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Original poster

my husband has ruined christmas

199 replies

Muminneedofadvice23 · 24/12/2023 08:28

my husband left 2 days ago we have 3 kids and he has just left no contact his phones off and im heartbroken i genuinly cant pull myself out of this cant stop crying. i have no family or support i literally dont know what to do

OP posts:
ofestivetree · 24/12/2023 08:31

Ok you need to look at the bigger picture here. Christmas - fine it's one day. The fact he's left you and you can't get in touch. Much bigger. Did he say he was going and leaving you? Is it out of character. You could contact the police to report him missing unless you know he's left because he's split up with you.

MerryMissie · 24/12/2023 08:31

I'm really sorry to hear this.

Has he said he has left you and the relationship or has he gone missing!?

Is he the father of the children too?

Sorry your having a terrible time op

maddening · 24/12/2023 08:33

Has he taken belongings and made it clear he has left the relationship? Is he on social media? What about his family?

DustyLee123 · 24/12/2023 08:34

He’ll come back when she kicks him out.
Im so sorry that he’s done this, I hope you find some joy with your kids.

MrsTopaz · 24/12/2023 08:34

Gosh op I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. it’s must have been such a shock!
How old are the children?
Time to focus on them, deep breath, wash your face. What small thing can you do to try to get ready for tomorrow. Do they each have something to open? Distraction may be helpful here.

Catsknowbest · 24/12/2023 08:34

maddening · 24/12/2023 08:33

Has he taken belongings and made it clear he has left the relationship? Is he on social media? What about his family?

This. If he has literally disappeared report him missing.

Original poster
Muminneedofadvice23 · 24/12/2023 08:34

we went to the panto on friday and he turned up sloshed (baring in mind hes a recovering alcoholic) so i went mad and told him to leave the panto and go home to sleep it off, when i got home with the children he had gone, hes at his mums getting pissed with his brother finding all of this hilarious! yes they are his children and ive not heard from him since 2pm on friday

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 24/12/2023 08:35

I imagine there's a lot of things that happened before he decided to leave.

All you can do for now is pull yourself together and focus on your children. Do you have enough money to manage?

Does his family know where he might be?

OrigamiOwls · 24/12/2023 08:35

Park Christmas for a bit, you can have a low key day and that will be fine.

He'll be back after Christmas when his mum doesn't want him staying any more. Use this time to think about what you want. Do you want to be with a man who walks out days before Christmas, caused your all this upset and worry and is still drinking?

I also can't believe his family are fine with this. I'd be expecting them to send him home with a flea in his ear, he's got kids and it's Christmas!

You need to turn this sadness into anger. Look after yours and your kids best interests. He'll realise he's tucked up massively, but for me this would be a deal-breaker.

ZekeZeke · 24/12/2023 08:35

What a shitty thing to do. His timing is awful (any time would be crap).
The OW (and there will be an OW) obviously put pressure on him to leave.
He will come crawling back in January mark my words.

Surround yourself with your family and friends, tell them what's happened. He is a shit, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.

Savedpassword · 24/12/2023 08:36

How old are your children and are they safe OP?
If you’re worried about harming yourself or your children please call the Samaritans now on 116 123.

PumpkinPie2016 · 24/12/2023 08:36

I'm so sorry this is happening OP 😢

Firstly, and sorry I couldn't really tell from your post, has he left the relationship? I.e. said 'I don't want to be with you anymore' and gone. Or, has he gone missing?

Obviously both are awful but if it's the latter, you must be out of your mind with worry. Have the police been contacted?

If the former, he will be fine - hard as it is, don't try to contact him as that will just cause you more hurt.

How old are the dc? If very young, just do the presents in the morning - they will just be that excited they probably won't care about anything else.

If they are older, it's obviously more difficult. In this case, just try to make the best of the day but be kind to yourself - it's only a day.

Allofaflutter · 24/12/2023 08:37

Be grateful. The trash took itself out. Why waste your life on a dickhead who obviously gives no shits about you or your kids. There’s better men out there, throw this one back!

SuspiciousDuck · 24/12/2023 08:37

Find your anger! What a dick.

get through Christmas and divorce him in January.

PumpkinPie2016 · 24/12/2023 08:37

Sorry cross posted.

He's being a prize dick.

BibbleandSqwauk · 24/12/2023 08:37

I agree that Christmas is the least of your worries. Did he actually say he was leaving? If he's just disappeared then yes, report to police but if he has declared he's leaving, packed etc then that's different. If the latter, take a breath and don't panic. How old are the children? Do you have access to cash, food etc for the next few days? If so, and kids are young "do Xmas". Daddy had to go away to help a friend, never mind Santa's coming. It's appalling but try to just ignore it for a few days. If kids are older, just do what you can xmas wise. You will get through this, there's lots of help and advice online and from Citizens Advice etc. Good luck

PrimalOwl10 · 24/12/2023 08:38

I grew up with a drug addiction brother op it wasn't fun. I could imagine it's far worse when it's a parent who's intoxicated. Your children only get one childhood don't let this man ruin what's left. Take him leaving as a new start

KezzaMucklowe · 24/12/2023 08:38

Oh no what a horrible situation. Are his mum and brother aware that he is an alcoholic.

Are they all just drinking together?

ZekeZeke · 24/12/2023 08:39

Muminneedofadvice23 · 24/12/2023 08:34

we went to the panto on friday and he turned up sloshed (baring in mind hes a recovering alcoholic) so i went mad and told him to leave the panto and go home to sleep it off, when i got home with the children he had gone, hes at his mums getting pissed with his brother finding all of this hilarious! yes they are his children and ive not heard from him since 2pm on friday

OK, that's different, ignore my OW post.
There is no such thing as a recovering alcoholic. You are an alcoholic end of.
He is a shit and you are better off without him.

Original poster
Muminneedofadvice23 · 24/12/2023 08:39

my children are 13 8 and 2😓 im honestly in bits ive got nothing prepared my house is a bomsite im trying to keep going but im just struggling ive been with this man for 17 years. he has struggled with alcohol in the past and has been in recovery for 6 years for some reason he started drinking again. he becomes violent when hes drinking so i will not have it around me or the children and he is aware of this and hasnt done it for so long. ive seen pictures all over his brothers social media of the parth they are having at his mums. i cant stand his family and tbh neither can he and our children dont even know them!

OP posts:
crumpet · 24/12/2023 08:39

OK. At this point at least you know he is safe, so that worry is over.

Depending on the ages of the kids, focus on you and them and make it as nice a day as you can. For the next 48 hours you can do your bit to help them have as best a Christmas as is possible in the circumstances, and feel proud of yourself. Everything else can be tackled after Christmas. Hang in there xxx

ofestivetree · 24/12/2023 08:40

Ok that's a plus. He's alive. Try to put your best stuff you, I don't need a man face on and gey through Christmas. If he does return for christmas day don't give him a hero's welcome. Sort the divorce out in January

Blueblell · 24/12/2023 08:40

Has he actually left you or has he gone to his mums because he can drink there?

Vinrouge4 · 24/12/2023 08:40

I think you are better off without this waste of space. Look on it as a good thing and do not let him back. Get through Christmas the best you can and then get on with your life without him. You deserve better.

Ladolcevita233 · 24/12/2023 08:40

He's an alcoholic.

He's not recovering if he's turning up at kids pantos drunk.

You rightly told him to leave.

He took that opportunity to go elsewhere and continue drinking.

He also took that opportunity to cut you off and not communicate about what he's doing and if it's permanent.

I doubt it's permanent - he'll probably try to weasel back into your home tomorrow for Christmas. (Or who knows, maybe he'll huff and decide he'll stay where he is .... That also has the huge advantage for him being able to keep drinking, rather than be told/"nagged" to stop