To think if you don't eat dairy you can't expect everyone to make everything dairy free just for you?

[kimchio]

I have a relative. She's gone dairy free. Fine. We'll get some stuff she can eat in for Christmas. But she's been asking what we're having and every time I say something like coronation turkey on boxing day or trifle but don't worry I'll make you something dairy free She's being really annoying and insisting I make it all dairy free so she doesn't miss out. I think she just has to accept a dairy free trifle would be shit and she can't eat the cheese but we're all going to eat it anyway.
As long as there's enough food she can eat I think it's fine.

AIBU?

Make is easy on yourself and offend them in the hope they keep away - "oh sorry self-centred relative, i would love to cater for you and you alone, you are ever so special. But sadly Aunt Mable is allergic to dairy free, Uncle Bob is vegan, Pat next door is carnivorous with a nasty nip about her....."

YANBU - dairy free alternatives to things like cream don’t work anywhere near the same as cream. They are fine for pouring etc but they don’t hold on something like a trifle. Your relative is being ridiculous

Well said. Hope you have a lovely Christmas @DilemmaDelilah with lots of suitable tasty things.

When it’s a child, I like to have it all available, so they don’t feel they’re missing out (my son misses out a lot with a different dietary need and he does it well, but it’s not fun).

BUT when it’s an adult you are definitely not unreasonable. You’re making the effort to provide lovely food for her, that’s enough.

But she can. Vegan cheese, there’s also this thing called dairy free milk.

“Yeah she is she gets tummy pains and the shits” nice.

I didn't imply it. Everyone just assumed it.

@LuvMyBoyz you can change your vote by just clicking the preferred option and it switches! Anoter poster told me in the same way so I'm returning the favour.

I was explaining why she couldn't eat it so people knew It wasn't just a faddy choice!

I agree that you should have something she can have, but not that your entire meal should be dairy free. And I say that as a vegetarian. You get used to having a smaller selection to choose from, that’s just the deal.

I don’t know if they did it this year, but last year Aldi did a good vegan cheese selection.

I don't think you're unreasonable to not be guilted into changing every single thing to suit her. It's a massively unfair pressure to add to your hosting duties.

As long as you make sure she's provided for, that's as far as I'd go. I would buy treats and options for her. End of. I would certainly not entertain an expectation that my entire menu would revolve around her and only her.

That's a firm "no, that's unreasonable".

No, everybody saw that you didn't mention lactose intolerance, and said "gone dairy free." Your words made them think that she had made a choice. They assumed it because of your words. That's how communication works.

Right ok ill try and find this vegan cream and whack it on top of a portion of trifle. Can you get vegan custard? Other wise she'll just have to have the jelly.

When I've been ommiting allergens and having managed my children's allergies, never have we expected the whole spread to be allergen free - heck, I would even offer to bring our own supplies (with one child I had to as risk was too great). To have the host put options out was well received and appreciated. She's pushing it!

If she’s not allergic and won’t be affected by a small amount of cross contamination, then she’s being unreasonable. I could understand if a tiny crumb was enough to make her ill, as with coeliac disease etc. But it sounds like that’s not the case? Obviously you need to cater for her but I don’t think absolutely everything needs to be dairy free.

I’d have zero issues with giving her dairy free alternatives with what we’re having. Trifle is so easy to make and you can obtain dc ingredients. There are some nice df cheeses these days.

Shes gone dairy free as she is intolerant. I won't edit it as I hate when people edit the OP

I hope you say, out loud, "Ahhhhh, look at the little baby cheeses" in celebration of our Lord who was born in a barn amongst the cows etc

I was forced to go dairy free after I developed a dairy intolerance almost 2 years ago. It’s rubbish, I hate it, the alternatives are not as tasty, and I miss dairy a lot.
But just because I have to miss out on delicious Christmas cheeseboards, Baileys, trifles, etc why should that mean my relatives also have to miss out as well? I don’t resent them for being able to process dairy! Your relative is being very unreasonable.

I’m still not over my sister ruining my Xmas day sprouts with bacon & chestnuts 3 years ago 😞
she said - use this dairy free spread instead of butter, you won’t notice the difference, she said. 🤢 had such a horrible aftertaste ruined the whole dish!

Vegan cheese is a lot better than it used to be (pre Covid I went to a vegan fair which showcased all the vegan food and new varieties and even they said cheese was one of the hardest things to get right. And then there’s sourcing it, not
that easy still.

As long as there’s options for her for the main bits of the meal then I think that’s fine.
im gluten free and I would only hope for the main things eg the the roast to be edible for me. I wouldn’t expect absolutely everything every detail to be available to me!! Like 100% of food on offer.

Get her to bring dairy free cheese, if you don't eat it regularly it's really hard to know what's good. And you won't know what she likes.

It would be nice to do a portion of coronation turkey with mayo and dairy free yoghurt so she can eat that. You don't have to do the whole thing DF if it offends you.

I’d send her the proposed menu in advance and ask her what she thinks she’ll fancy and get the dairy free options. Dairy free late to everything will become really expensive- buying cream and custard because you don’t know what she’ll pick- cheese in case she fancies it, milk for tea when actually she’ll like coffee. For example. Just check in with her.

These are dairy free.

Thanks. I don't think we've had the elmlea one to be fair, I haven't seen them in shops round us. The vegans are happy eating other stuff that's nice in its own right, rather than trying to recreate something that really should have dairy in it - their opinion, not mine.

I think my point though, was that some people just love dairy and don't want to eat a vegan alternative. It's quite wearing when vegans are constantly trying to persuade non-vegans that the alternatives are just as good, and not respecting that eating meat/dairy is a choice and a preference for other people. I happily eat a lot of vegan food, but am not prepared to give up things I love because of other people's diets.