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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I said something awful to my DH

237 replies

Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:37

My DH has spent the majority of the day winding me up and annoying me on purpose.

I told him to stop as he was peeing me off and we started bickering. He thinks this is funny to do even when I tell him to stop.

I lost my temper and told him that I hope someone spits on him in work.

I'm mortified I said something so vile. I don't know where it came from.

I have a lot of anger in me at the moment for various things and ongoing mental health issues.

Waiting for treatment (not that this is an excuse.)

I apologised and he's gone out to watch the football all OK.

I'm ashamed and disgusted.

OP posts:
Hoglet70 · 23/12/2023 16:38

I wouldn't worry, you could have said much worse than that!

Sidebeforeself · 23/12/2023 16:39

Well you should be. What do you want us to say?

Original poster
Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:39

Do you not think it was abusive

OP posts:
CheeseCrackers45 · 23/12/2023 16:39

It wasn't nice but I don't think it was THAT bad. Cut yourself some slack.

OneTC · 23/12/2023 16:39

Such a random insult, is he a copper or something?

Thementalloadisreal · 23/12/2023 16:40

Quite an odd thing to say really. Does he work in a role that people spit at?

Cheeesus · 23/12/2023 16:40

It sounds like he’s been horrible all day. What’s his excuse?

theresastormcoming · 23/12/2023 16:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MatildaTheCat · 23/12/2023 16:40

Well maybe he will think twice about winding you up when you can’t deal with it. Does he feel ashamed or disgusted with himself? Probably not.

You haven’t covered yourself in glory but I was expecting something far worse. You can apologise if it makes you feel better but I wouldn’t go overboard and I would explain how he was making you feel.

I hope he is more considerate going forward and you get some support with your mental health.

tomatoontoast · 23/12/2023 16:40

What an odd thing to say.

What does he do for work? I assume police, healthcare or door man?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 23/12/2023 16:41

What was he doing to annoy you on purpose? Surely its kind of his own fault for deliberately winding you up til you snap? You can't expect to deliberately irriate someone for an entire day and that they behave completely normally with you, surely?

Original poster
Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:41

He is police

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 23/12/2023 16:42

Spitting is imo worse than punching someone.
Its very odd that you said that.

Sunflower8848 · 23/12/2023 16:42

He sounds horrid winding you up all day - that’s cruel. I’m surprised you didn’t say worse tbh.

Hoglet70 · 23/12/2023 16:43

Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:39

Do you not think it was abusive

No I don't. Just very random and as I said, there are a hundred and one worse things you could say to someone than I hope someone spits at you!

tomatoontoast · 23/12/2023 16:44

Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:41

He is police

Well then what you said was disgusting.

You obviously know full well what a major issue spitting is.

KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 23/12/2023 16:44

Fucking hell OP RELAX. This is so not even remotely on the spectrum of offensive things to say to a spouse. In fact it’s pathetically inadequate as an insult - if my DH does this (stands behind doors and scares me, puts his teaspoon on my arm after stirring his tea etc) I’m more likely to tell him I hope someone shits in his coffee at work. And I’m not remotely sorry 🤣

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 23/12/2023 16:45

Is it upsetting you because it shows you really are starting to hate him.

KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 23/12/2023 16:45

Sidebeforeself · 23/12/2023 16:39

Well you should be. What do you want us to say?

FGS it’s barely an insult.

Original poster
Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:45

He purposely irritates me as he thinks it's funny.

I've been off work for a week an non stopped cleaned etc. Picked his clothes up off the floor, sorted all his families presents etc.

I've not been sleeping. When I do I have disturbing dreams. He knows this. My medication is due for upping I think.

My mum is currently terminal. My sister is also sick. My Dad and I are keeping the family afloat.

Had another horrendous sleep an snapped.

OP posts:
Winterknights · 23/12/2023 16:46

So he gets to aggravate and provoke you all day and then when you retaliate, you feel the guilt and shame. Do you think he is feeling shame for how he has treated you?

KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 23/12/2023 16:47

Sunflower8848 · 23/12/2023 16:42

He sounds horrid winding you up all day - that’s cruel. I’m surprised you didn’t say worse tbh.

I agree with this, sometimes I like a wind up and sometimes not but if it’s ‘not’ then DH stops. To piss someone else off on purpose all day is far worse than saying a few unpleasant words. TBH I’m disappointed but not surprised a copper treats his wife this way

WhateverMate · 23/12/2023 16:47

For some reason I thought you were going to say he's a Dentist 🙈

It wasn't a great thing to say but it's very mild in comparison to him winding up his mentally ill wife, for shits 'n giggles.

pinkfondu · 23/12/2023 16:47

He was pick, pick, pick, there's only so much you can take.

mottytotty · 23/12/2023 16:47

Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:39

Do you not think it was abusive

Why do you think it’s ok for DH to wind you up but the moment you respond it’s abusive?

He was asking for it. I think you were incredibly restrained, I would have told him to fuck off.