Do I have to do Christmas again nearly 70

[justasking111]

I'm just so tired, in pain from scoliosis and an arthritic hip. We're doing Christmas again so husband can womble off for a 💩 in his own home. He's obsessed with having a dump in his own home post a uber large lunch. My offspring think it's wonderful they don't have to cook. I'm so tired, in pain and so much still to do. I'd love to jet away to be honest. Should I just suck it up.

Time for the adult kids to take over. My mum is 69, we've taken over the cooking for years even at her house. My first Xmas dinner lead role was when I was 20 and mum had shingles. It's just a roast dinner. Tell them what you need them to do.

Crap I am 65 and don't want to do it anymore.

lolol at 'end of regency' deep clean, @TizerorFizz. Please don't correct that wonderful autocorrect. Am picturing something done by Blackadder and Baldrick.

If you can, book a restaurant for lunch/dinner for christmas eve or christmas day. Go sit and enjoy.

Husband better get obsessed with cooking and hosting then hadn't he? His choice, his party, his circus, his monkeys.

@justasking111 I'm mid 70's and for me it's easy to be so tired that you don't have the energy or the head space to stop and reformulate. You just plough on blindly in a haze of pain and exhaustion .
Stop .
There's no need to do so much ,certainly no need to decorate everywhere .Ask your offspring do it if it's so important.
Ditto a hundred other things .

Make it clear to DH that next year you either go somewhere else or he is fully responsible for all the cleaning, decorating and cooking.

I know you might feel an obligation to do it well for family and I can understand that. HOWEVER, your family sound like a bunch of Royle Family clones expecting you, Barbara to do everything while they sit around to be waited upon knowing you are not that well. Selfish people, But you are making a rod for your own back by letting it happen.

No, I would call all of them the evening before and say they will have to cook dinner themselves, you are not up to it.

You will provide everything, but do nothing, and see what the response is.

A week away anywhere next year is your plan. And stick to it.

Send them all to the bathroom to watch your husband wombling off for a dump in his own house. They won't stick around for long.

Honestly, I'd delegate. If you (or your DH) need Christmas to be in your own home, just tell your kids what you need them to do and if they're not happy with the arrangement, they can come up with alternative ideas.

We’re off to my in laws for Christmas (again) as they’re too old/not well enough for the 7 hour journey between us. They’ve not managed to decorate yet, so DC (14 & 12) are on decorating duties as soon as we arrive. They will also do table laying and food prep (for all meals, not just Christmas lunch). DH and I will do the cooking and clearing up. I wouldn’t dream of showing up to elderly in laws and expect to be waited on. It’s actually also far more enjoyable in my view if everyone pitches in. Your guests need to split jobs between them.

No OH does cook but the tada stuff, game pies, salmon terrines, he took the Christmas cake off me when he retired. But not the icing, decorating. He likes the applause. Cooks enough for three families and divies up the game terrine and game pie. Then cooks Christmas lunch while I'm just the kitchen porter .

I just want my 40 plus aged kids to step up and entertain. At 22 I had 14 around our table at Xmas I hadn't even had my first child. But God I had more energy then

It absolutely isn't too late for people to buy food, but I would relent and let them use the kitchen to cook/heat so long as they clean up after themselves.

This is perfect. And if your kids don’t like the fact that their 70 year old mum isn’t cooking a massive traditional lunch, they can either lump it or not come.

Next year, absolutely do jet off somewhere on your own.

Do you ever get away from your house or are you a prisoner of H’s dysfunctional toilet habits? Does he go on holiday or out for meals?

Tough shit for him, tbh!
Can one of your kids host, or at least help with prep - bring food, etc.
Do you have to decorate to a large extent?
All sounds crazy just so your dh can 💩 in his own loo (I’m not a fan of pooing in other peoples toilets, but if I have to , I do & it doesn’t stop me doing anything).

"I just want my 40 plus aged kids to step up and entertain. At 22 I had 14 around our table at Xmas I hadn't even had my first child. But God I had more energy then"

Have you tried asking them to entertain? They might not be suggesting it because they don't want to hurt your feelings

@justasking111 stop being the kitchen porter ,one of the other guests can do this .If necessary insist that unless you have a lie down upstairs before lunch ,you'll be fit for nothing .
Book a cleaner for after Christmas who will also take the decorations down .

I agree. It’s heartbreaking. And the only thing stopping these women from breaking free from it is their own minds - feelings of guilt, obligation and not wanting their families to see them as difficult.

@GoodOldEmmaNess Ooops! But you get the gist.

@justasking111 Well if he cooks, that’s great. Mine is useless. Just says he cannot do anything to my standards. My DDs had a go at him when he had to query me about trimming broccoli stems. It’s pathetic. He eats them so he knows the length they should be. DDs do help but I’ve cut down a lot and they add in what they want. It’s Sunday lunch really!

One year when son got married before kids we were invited there it was bliss until husband got twitchy because he needed the loo. So we had to leave.

Too late for 2023, but book yourself a nice solo trip away for 2024. Nobody should have to do any of this stuff, if they don't want to, whatever their age.
Plus sounds like a husband problem - if he's not willing to leave the house, just go without him!

Why can't he go to the loo in his own child's home?!?! That is absolutely ridiculous

It's too late to change all the plans now, but you need help and to make sure that you don't do it next year.

My mum is your age and actually asked (for various reasons) if she could host Christmas this year. Fantastic for us! However, if she was feeling poorly and asked us for help we would step in and do it all. You need to ask your children to come earlier and do it. Put it on your family Whatsapp now and let them allocate jobs.

I don't know your family dynamic, but my Mum is very controlling in the kitchen. I wouldn't enjoy sharing the tasks with her and would rather she just left me and my siblings to it. Might be something to think about.

And put your foot down about next year. Say you are retiring from Christmas hosting.

That's really awful of your DC. If I was your daughter and space at my house was an issue I'd be bringing the food to you and doing all the cooking at your house whilst you put your feet up and your DH had a nice poo!

Omg, that's just so.... weird. Take separate cars and he can drive home to his own loo and let you enjoy Christmas elsewhere