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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

600 replies

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 03:25

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

OP posts:
Mollymalone123 · 21/12/2023 03:31

To my mind you’ve done nothing wrong here. You did ask and she said no.Her reaction is way over the top too! I’m sure other mums would have done the same as you, honestly don’t give it another thought.By all means text her to clear the air but don’t feel guilty at all

PurpleFlower1983 · 21/12/2023 03:39

I don’t think you should have collected the points but this is a big no, no where I work and is considered theft (things are often bought collectively then claimed back) however I do understand why you didn’t see it as an issue I suppose if it’s not something you’ve come across. I would apologise I think. I don’t think the owner acted appropriately shaming you in front of others though. I don’t think I would go back.

WandaWonder · 21/12/2023 03:40

I would not have collected the points they were not yours but I don't see why it had to be a big thing either

Icouldbehappy · 21/12/2023 03:43

I’d have collected the points. You used your car and time to go and collect the food.
Tell her to fuck off.
She had her chance.

captaincalamari12 · 21/12/2023 03:44

I think her making a fuss in front of everyone was out of order but I also don't think you should have collected the points.

LaurieStrode · 21/12/2023 03:47

Icouldbehappy · 21/12/2023 03:43

I’d have collected the points. You used your car and time to go and collect the food.
Tell her to fuck off.
She had her chance.

This. She's batshit.

WavingCatsandDogs · 21/12/2023 03:49

You asked her about collecting points, she DECLINED, you were volunteering and she kicked off. Totally unprofessional on her part and in public? What, the points were worth more than your custom and her reputation? Very shortsighted.

DO NOT feel bad.

AliceOlive · 21/12/2023 03:51

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong at all. It would be difficult for me to return after that.

Player001 · 21/12/2023 03:51

You've done nothing wrong. In fact you deserved those points because you helped her out by collecting the food in the first place. I would have collected them too.

Don't apologise and don't take your daughter back there. She doesn't deserve to have you around.

WavingCatsandDogs · 21/12/2023 03:51

In this insatnce, how much were the points worth, REALLY? nobody was diddled AND SHE VOLUNTEERED!

PieAndLattes · 21/12/2023 03:54

If she didn’t collect the points they’d just have gone to waste, surely? They’re worth what - a pound or two at most? The OP went to collect the food using her time and petrol. The other woman doesn’t even have an account and has no more right to the points than the OP but was specifically asking for them for herself. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, OP.

If it goes any further just say what you’ve said here - the owner didn’t want them and they’d have gone to waste otherwise. You might want to say, ‘You should go and get the food next time and then you can collect the points’.

Icouldbehappy · 21/12/2023 03:55

captaincalamari12 · 21/12/2023 03:44

I think her making a fuss in front of everyone was out of order but I also don't think you should have collected the points.

Why shouldn’t she have collected the points?
The OP used her car and effort to go and get the food. Why shouldn’t she benefit if the possibility arises?
Why should the fast food chain get to “hold onto” the points because other people think it’s not right?
Why wasn’t the owner going to get the food? It’s HER party therefore HER job to ensure that the food arrives. If people want to be morally upright about it, that is.
FS

WandaWonder · 21/12/2023 03:59

the points thing to me is not related to the party - if the OP did not wanted money to pay for petrol etc. then say ask or dn't do what was done

The points to me has nothing to do with it, I would not have taken the points and people can justify it to themselves all they want

Icouldbehappy · 21/12/2023 04:00

captaincalamari12 · 21/12/2023 03:44

I think her making a fuss in front of everyone was out of order but I also don't think you should have collected the points.

The FS wasn’t aimed at you, btw! Apologies.
It was just a general FS.

Mariposistaa · 21/12/2023 04:01

Her behavior and reaction is disgusting and unprofessional
you did fine

Icouldbehappy · 21/12/2023 04:02

WandaWonder · 21/12/2023 03:59

the points thing to me is not related to the party - if the OP did not wanted money to pay for petrol etc. then say ask or dn't do what was done

The points to me has nothing to do with it, I would not have taken the points and people can justify it to themselves all they want

Do you think the OP collecting the points is stealing in some way??

Original poster
Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 04:04

Ok thanks everyone. At the time when k was collecting the points I really didn’t give it too much thought - I’d asked her, she didn’t want them, so I collected them myself as otherwise they’d have gone to waste. But trying to look at it from a bigger perspective I can see perhaps it was a bit cheeky though I’m not sure it warranted being called greedy and a thief.

@PieAndLattes i hadn’t thought about it like that, technically the owner had no more right to them than me as the parents had all paid for the meals, not her. That does make me feel better!

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 21/12/2023 04:06

Gosh no. It is not cheeky at all. The points would have gone to waste.

Do you know any of the other parents? Time to find another dance class I think.

Pottyberry · 21/12/2023 04:09

If the points go uncollected then they are wasted. I suppose she MAY have been able to make an account and claim them later. But you asked, you helped her out and she's made a huge fuss over nothing and been nasty in front of others. I'd be worried she gets this angry/overreacts with the dance pupils.

TheSandgroper · 21/12/2023 04:10

Well, if she was entitled to those points, then so are Rio, BHP, Chevron and all those who employ staff who fly regularly. (I’m assuming you are in Au).

How many people all around the world take their families in holiday using points accrued through work?

You did the right thing. She’s an idiot. If I was really petty, I would check to see if she paid for her own meal or whether she freeloaded off everyone else, then I would buy that single meal, give her the receipt and eat my freshly bought lunch.

Selenitetower · 21/12/2023 04:15

Yeah I agree that you used your car and time to collect the food so you deserve the points. She’s being ridiculous, they don’t really ‘belong’ to either of you but her sense of entitlement is crazy. Also can you change dance schools at all? I wouldn’t want to send my child there if the owner can blow up and yell at parents in front of everyone over something so small.

Bunda · 21/12/2023 04:15

You did nothing wrong! She's very rude and I can't imagine treating a client like that

AGoingConcern · 21/12/2023 04:15

What ridiculous behavior from her. You specifically asked in advance and she declined.

If we're eating dinner and DC1 takes the last roll without asking if DC2 wants to split it, I'd be unimpressed with DC1's manners. But if DC1 offers it to DC2 and DC2 says "no, I don't like those rolls" then 5 minutes later starts shrieking that DC1 ate the roll when DC2 wants it after all, it's DC2 who will be having a conversation with me and apologizing for their outburst.

Spencer0220 · 21/12/2023 04:18

I have been in this situation and I took the points.

It's worth remembering that often points CAN'T be redeemed retrospectively.

She declined the points. Someone else benefited.

What's the issue?

It wasn't your responsibility to inform her how rewards systems work. The way she responded to you, she clearly wasn't interested. It's possible she'd looked into it and decided against the hassle. How were you to know???

Spencer0220 · 21/12/2023 04:21

AGoingConcern · 21/12/2023 04:15

What ridiculous behavior from her. You specifically asked in advance and she declined.

If we're eating dinner and DC1 takes the last roll without asking if DC2 wants to split it, I'd be unimpressed with DC1's manners. But if DC1 offers it to DC2 and DC2 says "no, I don't like those rolls" then 5 minutes later starts shrieking that DC1 ate the roll when DC2 wants it after all, it's DC2 who will be having a conversation with me and apologizing for their outburst.

Precisely!!!

I forgot to address her behaviour after. It was bang out of line and my guess is she felt entitled and didn't know how to appropriately respond to the fact she didn't understand something as commonplace as a food loyalty scheme