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Original poster

DSD taking home the vodka she brought to 'contribute' to Christmas

245 replies

Twigletgirl27 · 26/12/2023 12:15

My DSD is 31 and for context doesn't work, I don't think she ever had in the 13 years I've known her. She has a flat about 20 miles from us.

She comes to us for Christmas every year and her dad asks her to bring a contribution for the day, which is usually the alcohol she drinks. I wouldn't dream of asking for money towards the meal but feel bringing something is the right and thoughtful thing to do (though she needs to be reminded every year).....

She brought vodka and seemed to have a few, mixed with coke, over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day which she made herself. However this morning when packing to go a two thirds full bottle of vodka is with her stuff to take home. So clearly she has been drinking our booze and even this tiny contribution to the day she is taking home.

Her dad says he will speak to her at some point. I know she'd make a scene, shouting and slamming doors (yes, at 31...) so today probably wasn't a good day, but am I being petty and unreasonable expecting her to leave the vodka here? I would have happily drank it!

OP posts:
OnionOnionH · 26/12/2023 13:40

I don’t see the point of even asking her to bring something unless she has particular tastes that you can’t or don’t want to accommodate. She doesn’t work and it’s once a year. insisting she brings her own drink isn’t going to suddenly make her a responsible adult. Youve not said why she doesn’t work, maybe focus on supporting her in that area, I doubt she wants to into her 30s and skint either.

Beezknees · 26/12/2023 13:40

LuluBlakey1 · 26/12/2023 13:26

What has and what does she do if she doesn't work? How does she live? Is she able to work?

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She must be unable to work if she's living on benefits. Contrary to what it says in the daily mail, you can't choose not to work if you're physically able to, unless she has some other independent form of income.

Coolhwip · 26/12/2023 13:40

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 26/12/2023 13:37

@Coolhwip

She didn't steal the vodka, she brought it with her and is taking the remainder honey, perfectly normal

It was her contribution to the day because her dad asked her to.

When she handed it over it ceased to be her vodka.

Ergo she stole it when she took it home.

Alondra · 26/12/2023 13:41

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 13:32

That a 31 y.o woman brings a bottle of vodka for a Christmas invitation, daughter or not, and takes it home half empty is rude, bad manners and shows little respect for anyone except herself.

Fuck, some people are really showing their hatred and lack of compassion for someone who's been unemployed for at least 13 years.

Show quote history

If she's unemployed and short of money she can bring a bottle of wine, which is much cheaper than a bottle of vodka, for everyone to enjoy at the Christmas table.

The OP doesn't say why she doesn't work, except that she's never seen her work in the 13 years she's known her.

CuttyShark · 26/12/2023 13:41

You wouldn't be invited.

@Alondra No, I'd be over with normal family members or friends having a blast, not tight-fisted ones filled with contempt like pps.

Hopefully the DSD has other people for next year.

Coolhwip · 26/12/2023 13:42

CuttyShark · 26/12/2023 13:39

And yet she turns up every year.

@Coolhwip eh? I was replying to pp's suggestion, not whatever you think I'm talking about.

You asked if she really wanted to come. She turns up every year. As she’s a grown woman she is perfectly capable of saying if she has alternative plans.

She’s not there under duress.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 26/12/2023 13:42

I don’t think her taking it back is that bad, better than it being wasted. If you wanted something specific from her then ask for it next time.

Coolhwip · 26/12/2023 13:43

CuttyShark · 26/12/2023 13:41

You wouldn't be invited.

@Alondra No, I'd be over with normal family members or friends having a blast, not tight-fisted ones filled with contempt like pps.

Hopefully the DSD has other people for next year.

Doubt it, she probably does this friends too. Brings a bottle to parties and then takes it home after drinking everyone else’s drinks.

Stompythedinosaur · 26/12/2023 13:43

Come on, social rules are a bit different with close family, surely? She isn't some random house guest.

Purplecatshopaholic · 26/12/2023 13:44

I wouldn’t have an issue with this at all... if she was 18, 19. She’s 31! Rude in my view, yes, and her dad should maybe have a word. In the grand scheme of things though, not worth falling out over.

cansu · 26/12/2023 13:44

This is also as you don't see her as family. I know that if I bought something to my mums house to drink she would be putting it into a bag and insisting I take it home even more so if I was on benefits and had little income. Yet you are making an issue about this as you don't like her and it is a convenient issue to hang your dislike and resentment on. I have read your post from 2019 moaning about having to host your dh's children.

Isseywith3witchycats · 26/12/2023 13:44

my sons girlfriend bought her own gin with her yesterday, i did get a selection of drinks in and dont know what she does drink, she took the rest of the bottle home with her plus a bottle of lemonade from me to go with it, and my son got what was left of the pack of specialist beers i got for him, as host i wouldnt dream of asking for a contribution towards Christmas day dinner or drinks

Beezknees · 26/12/2023 13:44

Alondra · 26/12/2023 13:41

If she's unemployed and short of money she can bring a bottle of wine, which is much cheaper than a bottle of vodka, for everyone to enjoy at the Christmas table.

The OP doesn't say why she doesn't work, except that she's never seen her work in the 13 years she's known her.

Show quote history

If she's not working she must have a disability, mental health problem, etc. You can't choose not to work if you're able to (when claiming benefits). Unless her father is funding her.

coldcallerbaiter · 26/12/2023 13:45

How does she fund her life?
Maybe that is OP real issue with her.

14Q · 26/12/2023 13:46

I wouldn't bother stressing over this. Of course it's nice if you bring a contribution but it's your DHs daughter do you really care about teaching her a lesson. It's not worth the effort and it won't change who she is. The fact that you are mulling this over and discussing it with your husband is a bit petty. Let it go.

I don't ask my adult kids to bring anything for Xmas. They just pitch up,and I'm very happy with that. They sometimes bring treats for everyone but not always.

Beezknees · 26/12/2023 13:48

coldcallerbaiter · 26/12/2023 13:45

How does she fund her life?
Maybe that is OP real issue with her.

Unless OP and her husband are the ones funding it, it's none of her business.

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 13:49

Alondra · 26/12/2023 13:41

If she's unemployed and short of money she can bring a bottle of wine, which is much cheaper than a bottle of vodka, for everyone to enjoy at the Christmas table.

The OP doesn't say why she doesn't work, except that she's never seen her work in the 13 years she's known her.

Show quote history

The OP doesn't say why she doesn't work, except that she's never seen her work in the 13 years she's known her.

Yeah exactly and what does that tell you about the OP?

'I know, I'll have a dig that the woman hasn't worked for at least 13 years and make sure I don't tell anyone why' 🙄

As a few PPs have said, it's very likely to be health related, either mental or otherwise.

But the OP clearly cant' stand her anyway, so she's not going to mention that is she?

Twasmoreorlessthenightbeforechristmaseveve · 26/12/2023 13:49

Slightly annoying but likes others have said it’s a mild annoyance and definitely not worth having her dad speak to her.

Alondra · 26/12/2023 13:50

Beezknees · 26/12/2023 13:44

If she's not working she must have a disability, mental health problem, etc. You can't choose not to work if you're able to (when claiming benefits). Unless her father is funding her.

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You are speculating. We don't have enough information to know why she isn't working.

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 13:51

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 26/12/2023 13:42

I don’t think her taking it back is that bad, better than it being wasted. If you wanted something specific from her then ask for it next time.

Oh the OP made it clear it wouldn't be wasted.

She said she'd 'happily drink' the leftovers of an unemployed woman.

SeenYourArse · 26/12/2023 13:51

unvillage · 26/12/2023 12:22

If you're as obvious in real life about your dislike of her as you are on here, she probably thought "fuck her".

But not strongly enough to decline freeloading all weekend eh?

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 26/12/2023 13:52

Alondra · 26/12/2023 13:50

You are speculating. We don't have enough information to know why she isn't working.

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Well yes, the OP made a point of telling us only half the story...

AhBiscuits · 26/12/2023 13:52

I can't imagine getting worked up over this. Are you struggling for money, is that why you're so tight?

MadamVastra · 26/12/2023 13:52

My dd took half a bottle of Prosecco (that I'd bought) home AND the champagne stopper cork thing as well!!! Bloody cheek 😂

Beezknees · 26/12/2023 13:53

Alondra · 26/12/2023 13:50

You are speculating. We don't have enough information to know why she isn't working.

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Yes, but as I said, when claiming benefits you cannot choose not to work if you are physically able. It's not possible. If she's not claiming benefits and OP and her husband are paying for her lifestyle then OP has the right to be annoyed but that's also a DH problem.

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