my husband has ruined christmas

[Muminneedofadvice23]

my husband left 2 days ago we have 3 kids and he has just left no contact his phones off and im heartbroken i genuinly cant pull myself out of this cant stop crying. i have no family or support i literally dont know what to do

This must be so hard to deal with, but I'd definitely reframe it as your DH giving you the gift of a peaceful Christmas with just you and your DC. It sounds like he's fallen off the wagon with a bang and it's better if he's nowhere near you. So try to have a nice day tmw for the kids' sakes and then think about making the split official for the New Year.

you deserve so much better then this from a life partner and role model to your children. Time to move forward in life without him

Sounds like you are better off without him! What a looser.

Whatever you do don’t let him back in your life because when you do decide to divorce, it will be harder to get rid of him the next time

And by looser I mean him! You don’t want your children exposed to that! It won’t feel like it now, but you WILL laugh again one day.

Ok so he hasn't left. You know where he is. What is he like when drinking? Eill he be aware it is Christmas Eve?

I'd wait and see what happens today and tomorrow. Hopefully he will have managed to stop drinking and sobered up. If he looses all track of time when drinking I guess you will have to see when he appears.

Does his mum drink? If not hopefully she may be able to have a word.

Once he's back you need to chat.

Put his behaviour in a box and ignore for the next few days.

You can do Christmas on your own with the kids. Get them to think of 1 or two games or activities you can do. Plan, plan , plan.
Go for walks, watch some Christmas movies, make Christmas crafts, bake cookies, walk the dog. Basically keep busy and facilitate fun activities for the kids.
If you feel the need to contact your husband, perhaps message him to say he needs to stay with his family, and you will talk on the 27th.
Best of luck

Do you know he is at his mother's getting sloshed, for certain? A drunk on his own in the dark is in danger. If you are only hypothesising then report him missing.

Going against the grain a little bit here, I think you need some time to process how you're feeling. Yes the time will come when you need to pull it together for the kids, but right now, give yourself some time to feel what you need to feel. Be sad, be miserable, cry, do what you need to.

Then, make a list of jobs for today. Tick them off as you go and take pressure off tomorrow. You don't need a full Xmas dinner. Do something chilled and fun instead. You don't need a tidy house, it'll just be a mess tomorrow anyways so embrace it! Clear a space. Come boxing day, the kids can play with all their new toys and you can start thinking about plans.
Stop checking social media, stop seeking out husband. Leave him. At the minute he won't listen to you anyways. Protect what you can.

None of this is your fault. It doesn't feel like it now, but he is doing you a favour. Don't let him back he has made a choice. Try to have a chilled low key Christmas and treat these as the first days of the rest of your life! Remember you are not responsible for his actions. Love your children hard, they are all that matters. Massive hugs, OP. 💐

Sounds like an absolute gent!! Op I'm sure you can do much better and I'm certain the kids deserve better than him too. I really feel for you all, he will soon be back with his tail between his legs but it's your choice whether you can forgive this or not. I know I couldn't personally

Be prepared for him turning up drunk tomorrow.

He's an alcoholic who turned up drunk to a family day out and was no doubt angry at being reprimanded and sent home. How do you translate that into there must be another woman?

Unfortunately I speak from direct experience when I say growing up with an alcoholic parent does you significant damage. It is better he is absent compared to your children having memories like mine of their parent falling over drunk/shouting/saying awful stuff at Christmas.

You cannot help an alcoholic. They have to help themselves and at the minute he's prioritising alcohol over his children. It's unforgivable and you'll all be safer and a lot happier without him around.

Take a deep breath and do what you need to do to give the children an OK Christmas day. Plan what you'll do if he tries to turn up tonight or tomorrow. Can you keep the doors locked?

See a solicitor in the new year and focus on protecting your children from continuing damage.

There's good advice on this thread.
What he's done is awful and his family who are enabling him.
You must be feeling so upset.
But I also think he's done you a favour although it might not feel like that now.
Don't let that bunch of idiots win. You don' have to go into too much detail with the kids - just that he's staying at his Mums.

You have your three lovely kids who love you so just focus on what is possible, not on how things "should" be. There is just too much pressure on having "the perfect Christmas"...
But as people have suggested, make this a prep day and pull together to do what you can. Don't stress about what's not possible. Spoil them and yourself. A quick tidy of the living room. Maybe a nice walk to a cafe if weather's ok. Nice music. Simple food/takeaway... and a few bits for a meal tomorrow - doesn't have to be over the top. Just simple things you know they will like.
Actually, I think the four of you will have a better day together without all the drama, playing with the two-year-old etc.

When you've got Xmas Day out of the way you will have more time to process and think of your future. You can get through this. You are stronger than he is.
(ps. Take your money out of joint savings and accounts if you can)
Wishing you all the best.

please have a look at Alanon, Adfam and NACOA for some support. I've been on this rollercoaster with my ex and in some ways, him fucking off has made your chance of having a nice day more likely because at least you won't be on edge waiting for him to get wasted.
Whether you want to put up with his shit next year is a decision only you can make, but I hope you and your kids manage to have a nice day tomorrow without walking on eggshells.

So sorry OP. What a horrible time to do it x

If you're an alcoholic then it's for life, it's not a temporary addiction. You can be an active alcoholic or a sober alcoholic but you're still an alcoholic as in you have a disordered relationship with alcohol.

You can do it darling - cut whatever corners you need to - just one day at a time

He's done you a favour in the long run OP, never ever take him back. You're much better off without him.

Now, he's given you the gift of a peaceful Christmas without a violent alcoholic in the house. Dust yourself off, up you get and start to get Christmas sorted for the kids. You can do this.

Not excusing his behaviour but alcoholics often struggle at Christmas.

@Muminneedofadvice23 Here's a link to the best support network you can find in this situation.

https://al-anonuk.org.uk/

Let him go. No great loss to you or your children by the sounds of it. You will find the strength and the courage to have a life post his selfish nonsense. I have a lot of experience with alcoholics, they will never do the right thing whilst in active addiction.

Ok so my dad was an alcoholic, he would do this and I remember me begging my mum to kick him
Out.
She did and we had Xmas with no tree (we made one from books and ivy) and it thought me never to put up with abuse, never be the door mat.

It was painful but it was not the end of the world and it did not damage me - you and your kids will be fine

Haha mixed my times up... 11am and 6pm I'll be thinking about you and at other times during the day. I see from other posts there are alcohol issues and I suspect perhaps mental health issues too. The day may be easier without him. You will worry about him too... Try not to. Control the controllables. 11am and 6pm. Remember I'm checking in virtually x

Why are you devastated at a violent alcoholic leaving?
Get sorted, get the kids helping out and have a lovely xmas and don't waste your time missing this arsehole.