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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I said something awful to my DH

237 replies

Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:37

My DH has spent the majority of the day winding me up and annoying me on purpose.

I told him to stop as he was peeing me off and we started bickering. He thinks this is funny to do even when I tell him to stop.

I lost my temper and told him that I hope someone spits on him in work.

I'm mortified I said something so vile. I don't know where it came from.

I have a lot of anger in me at the moment for various things and ongoing mental health issues.

Waiting for treatment (not that this is an excuse.)

I apologised and he's gone out to watch the football all OK.

I'm ashamed and disgusted.

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 23/12/2023 16:48

is feel horrible if my husband said he hoped someone spat at me so yes , I’m my book, it is an insult

MahShinyShoes · 23/12/2023 16:48

If you did it regularly, or everytime you were angry or whatever, I think it would be abusive but as a one off moment of losing it, it's just unpleasant & good that you've apologised.

Did he apologise for not respecting your requests to stop deliberately annoying you?

Next time, say 'Ive asked you to stop this before. I need some space' and walk out & leave him with all the wrapping/cooking or whatever you were trying to do before he started being a dick & before you explode.

Sapphire387 · 23/12/2023 16:48

What was he actually doing, 'winding you up?

I'm inclined to think he deserved you to snap back. It's not the worst thing you could have said.

Janieforever · 23/12/2023 16:48

This sounds like a very dysfunctional dynamic. Yes it was gross what you said, yes his behaviour is unacceptable, why does he think it’s funny to upset you. The whole thing is deeply unhealthy.

Original poster
Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:48

Winding me up - talking over me, bossing me about, sarcy laugh when I told him to stop and that he was upsetting me, telling me to be quiet when I'm telling him what I've got on at the moment, invalidating my feelings, asking me what I've been doing with my time as been off for a week.

OP posts:
Couldyounot · 23/12/2023 16:48

Pearl-clutchers notwithstanding, you were remarkably restrained in the circumstances. He sounds like a complete dickhead.

mottytotty · 23/12/2023 16:49

Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:45

He purposely irritates me as he thinks it's funny.

I've been off work for a week an non stopped cleaned etc. Picked his clothes up off the floor, sorted all his families presents etc.

I've not been sleeping. When I do I have disturbing dreams. He knows this. My medication is due for upping I think.

My mum is currently terminal. My sister is also sick. My Dad and I are keeping the family afloat.

Had another horrendous sleep an snapped.

You just know he is the twat here. Why can’t he clean and pick up his things and sort his own family’s presents?

I suspect he is the reason for your mental health issues.

Leave the bastard and your mental health issues will get better.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 23/12/2023 16:49

Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:48

Winding me up - talking over me, bossing me about, sarcy laugh when I told him to stop and that he was upsetting me, telling me to be quiet when I'm telling him what I've got on at the moment, invalidating my feelings, asking me what I've been doing with my time as been off for a week.

This is more than "winding you up".

Sapphire387 · 23/12/2023 16:49

Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:48

Winding me up - talking over me, bossing me about, sarcy laugh when I told him to stop and that he was upsetting me, telling me to be quiet when I'm telling him what I've got on at the moment, invalidating my feelings, asking me what I've been doing with my time as been off for a week.

Well he sounds pleasant. Any good points to him? Is he usually like this?

MILTOBE · 23/12/2023 16:49

This is an incredibly unhealthy relationship. Do you have children together?

Have a look for the thread where the guy kept tripping the OP over. There are some awful people about.

mottytotty · 23/12/2023 16:49

Sidebeforeself · 23/12/2023 16:48

is feel horrible if my husband said he hoped someone spat at me so yes , I’m my book, it is an insult

Maybe read the thread?

mottytotty · 23/12/2023 16:50

Sidebeforeself · 23/12/2023 16:39

Well you should be. What do you want us to say?

Leave the bastard.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/12/2023 16:50

Please divorce this arsehole. Your mental health will improve significantly.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 23/12/2023 16:50

Well of course it's an unpleasant thing to say, but why has he been winding you up all day, especially as you have MH problems and are having a tough time with family illness? Is this typical behaviour for him?

adriftinadenofvipers · 23/12/2023 16:51

He deserved it!!

ItsMyPartyParty · 23/12/2023 16:52

Well yes it was an unpleasant thing to say, but it sounds like it was more than deserved. Do you think he’s currently feeling guilty about being such an arsehole to you?

misskatamari · 23/12/2023 16:52

You’re being unreasonable- only because you feel bad about this!

your husband sounds like an abusive immature arsehole! Winding you up on purpose, not respecting your boundaries when you ask him to stop, then stropping and punishing you when you eventually snap and lash out due to his behaviour. Utter dick of a man!

Sidebeforeself · 23/12/2023 16:53

@mottytotty I have, ta.

Original poster
Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:54

No children.

Whenever he argue he tells me I'm frightening our cat. I know I'm not.

I do feel like he gaslights me at times.

I did snap and I hold my hands up.

But I don't know how to handle the winding up

I've told him how it makes me feel and asked him to stop that I don't like it, I don't find it funny.

Nothing changes. I spend the bulk of his time at home peed off and angry.

OP posts:
TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 23/12/2023 16:54

He sounds like an immature bully. Unsurprising he's in that line of work.

diddl · 23/12/2023 16:54

He purposely irritates me as he thinks it's funny.

So no love or respect there then?

ConnieCroydon · 23/12/2023 16:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

BrioLover · 23/12/2023 16:54

I'm surprised you didn't tell him to fuck off permanently after a day of all that. Why are you with him? What does he actually bring to your life? Does he ever show you love or consideration when you're feeling under the weather?

And WTF is asking what you've done with your time all about - you've had a week off, you can do what you want with your time.

Tbh my DH could get like this when he was in the police. It was always about the 'banter' and we almost got divorced. Once he left and was out of that toxic environment he returned to his kind self.

Original poster
Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:55

I don't know.

Honest answer - how can he when he doesn't listen to me and see how ill i am

OP posts:
Original poster
Pixiedustandtwinkletoes6 · 23/12/2023 16:56

That's what I mean he thinks it's banter.

It's not!

OP posts: