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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s going to look like I’m copying my SiL

235 replies

Purplegirly01 · 21/12/2023 12:13

I need some honest advice.

My brother & SIL got engaged a couple of years ago and married this year. I got engaged this year and my wedding is all booked and arranged for next year.

I’d jokingly said to my now fiancé that I expected a bigger engagement ring than my SIL’s - unfortunately he took it literally and got
exactly the same ring, but my centre diamond is quite visibly bigger. My DB and SIL never commented on my ring at all, however I’ve heard through mutual friends that they were both really upset by it. It was embarrassing for me having people comment on how similar they are but I didn’t want to make my fiancé feel awkward about it.

Fast forward to their wedding, and my SIL’s wedding dress is really similar to the one I had already ordered & paid for. I was honestly devastated and could barely hold it together on the day. Everyone kept asking me if I was ok but I obviously couldn’t say what the issue was.

My mum is the only person who has seen my dress and she said it’s fine, no one will remember her dress & compare but I can’t help feeling that I look like a massive copy cat especially with the rings too! I really don’t know what to do - it’s my dream dress but I’m worried I look silly with all the similarities. My SIL and I are not close at all, we are very different people and she’s not really my sort of person and I find her quite formal and uptight which is another reason why I feel so awkward about the dress being so similar.

YABU - you look like you’re copying
YANBU - no one will notice

OP posts:
queenofallqueens · 21/12/2023 12:23

I think you're worrying about nothing unless you are actually copying her?

SuzieBishop · 21/12/2023 12:26

If i was in your situation I would have a conversation with SIL and just say hey, I've chosen my dress and it's maybe a bit similar to yours. I don't want you to think I'm copying you at all - I thought I'd just say.

hopeishere · 21/12/2023 12:28

How similar is it? Is there much overlap of the guests?

Almost not being able to hold it together at her wedding seems a bit OTT.

Thementalloadisreal · 21/12/2023 12:29

Honestly, just find a different dress. The dress is for one day, she’ll be your sister in law forever.

Pinkdelight3 · 21/12/2023 12:31

Will sound a bit unlikely that you ordered your wedding dress for next year before she had her wedding this year. Not saying it's not true, but it would whiff of BS if she already has it in her head that you're copying her, which she could well have after the ring and then the dress.

SecondUsername4me · 21/12/2023 12:32

I was honestly devastated and could barely hold it together on the day

This is such an ott response.

lavagal · 21/12/2023 12:32

It's not difficult for wedding dresses to look similar - a lot of them do

It's fine don't worry but perhaps make sure bridesmaid and other colours are not the same!!

Seaweed42 · 21/12/2023 12:33

You both bought dresses but neither of you had seen the other person's dress.
So there shouldn't be a problem.

Are you afraid SIL will think that you copied her dress, even though you bought it BEFORE you saw her dress?

Or did you select your dress AFTER you saw her dress?

Did she accidentally pick a dress like yours?

There is a trend thing that goes with wedding dresses, similar trends are always going to be there - strapless, sheer, lace over it, lace sleeves etc.
How similar are the dresses?

Original poster
Purplegirly01 · 21/12/2023 12:34

Not really - the lead time on my dress is 10 months . I got my dress in August, their wedding was September

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 21/12/2023 12:34

You could barely hold it together on the day and people were asking you if you were ok????

Now that was a big mistake and rather a selfish way to behave at someone’s wedding.

Maybe now you know why she doesn’t like you?! Can you grasp how pathetic your behaviour is?

And you should have changed the ring too!

Sounds like you are the golden child!

Original poster
Purplegirly01 · 21/12/2023 12:35

Unfortunately the colour schemes are similar too - same colour but different shades

OP posts:
Janieforever · 21/12/2023 12:35

Yeah it looks like you’re copying and honestly I find it very strange you’d say you want a bigger diamond than your sil. Why would that even occur to you.

DemBonesDemBones · 21/12/2023 12:36

You're making yourself look very strange. Are you jealous of your SIL?

TeaKitten · 21/12/2023 12:36

Just tell her truth about the dress and she will no it’s a coincidence, what’s the issue?

Original poster
Purplegirly01 · 21/12/2023 12:36

Without being too outing, the dresses are both long sleeve lace, very similar neckline but the skirt of the dress is different

OP posts:
blackbeardsballsack · 21/12/2023 12:37

Janieforever · 21/12/2023 12:35

Yeah it looks like you’re copying and honestly I find it very strange you’d say you want a bigger diamond than your sil. Why would that even occur to you.

That comment, along with looking miserable on her wedding day, is not going to help your case.

CrystalTitsBoss · 21/12/2023 12:38

You joking about wanting a bigger ring is a joke in itself. You sound hard work.

SummaLuvin · 21/12/2023 12:39

Thing is, while people like to view their weddings as unique and special, there are many things which are pervasive trends. Blush and pink tones for bridesmaids, groom in navy or checked suit, lace for the bride..... Unless you are choosing things that are very left field then I wouldn't stress too much.

Goldcrestonabranch · 21/12/2023 12:39

Fast forward to their wedding, and my SIL’s wedding dress is really similar to the one I had already ordered & paid for. I was honestly devastated and could barely hold it together on the day.

I think you need to get your head examined!

Hiphopopotamonster · 21/12/2023 12:39

She’ll probably remember more about the fact that you sulked so much on her wedding day that people were having to ask if you were ok! What a bizarre way to behave.

Original poster
Purplegirly01 · 21/12/2023 12:39

I didn’t think he was actually going to get the same ! It was just in the context of they got engaged first so as I’ve waited longer, you need to make up for it. It was a joke

OP posts:
SecondUsername4me · 21/12/2023 12:41

So when he gave it to you and it was the same, why not arrange to return it and swap it for something else?

Aquamarine1029 · 21/12/2023 12:41

When you get to be my age, you will look back and realise how ridiculous this all is. No one will care, and if they do, it's not your problem.

Original poster
Purplegirly01 · 21/12/2023 12:41

If I could take back the joke I obviously would - I’m not delighted about having the same ring either

OP posts:
Homesweethome23 · 21/12/2023 12:42

Sorry to say but I think you are being unreasonable and acting very spoilt.

It was her wedding day and you sound like you made it all about you.

You could have waited a month until after her wedding to choose your dress. Also why choose a similar colour scheme?

Actually feel really sorry the sil.

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