To think if you don't eat dairy you can't expect everyone to make everything dairy free just for you?

[kimchio]

I have a relative. She's gone dairy free. Fine. We'll get some stuff she can eat in for Christmas. But she's been asking what we're having and every time I say something like coronation turkey on boxing day or trifle but don't worry I'll make you something dairy free She's being really annoying and insisting I make it all dairy free so she doesn't miss out. I think she just has to accept a dairy free trifle would be shit and she can't eat the cheese but we're all going to eat it anyway.
As long as there's enough food she can eat I think it's fine.

AIBU?

I'm a vegetarian and I wouldn't dream of demanding anyone changes their diet/meals to suit me.

Provided I have an option to eat-and/or can bring my own-I'm quite happy. It's ridiculous to expect people to change their diets to suit yours, even if it is a medical condition.

A compromise could be providing some vegan cheeses (which are actually quite good) and dairy-free trifles for her, but absolutely keep all your usual options available for the rest of you.

To be honest, I was initially on your side and my previous post suggests that-however, the more you post, the more unreasonable you seem.

I absolutely think it's fine for you and your guests to enjoy your cheeseboard and dairy trifle. However, it's a sign of a good host to provide alternatives for those who can't have them. Vegan cheese isn't the same as "cow" cheese-that's the damn point-isn't it?

Why are you against providing some vegan cheese and dairy free trifle (that you can pick up pre-made from the store) for your guest so she doesn't feel left out?

It just seems a bit churlish to act as if you couldn't possibly lower yourself to provide your guest with options whilst you all enjoy your feast as normal. Then again, you could easily suggest she brings her own alternatives that she likes as well.

So, in this, you're both unreasonable. She's unreasonable to demand everyone goes dairy-free to suit her and you're unreasonable for not wanting to provide alternatives for your guest to enjoy without getting the shits.

Where on earth have you found "quite good" vegan cheese @CleverLilViper ?
I've been looking for 20 years and the best I have come across might be described as barely edible. Spill the beans!

I love it when meat-eaters say meat-free alternatives are ultra-processed.

Yes, because pigs meat naturally comes out looking like sausages and cow's meat comes out looking like burgers and steaks 😂

A lot of them can be poor-but I quite like Violife. It's not the same as regular cheese-hence the reason I can never go vegan-I love cheese too much 😆

I'm lactose intolerant, don't expect this and actively try to stop people putting themselves out for me

I'm also intolerant of people who think the world evolves around them so...

I eat very little meat but saying steak is as processed as Quorn for example is crazy.

You have a really low bar. I'd be wondering wtf I was being asked to dinner if they couldn't be bothered to do more than stick a ready meal in the oven.

My Christmas guests are a mixed lot including veggies, vegans, coeliacs, 2 haters of mushrooms and 1 person who's allergic to any form of capsicum. Not everyone can eat everything but I don't have an A menu and a B menu.

Dd is coeliac an quite happy to see us eat cake and gluten things. They make her feel.dreadfull so it's not an issue. Just have to watch Cross contamination so the sausage meat is wheat free. She is being completely un reasonable if you are ensuring she has an option. I've found a gf chocolate log so I'm super mum this year!

Cathedral city plant based is nice.

That being said the best vegan cheese is still the cashew based ones; e.g Tyne Chease. You can’t get those in supermarkets however and they are expensive.

Also not sure if it’s being mentioned yet but Birds custard powder is vegan. You just need to make it using a dairy alternative.

Relative, you honestly expect me to restrict everyone else and make them all dairy free food, despite the fact this may cut out many of their favourite dishes, to accommodate one person? I think you are being quite unfair and a little selfish. I'm more than happy to cater for you but won't restrict anyone else because of your own personal food aversions.

This turned out to be an emotive topic! I'm (medically) dairy intolerant and would categorically not inflict vegan cheese or cream on guests. I eat them because it's better than nothing, but they belong in a different food group. In wartime, they called this "ersatz": they're fakes, and they taste like fakes.

I've made gluten-free, dairy-free Christmas cakes this year. They're okay, probably because they're about 90% alcohol 😉 but the texture isn't right and is somehow less satisfying.

The only good dairy fakes, in my extensive experience, are Alpro yoghurts and their custard.

SIL is coeliac, DSis is a dairy free, DB is vegetarian. I make Xmas dinner gluten and dairy free (turkey and special nut roast for DB, with veggie and normal pigs in blankets), and the only thing DSis can't eat is the cheeseboard afterwards (but she doesn't like cheese anyway). Been doing it for years and tbh the shop bought options are much better than they used to be. I've never told the other guests and they don't comment (but usually want some of the veggie option with their turkey! 😉 )

I've even made a lush gluten free and dairy free vegetarian trifle (raspberries and blueberry in veg raspberry jelly - or an orange one with mandarin, cape goosberries and mango - and home made custard made with oat or soya milk that gets demolished within 10mins (Dsis has soya cream on hers). We're not really into Xmas pud so I don't bother with that.

Ah right I was just talking specifically about the lactose intolerance, not protein

im am forever on the hunt for good vegan cheese- Waitrose Brie is the closest so far!

I know a lot of people who have returned back to cheese and meat after being vegan.

Only maybe 2 or 3 have remained vegan.
Everyone else said they either missed things like cheese or, more worryingly, said they lost so much weight and became quite unwell due to lack of certain things in diet, like protein etc. Some people simply respond better to certain food groups I guess.
Cheese seems to be a big one for people!

Im lactose intolerant and wouldnt expect a host to put themselves out but would expect them to be tolerant of me bringing my own food. Pissed off at "its only a tummy ache and the shits" though I doubt those posters would be humming the same tune if they ended up with shit all over their pedestal mat if one of us "awkward sods" didnt make it in time

She’d be uninvited.

I eat cheese all day long at Xmas, anyone that tries to interfere with that can feck right off.

I'm lactose intolerant, too. It's better now, but was beyond awful for over 10 years.
There is now lactose-free milk, cheese and cream and that can help you for your meal prep. Your relative can also take lactase enzyme as a "just in case" measure. If she is severely lactose intolerant she's best to avoid even lactose-free as there always seems to be some lactose remaining.

For those thinking it's just an annoyance... I wish. Bloating, gas, diarrhoea, constipation and vomiting that can last for days is f-ing horrid.

Im another one who was fine till last year at the age of 49

@MrsAvocet

I've been vegan over 30 years and as such 'cheese' hasn't been a part of my diet because there wasn't much vegan cheese around in the past.

My faves are - the new 'Cathedral City' extra mature plant based cheese (altho this is not OK for some vegans as the company is obv primarily dairy cheese makers)

Sainsbury's own brand extra mature cheddar & onion

Waitrose stocking 'Fauxmagerie' range of blue cheeses / smoked cheeses etc

The pretend Feta some supermarkets stock is also pretty good IMO.

Pure martyrdom