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Original poster

Do I have to do Christmas again nearly 70

450 replies

justasking111 · 22/12/2023 12:44

I'm just so tired, in pain from scoliosis and an arthritic hip. We're doing Christmas again so husband can womble off for a 💩 in his own home. He's obsessed with having a dump in his own home post a uber large lunch. My offspring think it's wonderful they don't have to cook. I'm so tired, in pain and so much still to do. I'd love to jet away to be honest. Should I just suck it up.

OP posts:
randomuser2019 · 22/12/2023 13:30

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

IloveJudgeJudy · 22/12/2023 13:30

Surely DH can do the cleaning that’s left now. He’s got three days to do that so it should be fine.

Agree with PPs that you could get a DC to be the kitchen porter.

Delegate 😊

Bookworm1111 · 22/12/2023 13:30

OhGoOnThenIfYouInsist · 22/12/2023 13:30

#christmasloggate

😂

greengreengrass25 · 22/12/2023 13:31

I'm sick of it too and I'm much younger

Yanbu

Bookworm1111 · 22/12/2023 13:31

I'd give anything to just turn up and be waited on after 46 years of playing host.

So tell your family that!

Mrsjayy · 22/12/2023 13:32

why dont they help you is your husband too busy in the toilet to help why is your lazy family just rocking up?

SleepingStandingUp · 22/12/2023 13:32

justasking111 · 22/12/2023 13:02

No OH does cook but the tada stuff, game pies, salmon terrines, he took the Christmas cake off me when he retired. But not the icing, decorating. He likes the applause. Cooks enough for three families and divies up the game terrine and game pie. Then cooks Christmas lunch while I'm just the kitchen porter .

I just want my 40 plus aged kids to step up and entertain. At 22 I had 14 around our table at Xmas I hadn't even had my first child. But God I had more energy then

Show quote history

So tell your kids, not us. Mother In Law comes to us, and DFIL too before he died. She turns up when she wants, usually brings a piece of meat so she feels she's contributed but I never ask, and leaves when she wants. She washes up if she chooses to and makes DH dry.

BananaSpanner · 22/12/2023 13:33

My god woman! Find your voice. They’re your children. When they then turn up, or in advance say to them you’ll need to do the fetching and carrying today as I’m in pain. Then after this Christmas is done and periodically throughout next year say to husband that your need for an easy Christmas is greater than his toilet preference and you will not be hosting next year and not to overrule you. How is any of this so hard?!

Mrsjayy · 22/12/2023 13:35

my mum is a few years older than you and she just does her own thing now, she wont even come out the house now i think they have a great day.

whatsappdoc · 22/12/2023 13:36

It's not too late for him to clean, shop, cook etc and host. If he wants to shit at home he needs to know what a huge job it is for you. He needs to step up and basically treat you as a guest in your own home. What's wrong with your children taking over the cooking, clearing up and hosting on the day as well?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/12/2023 13:36

justasking111 · 22/12/2023 13:29

I don't offer husband does. I'd give anything to just turn up and be waited on after 46 years of playing host

Show quote history

No, I'm not accepting that. You are a grown woman and you can use your voice to say "NO, dear children - despite what your father says, I will not be catering Christmas this year. It is getting too much for me. I would love to join one or all of you for Christmas at your houses!"

Otherwise he will keep saying "come to ours", and you will keep muttering resentfully but not saying NO. And your children will start to wonder why you insist on catering Christmas when you clearly don't enjoy it.

Violinist64 · 22/12/2023 13:36

You are not being unreasonable in the slightest. I am guessing that, at nearly seventy, you have been hosting Christmas for over forty years. If adult offspring are staying, they should all take turns with making sure the house is clean and tidy as well as putting up the decorations along with your husband. They should also do the food preparation and clearing up for the Christmas dinner.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 22/12/2023 13:37

Tell him that you aren’t doing the cooking or the clearing up. Tell the DC they can help their Dad in the kitchen because you are going to be sitting down with a cuppa or glass of something bubbly.

wronginalltherightways · 22/12/2023 13:37

Acquire an ankle boot. Say you've twisted your ankle and have to sit with it up for the day.

Rickenbackergoodgrief · 22/12/2023 13:39

No, you don't have to do it.
You've chosen to do it, or you would have said no right at the start.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 22/12/2023 13:40

Dh sounds like a bully tbh.

You will have to have a festive illness/wrist injury so he and your adult DC have to step up.

Then next year you go to DC for Christmas. If Dh wants to stay home he stays home alone. Stop pandering to him. If he comes with and wants to leave for a poo, off he goes, you can stay where you are.

Stop being such a martyr.

Birdcar · 22/12/2023 13:41

Why are you facilitating this nonsense?

Start saying no.

BarbaraofSeville · 22/12/2023 13:42

justasking111 · 22/12/2023 13:27

I guess it's my fault my children don't know how I feel but they won't cross their dad who wants to play host.

Some times I really don't want the grandchildren but husband over rules me even though he's absent. I do love my grandchildren but on a bad day pain wise 🥹

But he's not 'playing host' is he?

He hosts then, he hosts. So it's him that does all the planning, prep, shopping, decorating and cooking, no?

Original poster
justasking111 · 22/12/2023 13:42

You're all so kind. It's OH that drives it all across the generations we just do as we're told.

I have told one DIL who doesn't work that she's doing Xmas next year. She's got the room

OP posts:
mottytotty · 22/12/2023 13:43

Tell DH if he wants to host then he needs to do it all.

Put your feet up, don’t lift a finger.

Next year he won’t want to host.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/12/2023 13:44

I have told one DIL who doesn't work that she's doing Xmas next year. She's got the room

Eh? This can't be real.

mrsm43s · 22/12/2023 13:45

justasking111 · 22/12/2023 13:42

You're all so kind. It's OH that drives it all across the generations we just do as we're told.

I have told one DIL who doesn't work that she's doing Xmas next year. She's got the room

Why did you tell your DIL and not your son? He's just as capable as cooking and cleaning as his wife is. Please don't perpetuate the myth that women should be unpaid skivvies for the men.

Original poster
justasking111 · 22/12/2023 13:46

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/12/2023 13:44

I have told one DIL who doesn't work that she's doing Xmas next year. She's got the room

Eh? This can't be real.

Why do you not think a woman 30 odd years younger than me can't host a Christmas lunch?

OP posts:
SeatonCarew · 22/12/2023 13:46

Forget the cleaning, if the house is full enough with people nobody notices, and it'll only need doing again afterwards. Polish the taps in the bathrooms and put out a fresh towel.

Make yourself Director of Operations, not the factotem. Do you have a forthright DD who will issue instructions in your behalf? Enlist your DC's support and be brisk! Once you've done it once, next year will be a lot easier.

Courage, dear heart, courage, and good luck! 💕

intotheblueagain · 22/12/2023 13:46

Well of course you don't have to - the question is why are you choosing to?