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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you don't eat dairy you can't expect everyone to make everything dairy free just for you?

362 replies

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:40

I have a relative. She's gone dairy free. Fine. We'll get some stuff she can eat in for Christmas. But she's been asking what we're having and every time I say something like coronation turkey on boxing day or trifle but don't worry I'll make you something dairy free She's being really annoying and insisting I make it all dairy free so she doesn't miss out. I think she just has to accept a dairy free trifle would be shit and she can't eat the cheese but we're all going to eat it anyway.
As long as there's enough food she can eat I think it's fine.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ellesbellesxxx · 22/12/2023 08:41

Yanbu and I say that as someone dairy free/veggie!

Original poster
kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:41

Aparantly it's mean if we're eating cheese and she can't have any

OP posts:
Iwantmyoldnameback · 22/12/2023 08:43

Is it a medical condition or a choice?

LuvMyBoyz · 22/12/2023 08:43

Oops. I voted the wrong way but YANBU. It’s so lovely of you to make some dairy-free alternatives. Leave it at that.

BMW6 · 22/12/2023 08:45

Tell her she doesn't have to come at all. It's absolutely ridiculous to want all the food to be dairy free because she is CHOOSING to go DF!

Soontobe60 · 22/12/2023 08:45

When you say ‘gone dairy free’ do you mean she’s chosen to cut out dairy as opposed to having an actual allergy?
Either way, she’s a cheeky sod. Tell her to make her own dairy free trifle!

NigelHarmansNewWife · 22/12/2023 08:45

Is she dairy free through choice or because she has an allergy? That would make a big difference in my eyes. I regularly cater for CMPA and it's easy to make things which are naturally dairy free for everyone. Where things like cream feature there are so many good substitutes available these days it's easy to make a dairy free version. I don't get what about coronation turkey is dairy tbh. It usually contains mayonnaise, which is dairy free - pretty much oil and eggs

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 22/12/2023 08:45

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:41

Aparantly it's mean if we're eating cheese and she can't have any

Then she can choose to eat cheese! Am presuming she’s gone dairy free by choice, since you don’t mention any food intolerances - she needs to own her choice and not impose it on everyone else in that case!

If she’d said that to me, I’d have assumed she was joking and laughed, I’m afraid.

tescocreditcard · 22/12/2023 08:46

If you accept an invitation to eat at someone elses house then you eat w hat you are given. Thats just basic good manners.

Lammveg · 22/12/2023 08:46

@LuvMyBoyz just FYI you can change your vote ☺️

Idunno8 · 22/12/2023 08:46

What would be reasonable would be to buy her own and bring it. Doing Christmas day is expensive enough but having a child with allergies I know how much the dairy free stuff costs, I bring her food with me when we go somewhere so as to not put others out.
Sounds like a thoroughly selfish person, I’d univite the CF.

Rosebud21 · 22/12/2023 08:47

If this is a FOMO, when the person has been offered an alternative, rather than valid concerns about illness/reaction/allergy caused by food contamination then YANBU

Catza · 22/12/2023 08:47

As long as she has enough flavorsome options, I don't see an issue. It's not mean for other people to enjoy food they can eat. It would be mean if she could eat nothing on offer.
We have a relative with coeliac disease and we do use GF breadcrumbs and try to make a desert without party base. But this is much easier to accommodate than dairy-free. She has zero complaints about us having croissants for breakfast and will just bring her own bread to toast.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 22/12/2023 08:47

Get her a vegan cheeseboard then she's not left out when it comes to cheese. While I wouldn't cook and make things which meant there wasn't something suitable for her to eat, trying to stop others from eating cheese, etc is ridiculous of her.

Original poster
kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:47

Shes intolerant not allergic so she can be in the same room as it just if she eats it she gets ill

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 22/12/2023 08:47

tell her you've decided to go dairy-free-guest free

DisforDarkChocolate · 22/12/2023 08:47

My son has a dairy free diet. He doesn't get to eat everything we do, he'd think we were being ridiculous if we did.

Malarandras · 22/12/2023 08:47

I’m guessing this person is not lactose intolerant? In which case I’d tell her to bring her own dairy free alternatives and you crack on with what you planned to have and darn well enjoy it!!!

Damnloginpopup · 22/12/2023 08:48

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:41

Aparantly it's mean if we're eating cheese and she can't have any

It's meaner if the rest of you can't have any...

Get her a dairy free alternative if you really must. A slice of potato perhaps.

Dizzydahlias · 22/12/2023 08:48

It sounds like you are making an effort. Why should everything be dairy free, it can be more expensive, not as nice and less convenient.

Original poster
kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:48

NigelHarmansNewWife · 22/12/2023 08:45

Is she dairy free through choice or because she has an allergy? That would make a big difference in my eyes. I regularly cater for CMPA and it's easy to make things which are naturally dairy free for everyone. Where things like cream feature there are so many good substitutes available these days it's easy to make a dairy free version. I don't get what about coronation turkey is dairy tbh. It usually contains mayonnaise, which is dairy free - pretty much oil and eggs

Oh. I put cream in mine. Maybe I could just look up a different recipe for that then

OP posts:
DontKaleMyVibe · 22/12/2023 08:48

Dairy free products have come a long way in recent years. Dairy free trifles and cheeseboards would be easy enough to do. I wouldn't make everyone's dairy free, but I would make/buy the dairy free version of the same products so the family member isn't missing out.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 22/12/2023 08:48

YANBU. I have relatives who are dairy free and we just provide dairy free options like you say but everyone else eats the dairy stuff. I’m a vegetarian and I wouldn’t dream of asking someone to only serve vegetarian food just because I don’t eat meat. As long as there’s something for me to eat I’m happy. It sounds as though she doesn’t want to watch others enjoying something she can’t have so would prefer it if everyone misses out, which is quite selfish. Just ignore her and serve what you were planning to.

Calamitousness · 22/12/2023 08:48

Even if it’s for medical reasons not choice, it doesn’t matter as long as she is catered for. She should also be bringing her own food if she’s worried she’s going to miss out etc. That way she can be reassured she’ll have her treats etc. no matter what you have catered for her. I certainly would never make the whole family dairy free just because she is. Dairy tastes great.

Original poster
kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:49

Malarandras · 22/12/2023 08:47

I’m guessing this person is not lactose intolerant? In which case I’d tell her to bring her own dairy free alternatives and you crack on with what you planned to have and darn well enjoy it!!!

Yeah she is she gets tummy pains and the shits

OP posts:
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