and drink packages!)

NewPinkJacket · 26/12/2023 13:33

Coolhwip · 26/12/2023 13:30

You can’t see how that’s different?

Dsd stole the vodka.

Show quote history

She stole her own vodka that she bought?? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Peak Mumsnet!

Fannyfiggs · 26/12/2023 13:35

When I go to my dad's for dinner, my stepmum tells me NOT to bring anything (Obviously I do) and I get packed away with what I've brought plus enough food and drink to last the rest of the year. I'm a fully grown adult with a good job and my own home/DH.

My stepmum is the loveliest person and treats me like her own daughter. I'd hate to think she was posting about me online.

So, YABVU moaning about your stepdaughter taking her bottle of vodka away.

uclpp · 26/12/2023 13:36

It sounds like she doesn’t like you, possibly doesn’t like her dad either. Did she really want to come? Sounds like there’s virtually no relationship here, certainly not a loving one.

Coolhwip · 26/12/2023 13:36

NewPinkJacket · 26/12/2023 13:33

She stole her own vodka that she bought?? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Peak Mumsnet!

Show quote history

When you give a gift, the item no longer belongs to you.

Even a primary school child gets that 😂😂😂

Coolhwip · 26/12/2023 13:37

uclpp · 26/12/2023 13:36

It sounds like she doesn’t like you, possibly doesn’t like her dad either. Did she really want to come? Sounds like there’s virtually no relationship here, certainly not a loving one.

Yet she turns up every year.

cansu · 26/12/2023 13:37

You have been complaining about your husbands children for years on here. I think it must be quite difficult coming somewhere you are not really welcome every year. I think if your step children are so dysfunctional there must be some responsibility for this from your dh.

LoopyLooooo · 26/12/2023 13:37

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anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 26/12/2023 13:37

@Coolhwip

She didn't steal the vodka, she brought it with her and is taking the remainder honey, perfectly normal

BelieveInYourElf · 26/12/2023 13:38

book to go away next year, without her

MrsPinkSky · 26/12/2023 13:38

cansu · 26/12/2023 13:37

You have been complaining about your husbands children for years on here. I think it must be quite difficult coming somewhere you are not really welcome every year. I think if your step children are so dysfunctional there must be some responsibility for this from your dh.

Interesting, considering the OP is also estranged from her own adult children 🤔

CuttyShark · 26/12/2023 13:39

And yet she turns up every year.

@Coolhwip eh? I was replying to pp's suggestion, not whatever you think I'm talking about.

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/12/2023 13:39

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