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Original poster

Do I have to do Christmas again nearly 70

450 replies

justasking111 · 22/12/2023 12:44

I'm just so tired, in pain from scoliosis and an arthritic hip. We're doing Christmas again so husband can womble off for a 💩 in his own home. He's obsessed with having a dump in his own home post a uber large lunch. My offspring think it's wonderful they don't have to cook. I'm so tired, in pain and so much still to do. I'd love to jet away to be honest. Should I just suck it up.

OP posts:
CharlotteRumpling · 22/12/2023 12:47

No. It may be too late this year but next year insist on going away by yourself. Let your offspring do it.

Autumcolors · 22/12/2023 12:48

No you shouldn’t. Explain this year is a buffet
Get everyone to bring something - enough for the number of ppl you are and explain you are not cooking. Warming things in the oven is possible.
P the drinks and 1 - 2 desserts eg selection of ice cream, mince pies, cream, ready made custard and maybe a cake.
A buffet Christmas lunch is just as nice as a roast.
Allocation/ask for volunteers to tidy up - get this beforehand.

Terrribletwos · 22/12/2023 12:49

Does your husband help? Do your children help?

FloweryWowery · 22/12/2023 12:49

You have to do all the cooking and prep because your DH wants to poo in his own home! Whats the link? If he wants to stop at home, him and DC can do Christmas.

Livinginanotherworld · 22/12/2023 12:49

I’d be very tempted to check into a nice posh hotel for a few days, let him cook.

IdealHomeExhibition · 22/12/2023 12:50

If the highlight of your husbands Christmas is having a shit and you arrange Christmas around that, that's ridiculous and why do you do it?

EvilElsa · 22/12/2023 12:51

If you don't enjoy it and can't manage then of course don't do it! If you want to stay at home but not cater, then tell your kids that they need to each bring a course or just do some nibbles and send them off home for dinner. If your DH wants to stay at home then he is welcome to do so. Doesn't mean you have to. You could go out to a resteraunt and home afterwards. There are so many alternatives you could consider. The main thing you have to do though is speak up and say what you've said here. The rest can be decided from there. Decide this will be the last Christmas you do and stick to it.

ChimChimeny · 22/12/2023 12:51

presumably your DC are adults if you are nearly 70 so they should be helping. When we had Christmas at my mum's I did a lot of the cooking because she was playing with DC, we also split the food between us so one isn't forking out loads of money.
Does your DH do his share of cooking/tidying up/washing up etc? He should be! DH and I always cook together when it's at ours because again the grandparents are playing with DC

Original poster
justasking111 · 22/12/2023 12:51

It's not just the cooking. I've bathrooms, living rooms, dining room to clean, decorate. I've decorated, dining room, sitting room, hall, front porch.

I know that doesn't sound like much but it exhausts me.

OP posts:
inappropriateportioncontrol · 22/12/2023 12:52

@Autumcolors -a buffet Christmas lunch! Genius .
Why have I never thought of this ?

TizerorFizz · 22/12/2023 12:52

I’m maybe one year younger than you. I’ve been doing Christmas for 43 years! My mum gave up after my dad died. So I can get heartily sick of it too. I can only suggest - delegate! If dc come, they contribute to the work. Get dh to do the heavy lifting re shopping. DD is hoping to be with her boyfriend next year so she’s said, all being well, we can go to hers!!! Start negotiations with your dc! If you really don’t like Christmas, would you go away by yourself? Or you and DH? I quite like my freedom post Christmas. It’s one day. After that, minimal input from me!

Notonthestairs · 22/12/2023 12:52

Awww no you shouldn't have been left with this.

Your husband and adult children should be taking the strain of planning & cooking dinner. Tell them you are in pain.

If they won't take the initiative then start giving instructions (not requests).

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 22/12/2023 12:53

Tell your DC (and your DH if he's more physically fit, and has time around his planned shits!) that you can't cook, it's too much, so they're welcome to come but they'll need to man the kitchen instead of you.

BluebellsForest · 22/12/2023 12:53

Terrribletwos · 22/12/2023 12:49

Does your husband help? Do your children help?

Help? They can do it all.

Feet up, OP. Apart from anything else, your health won't allow you to run after them this year.

Terrribletwos · 22/12/2023 12:53

Well don't do it and tell everyone why; you're exhausted and, no, I don't think it's too late. They won't starve.

CharlotteRumpling · 22/12/2023 12:54

justasking111 · 22/12/2023 12:51

It's not just the cooking. I've bathrooms, living rooms, dining room to clean, decorate. I've decorated, dining room, sitting room, hall, front porch.

I know that doesn't sound like much but it exhausts me.

It does sound like much. Make your DC do it. Or don't decorate.

Sunnydays0101 · 22/12/2023 12:54

Message your children and explain you’re not feeling the best and delegate - can one come and help with setting table/getting rooms ready, another take care of veg prep, divide out desserts between them. If the object or moan - ignore!

CharlotteRumpling · 22/12/2023 12:54

Oh and your DH can clean the bathrooms since he is so obsessed with them.

mondaytosunday · 22/12/2023 12:54

It's rather late in the day to ask people to bring food, and I imagine you've already bought the lot. However certainly not too late to get your kids to come early and help! The fact you're nearly 70 has nothing to do with it, the fact you are not well does. The fact you feel taken advantage of certainly does!
Tell your husband to do his share too. You don't have to be a martyr here.

transcendingxmas · 22/12/2023 12:54

Autumcolors · 22/12/2023 12:48

No you shouldn’t. Explain this year is a buffet
Get everyone to bring something - enough for the number of ppl you are and explain you are not cooking. Warming things in the oven is possible.
P the drinks and 1 - 2 desserts eg selection of ice cream, mince pies, cream, ready made custard and maybe a cake.
A buffet Christmas lunch is just as nice as a roast.
Allocation/ask for volunteers to tidy up - get this beforehand.

Excellent advice IMO!

If you are wanting to stop this in the future and it sounds like you should, this idea would be a great way of winding down expectations in the future.

Your retirement from Doing Xmas won't be such a surprise to everyone and they can start thinking about other arrangements.

We're doing Christmas again so husband can womble off for a 💩 in his own home.

😂What IS it with men and toilets?

WashableVelvet · 22/12/2023 12:54

I think they can all bring dishes - including the turkey! Might be too late for that this year though.

Why on earth do you have to decorate what sounds like the whole downstairs just because your own kids are coming for lunch?

GoodOldEmmaNess · 22/12/2023 12:55

Ah, god, don't do it. Or if it is too late to avoid this year, then don't do it again. I'm only 60 and I am seeing redder and redder and redder at all the older women who are exhausted and furious and trapped. And their families don't see it. Or won't acknowledge it. It isn't them it's 'her'. The menopause, or depression, or just being 'an older woman' (as if that defined her). Not the fact that she has been trapped in one exhausting role for decades and wants the fuck out of it.

TizerorFizz · 22/12/2023 12:55

@justasking111 So dh basically does nothing? No decorating? Get a house clean (end of regency type!). Work out how to save on your energy. You seem to be with a waste of space!

MsAnnFrope · 22/12/2023 12:56

Have you told your children how you are feeling? I would never let my mum take on all that if she needed my help. Ironically she comes to us and is desperate to have jobs to do!

FrenchandSaunders · 22/12/2023 12:56

Do it this year as it’s too late to change it now. But next year ask one of your DCs to host, or go out to a pub or away on holiday.

Your DH will have to get used to having a shit elsewhere!