Page 18 | Do I have to do Christmas again nearly 70

justasking111 · 2023-12-22T12:44:45+00:00

I'm just so tired, in pain from scoliosis and an arthritic hip. We're doing Christmas again so husband can womble off for a 💩 in his own home. He's obsessed with having a dump in his own home post a uber large lunch. My offspring think it's wonderful they don't have to cook. I'm so tired, in pain and so much still to do. I'd love to jet away to be honest. Should I just suck it up.

SimilarThread · 27/12/2023 07:44

SpudleyLass · 26/12/2023 20:25

You mean your son has cleaners and gardener's?

I wish I could hug your DIL and advise her to run far from your son.

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Reading between the line, OP resents and is critical of her dil. Even saying cleaners and gardeners in the plural, is intended to imply that her dil has a fleet of help. The criticism is evident. And attributing the help to the dil not the son is, as you say, very telling indeed.

I expect OP is envious at some level of what she sees as her dil having an easier life than she has had.

Original poster

justasking111 · 27/12/2023 09:31

SimilarThread · 27/12/2023 07:44

Reading between the line, OP resents and is critical of her dil. Even saying cleaners and gardeners in the plural, is intended to imply that her dil has a fleet of help. The criticism is evident. And attributing the help to the dil not the son is, as you say, very telling indeed.

I expect OP is envious at some level of what she sees as her dil having an easier life than she has had.

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Absolutely not true my DIL is a delight, the kindest, hardest working person, a great mummy. Why shouldn't she employ outside help. She earns more than double anyone that she employs in the home so logically her time is financially better spent on her business and her family.

I'm not jealous at all . When I worked I had a cleaner and our business revolved around the children.

I might actually thinking about it use her cleaner occasionally for a deep clean.

OP posts:

C8H10N4O2 · 27/12/2023 09:34

justasking111 · 26/12/2023 20:04

@Anonymouseposter . My OH does do all the cooking as I have mentioned a number of times.

We only have one tree. I agree about decorating everywhere. I do the front porch, hall, sitting room and dining room.

It's the damned scoliosis and arthritis in my spine and hip that make life so difficult and painful. Vacuuming, is slow work. As is cleaning bathrooms and making beds.

My physiotherapist has said rest after each task a maximum of three tasks a day. Sit down to prep in the kitchen. She said putting rolling wheels on a high stool in the kitchen would mean I could scoot around which I'm thinking of doing.

Really? That is quite the change from the story you were telling earlier in this thread where OH only does the "Tada" cooking and you do all the kitchen porter duties whilst he cooks as well as "It's not just the cooking. I've bathrooms, living rooms, dining room to clean, decorate. I've decorated, dining room, sitting room, hall, front porch. I know that doesn't sound like much but it exhausts me*

Earlier in this thread your sons were not helping and your expectation was on the DiLs.

Make your mind up what your story is because its quite the turnaround from multiple posts describing four self centred men excused if favour of blaming the nearest woman.

Neitheronethingnortheother · 27/12/2023 09:35

Oh do keep track of your own stories OP

I have told one DIL who doesn't work that she's doing Xmas next year. She's got the room

She earns more than double anyone that she employs in the home so logically her time is financially better spent on her business and her family.

She's set up that successful business overnight then...

C8H10N4O2 · 27/12/2023 09:39

ITryHarder · 26/12/2023 22:11

Oh, come on now. There's nothing wrong with being a traditional family where she does the cooking and he takes out the garbage, or vice-versa if that's what they want. Some of these responses might explain why so many marriages fall apart these days. And no one knows what OPs relationship is with that DIL. Maybe they have that kind of rapport where she could say 'next year, you do the cooking'. Maybe the DIL AND son are happy to have the celebration at their house. People sure jump to conclusions, I assume based on their own screwed up relationships. My H enjoyed cooking and was pretty good at it, but holiday meals were MY domain by choice. Fortunately, he was good enough to help with anything else I asked of him. Some of you may think HE should share in your duties, and that's fine, if you're willing to climb up on the roof to fix something or chop the firewood, whatever. And a few women would, but most women, after whining that he should do for her, will also call on him to do what she thinks is his.

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That isn't what the OP was describing upthread - she described doing all the decorating herself as well as all the "traditional" woman's task. It was not an equal relationship being described, it was everything falling to her as well has having to pander to her DH's ridiculous controlling behaviour around his bowels (never a problem when he wanted to stay somewhere, only when he doesn't).

Funny how the "traditional" women's tasks tend to be those which need doing day in and day out and involve remembering and managing all family relationships but the male jobs are occasional things - how many shelves has your DH put up per year on average, how many trips to the roof?

The OP has now done a reverse ferret on the story after multiple posters pointed out that dumping on the next female generation simply makes it another woman's problem. Even her disparaging comments about the DiL are being reversed.

Who knows what the reality is but I'm not wasting time on a thread where the OP drips and drips and then reverses their story to manipulate posters' responses.

Original poster

justasking111 · 27/12/2023 09:45

Neitheronethingnortheother · 27/12/2023 09:35

Oh do keep track of your own stories OP

I have told one DIL who doesn't work that she's doing Xmas next year. She's got the room

She earns more than double anyone that she employs in the home so logically her time is financially better spent on her business and her family.

She's set up that successful business overnight then...

Not overnight, it's a hobby that's just exploded for her financially. Sometimes this does happen you know. Takes a few hours a week of her time.

OP posts:

Original poster

justasking111 · 27/12/2023 09:46

C8H10N4O2 · 27/12/2023 09:39

That isn't what the OP was describing upthread - she described doing all the decorating herself as well as all the "traditional" woman's task. It was not an equal relationship being described, it was everything falling to her as well has having to pander to her DH's ridiculous controlling behaviour around his bowels (never a problem when he wanted to stay somewhere, only when he doesn't).

Funny how the "traditional" women's tasks tend to be those which need doing day in and day out and involve remembering and managing all family relationships but the male jobs are occasional things - how many shelves has your DH put up per year on average, how many trips to the roof?

The OP has now done a reverse ferret on the story after multiple posters pointed out that dumping on the next female generation simply makes it another woman's problem. Even her disparaging comments about the DiL are being reversed.

Who knows what the reality is but I'm not wasting time on a thread where the OP drips and drips and then reverses their story to manipulate posters' responses.

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👋👋

OP posts:

tenterden · 27/12/2023 09:48

This is a load of rubbish isn’t it?

First, “DIL Who Has Been Instructed To Host Next Year” doesn’t work, then suddenly she’s a successful business owner.

And what on earth is all this nonsense about DH forcing you up the road with him when he wants a 💩? Either you accept you are living with an abusive Wankbadger and make plans to leave, or you accept you are an award winning martyr.

Neitheronethingnortheother · 27/12/2023 09:48

justasking111 · 27/12/2023 09:45

Not overnight, it's a hobby that's just exploded for her financially. Sometimes this does happen you know. Takes a few hours a week of her time.

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Sure sure your sons work and your Dil simultaneously "doesn't work" and has a little hobby on the side that pays double what she pays her many gardeners and cleaners

As well as borrowing the cleaner for deep cleaning you might want to borrow the gardener to help you with the hole you are digging 🙄

Original poster

justasking111 · 27/12/2023 09:51

Neitheronethingnortheother · 27/12/2023 09:48

Sure sure your sons work and your Dil simultaneously "doesn't work" and has a little hobby on the side that pays double what she pays her many gardeners and cleaners

As well as borrowing the cleaner for deep cleaning you might want to borrow the gardener to help you with the hole you are digging 🙄

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👋👋

OP posts:

Scalottia · 27/12/2023 10:37

So...does DIL work or not?

Me so confused 🙃

randomuser2020 · 27/12/2023 14:09

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

ITryHarder · 27/12/2023 15:20

C8H10N4O2 · 27/12/2023 09:39

That isn't what the OP was describing upthread - she described doing all the decorating herself as well as all the "traditional" woman's task. It was not an equal relationship being described, it was everything falling to her as well has having to pander to her DH's ridiculous controlling behaviour around his bowels (never a problem when he wanted to stay somewhere, only when he doesn't).

Funny how the "traditional" women's tasks tend to be those which need doing day in and day out and involve remembering and managing all family relationships but the male jobs are occasional things - how many shelves has your DH put up per year on average, how many trips to the roof?

The OP has now done a reverse ferret on the story after multiple posters pointed out that dumping on the next female generation simply makes it another woman's problem. Even her disparaging comments about the DiL are being reversed.

Who knows what the reality is but I'm not wasting time on a thread where the OP drips and drips and then reverses their story to manipulate posters' responses.

Show quote history

I support OP 100% about not preparing the meal anymore and entertaining in her home. If she no longer wants to, she shouldn't have to. I see the bowels issue as a totally separate issue that I would have handled the first time it ever happened by saying "you go. I'm staying". If he pouted, tuff snoggies. That ones on her.

From the beginning, I didn't see OPs H as abusive in any way, or that she feared him. Maybe, maybe, maybe, we'll never know, but she didn't allude to anything like that, yet many jumped on abuse - emotional, psychological, physical. I saw him simply as a man who liked to have things his way, and she just needs to firmly speak up, say NO, leave for the day... whatever. People should stop psychoanalyzing every damn little thing.

My comments are geared toward her comment to her DIL, and the criticism she seems to be taking for it, implying she's shoving the problem off on the next generation of women instead of the men. How do some of you jump to these ridiculous assumptions without knowing the DILs situation OR her H. All I know is that if I was capable of doing it all, decorating inside/outside, cooking for 20, and everything else that goes along with holidays while raising 3 children, anyone can - IF they want to, IF they find some joy in it, IF they care more about the others than they do for themselves. If not or if you no longer do, say so and don't do it. I was at home while my H worked a good 10-12 hours a day. I would have been ashamed to expect him to cook, clean, decorate. And to the smarty-pants who questioned how often must he do the things he does implying they are seldom, how often do the Christmas holidays come around.

I guess what disappoints me with many women is that what they're actually admitting, maybe without realizing it, is that they're incapable of doing anything that requires a little extra effort. I, myself, and most women in my family charged in with I-can-do-anything attitudes, and would be ashamed to admit they couldn't.

ilovesooty · 27/12/2023 15:24

The OP has been posting for a long time but after feeling sympathetic about her situation I don't care for the way she's coming over in her most recent posts.

Neitheronethingnortheother · 27/12/2023 15:54

ITryHarder · 27/12/2023 15:20

I support OP 100% about not preparing the meal anymore and entertaining in her home. If she no longer wants to, she shouldn't have to. I see the bowels issue as a totally separate issue that I would have handled the first time it ever happened by saying "you go. I'm staying". If he pouted, tuff snoggies. That ones on her.

From the beginning, I didn't see OPs H as abusive in any way, or that she feared him. Maybe, maybe, maybe, we'll never know, but she didn't allude to anything like that, yet many jumped on abuse - emotional, psychological, physical. I saw him simply as a man who liked to have things his way, and she just needs to firmly speak up, say NO, leave for the day... whatever. People should stop psychoanalyzing every damn little thing.

My comments are geared toward her comment to her DIL, and the criticism she seems to be taking for it, implying she's shoving the problem off on the next generation of women instead of the men. How do some of you jump to these ridiculous assumptions without knowing the DILs situation OR her H. All I know is that if I was capable of doing it all, decorating inside/outside, cooking for 20, and everything else that goes along with holidays while raising 3 children, anyone can - IF they want to, IF they find some joy in it, IF they care more about the others than they do for themselves. If not or if you no longer do, say so and don't do it. I was at home while my H worked a good 10-12 hours a day. I would have been ashamed to expect him to cook, clean, decorate. And to the smarty-pants who questioned how often must he do the things he does implying they are seldom, how often do the Christmas holidays come around.

I guess what disappoints me with many women is that what they're actually admitting, maybe without realizing it, is that they're incapable of doing anything that requires a little extra effort. I, myself, and most women in my family charged in with I-can-do-anything attitudes, and would be ashamed to admit they couldn't.

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Under his eye

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 27/12/2023 16:02

You are telling us y hat YOUR life is controlled by your husbands shit. Literally. And metaphorically.

I think this is your issue sadly.

Good news is you are never too old to qork out and stop taking it on,board.

It's his shit. Let him deal with it.

ITryHarder · 27/12/2023 16:27

Neitheronethingnortheother · 27/12/2023 15:54

Under his eye

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I have no idea what you're talking about.

ITryHarder · 27/12/2023 16:31

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 27/12/2023 16:02

You are telling us y hat YOUR life is controlled by your husbands shit. Literally. And metaphorically.

I think this is your issue sadly.

Good news is you are never too old to qork out and stop taking it on,board.

It's his shit. Let him deal with it.

Thank you. Someone who has finally addressed only the picture she painted and not created a whole bunch of abusive fantasies.

Canthave2manycats · 27/12/2023 17:53

justasking111 · 27/12/2023 09:31

Absolutely not true my DIL is a delight, the kindest, hardest working person, a great mummy. Why shouldn't she employ outside help. She earns more than double anyone that she employs in the home so logically her time is financially better spent on her business and her family.

I'm not jealous at all . When I worked I had a cleaner and our business revolved around the children.

I might actually thinking about it use her cleaner occasionally for a deep clean.

Show quote history

ROFL at the DIL who doesn't working having morphed into a successful businesswoman over the space of a couple of days....

Ah well, OP, you had a good run, I'll give you that.

LittlePudding1 · 27/12/2023 18:00

What I would like to know is why can't your husband come home on his own and have a shit, you've said you only live 5 minutes walk away from family

Why do you have to come with him? And why are you coming with him

Why aren't you saying, I'm not ready to leave, go on your own

This post is screaming bullshit to me now (no pun intended)

Winnipeg23 · 27/12/2023 19:18

Even if this whole post is BS it has been a great read and has provided me with a mild level of hilarity, outrage and just sheer entertainment over the last few days.
Sistene chapel, dressing gown of doom and P. Beaker, move over there's a new thread in town🤣

Catsandcuddles · 27/12/2023 19:28

I've read the full thread, the more I read the more ridiculous the whole thing is

I was on board at first, thought perhaps your husband has toilet anxiety or a bowel issue, but it is becoming clear that this is about him controlling you. Your children live less than 5 mins walk, why can't your husband just walk home, go to the toilet and come back? No he insists you have to go home with him, he undermines you, he doesn't believe you have a genuine illness. This is so much more than his bowel issue, he is controlling you.

Then the dislike of your Daugher in law is very evident , you say she's a delight but it doesn't come across this way, in fact it sounds like you are jealous and resent her for having a cleaner etc.

You don't need to host if you don't want to do it anymore, but don't insist someone else does it either I.e your son and DIL.

FiveShelties · 28/12/2023 04:39

Haha very good OP, nothing like a poo thread and to then add in a bit of DIL has staff just tops it off. 😄

ChristmasFluff · 28/12/2023 10:14

Yeah, even if your entrepreneurial / non-working DIL hosts next year, you're still going to be trotting off after your husband and his errant bowels, just like you did on Boxing Day.

whatdidshedotogetahillnamedafterher · 28/12/2023 13:35

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