Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you don't eat dairy you can't expect everyone to make everything dairy free just for you?

362 replies

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:40

I have a relative. She's gone dairy free. Fine. We'll get some stuff she can eat in for Christmas. But she's been asking what we're having and every time I say something like coronation turkey on boxing day or trifle but don't worry I'll make you something dairy free She's being really annoying and insisting I make it all dairy free so she doesn't miss out. I think she just has to accept a dairy free trifle would be shit and she can't eat the cheese but we're all going to eat it anyway.
As long as there's enough food she can eat I think it's fine.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:56

DontKaleMyVibe · 22/12/2023 08:54

It's not pointless - the point is being able to enjoy the same food without the symptoms of intolerance/allergies. I suffer with a dairy allergy and intolerance, so I serve both dairy and dairy free everything over the holidays and the people without allergies often eat a bit of both and enjoy it.
One year they ate all my dairy free desserts because they preferred them to the dairy ones and hadn't realised they were dairy free 😂

Show quote history

Vegan cheese is not the same food as cow cheese.

OP posts:
Rockfordpeach · 22/12/2023 08:56

I've recently gone dairy free because it gives me a dodgy tummy. I'm not expecting anybody to forgo the foods they like just because I can't eat them. I'm taking my own teabags to my mum's house because it's the only tea I enjoy drinking without milk and I don't like tea with any milk alternatives. That doesn't mean I expect everyone else to drink milk less tea. I'm going to miss cheese and trifle this year but I've sourced my own 'treat' alternatives

Torganer · 22/12/2023 08:56

I can’t find a recipe for coronation chicken that has dairy in it?!

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/easy-coronation-chicken

waitrose have an excellent selection of vegan cheese, it’s really come a long way.

Oatly double cream is brilliant and I made a vegan pavlova with it and people didn’t realise it had no dairy.

Easy coronation chicken recipe | BBC Good Food

Make a classic coronation chicken filling to serve with jacket potatoes or in sandwiches and salads. It's an excellent way to use up leftover chicken after a roast

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/easy-coronation-chicken

kikisparks · 22/12/2023 08:56

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:55

I don't want a coconut trifle

Show quote history

Did you read my post?

AnneValentine · 22/12/2023 08:56

NigelHarmansNewWife · 22/12/2023 08:54

Dairy free cheese sounds pointless to you. Imagine if you've previously enjoyed something like cheese then you find it makes you ill and you can't have it. Yes the vegan stuff isn't the same, but some of them are fine. Tesco has a vegan cheeseboard in its dairy free fridge section.

I wouldn’t expect everyone to eat the version for me. I don’t expect it. I have stuff I can eat and leave the rest to enjoy their own food.

Lurkinglaughinglearning · 22/12/2023 08:56

Has she tried the pills that deal with this? Maybe not all the time but on special occasions it is almost certainly the best solution.

ClottedCreamScone · 22/12/2023 08:57

YANBU, as long as there is a dairy free option she’s being unreasonable to say it should all be dairy free. How is she missing out anyway? If she’s not going to eat the dairy options she’s missing out regardless of whether they’re on the table for others to enjoy too.

Some people really have amazing self confidence. I would be so anxious if I felt everyone was having a worse meal because they were all having to accommodate my dietary preferences. She has some brass neck!

Crikeyalmighty · 22/12/2023 08:57

I've got a teen coming who is lactose intolerant and has to eat gluten free too. I've bought her 2 of the small pot plant based GU chocolate zillionaires- (which have neither) and even I fancy them!!

00100001 · 22/12/2023 08:57

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:51

Where can I find enough vegan cheese to make a cheese board? I struggled with the dairy cheese board! What is vegan cheese even made out of.

Show quote history

Don't even bother it's from and made of coconut oils and crap like that.

Expensive and tastes awful.

WingsofRain · 22/12/2023 08:57

ChateauDuMont · 22/12/2023 08:52

She's a minority and has no right to pandered to die her lifestyle choice.

I'm a vegetarian but I wouldn't dream of demanding that everyone else is too.

If she carries on I would snap at her that either she doesn't come or brings her own food.

An intolerance isn’t a lifestyle choice. Severe food intolerances are deeply unpleasant and can often progress to full blown allergies with the passage of time.

ColleenDonaghy · 22/12/2023 08:57

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:53

Thank you all! OK I shall look for a different coronation turkey recipie that doesn't use cream. And perhaps find a slab of this vegan cheese. Then that's it I'm done with this pandering.

Edit - wtf is Coronavirus turkey!!

Edited

It's not pandering - the food would make her ill. I agree you don't need to make everything dairy free but you can make sure she's fully catered for.

Original poster
kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:58

kikisparks · 22/12/2023 08:56

Did you read my post?

Show quote history

Yes you said she can make her own coconut trifle but I don't want her bringing a coconut trifle she'll make a massive one and expect us all to eat it

OP posts:
kikisparks · 22/12/2023 08:58

Rockfordpeach · 22/12/2023 08:56

I've recently gone dairy free because it gives me a dodgy tummy. I'm not expecting anybody to forgo the foods they like just because I can't eat them. I'm taking my own teabags to my mum's house because it's the only tea I enjoy drinking without milk and I don't like tea with any milk alternatives. That doesn't mean I expect everyone else to drink milk less tea. I'm going to miss cheese and trifle this year but I've sourced my own 'treat' alternatives

You can buy vegan trifle in Asda and Morrisons, it’s not amazing though, but home made vegan trifle can be delicious.

PossumintheHouse · 22/12/2023 08:59

Awww diddums. Look at all of the mean people eating cheese without her. At that point I’d be popping the Babybels in front of her at any given opportunity. CF.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 22/12/2023 08:59

Considering you know dairy makes her ill OP your attitude towards her stinks. You've said some horrible things on this thread. Her illness is way more inconvenient to her than a bit of thoughtfulness is to you.

Original poster
kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:59

Crikeyalmighty · 22/12/2023 08:57

I've got a teen coming who is lactose intolerant and has to eat gluten free too. I've bought her 2 of the small pot plant based GU chocolate zillionaires- (which have neither) and even I fancy them!!

Ooh OK I didn't know these existed. I could perhaps stretch to one of these for her. But then she'll probably moan about being singled out.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 22/12/2023 08:59

kikisparks · 22/12/2023 08:54

Dairy free trifle is lovely- use coconut cream and alpro custard- but if she wants some she can make her own! Or buy one from Asda or Morrisons they both sell vegan trifle. Similarly she can bring her own dairy free cheese. (I’m vegan and in this situation would offer to bring my own with enough to share).

Dairy alternatives are, on the whole, pretty grim in my opinion. As are meat alternatives. They both can be really ultra processed too.
If I were catering for a vegan, I’d ask them to send me a recipe and do my best to make something edible.

Tarmacadamia · 22/12/2023 09:00

kikisparks · 22/12/2023 08:56

What did you make the trifle with? All the non vegans request my vegan trifle at Christmas (and no they are not just being nice).

Show quote history

We used alpro custard which was fine, I'd use that anyway, but the issue was the cream. We've tried pretty much every sort of vegan "cream" and they're just no good for trifle, they don't whip properly and leave a nasty taste in your mouth. Oatly cream is acceptable for pouring on things but it doesn't work for trifle.
Honestly, I've been cooking for vegans for over 20 years and nothing is going to sway me on this. Great if other people like it, but I love real cream and am not eating trifle without it.

TheChristmasElfCanGoNow · 22/12/2023 09:00

She's not lactose intolerant so much as other people intolerant.

Maybe tell her you're dairy-substitute intolerant and that's why you cook with real cream, cheese etc. None of this synthetic ultra processed stuff.

Or, I'm with the PP who suggested being dairy-free-guest intolerant!!

kikisparks · 22/12/2023 09:00

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:58

Yes you said she can make her own coconut trifle but I don't want her bringing a coconut trifle she'll make a massive one and expect us all to eat it

Show quote history

Well that’s a bit unfair if she’s not allowed to bring her own food it’s you who is being unreasonable! She can’t force you to eat it.

AintTooGoodAtPraying · 22/12/2023 09:00

Yes you said she can make her own coconut trifle but I don't want her bringing a coconut trifle she'll make a massive one and expect us all to eat it

You can’t really stop her from bringing her own. Just eat your own and politely decline the offer of hers.

Original poster
kimchio · 22/12/2023 09:00

ColleenDonaghy · 22/12/2023 08:57

It's not pandering - the food would make her ill. I agree you don't need to make everything dairy free but you can make sure she's fully catered for.

Show quote history

It is pandering if I make EVERYTHING dairy free. I fully agree it is not pandering to make sure she has decent food she can eat without feeling ill. I will make sure this is done.

OP posts:
shams05 · 22/12/2023 09:01

I think elmlea do a vegan cream now, whips up like normal cream. No idea about taste though

DontKaleMyVibe · 22/12/2023 09:02

NigelHarmansNewWife · 22/12/2023 08:59

Considering you know dairy makes her ill OP your attitude towards her stinks. You've said some horrible things on this thread. Her illness is way more inconvenient to her than a bit of thoughtfulness is to you.

Exactly this. I can't believe anyone would treat a relative with a food intolerance this way. OP you're being a shit host tbh

CremeBrunette · 22/12/2023 09:02

On a cheese board, you have a selection of cheeses and you don’t always like all of them. We have Stilton on our cheese board this year which I don’t like, so I just won’t eat it but the others can. I think, if she’s a cheese lover, it would be nice to get some dairy free cheese for the cheese board. However, it is expensive buying for everyone and so it’s not unreasonable to ask her to bring her own dairy free cheese.

You can get some good vegan cream now and so I don’t think it’s just a case of the trifle will be shit because it’s dairy free.

No, everything doesn’t have to be dairy free but you can actually try dairy free versions before declaring they’re all shit and make some easy swaps.