Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

600 replies

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 03:25

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

OP posts:
Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 21/12/2023 05:21

When she said she didn't do the rewards scheme then you should have said 'do you mind if I collect the points then?" Don't just assume.

DriftingDrifter · 21/12/2023 05:27

You did absolutely nothing wrong. You asked her if she wanted them and she said no.

How much are the points worth? Is it an amount worth fighting over?

Why should she get the points rather than you (the person that drove there to collect the food)?

She is being ridiculous and unprofessional to have been so rude in front of the other parents.

MargotBamborough · 21/12/2023 05:31

You haven't done anything wrong.

Is there another dance class your daughter could join?

NigelHarmansNewWife · 21/12/2023 05:43

What is this fast food place where the loyalty points are so valuable? Calling you a thief is bang out of order. I'd be voting with my feet and finding somewhere else for my daughter to go.

LincolnshireYellowBelly · 21/12/2023 05:47

I don’t blame you for collecting the points. You gave your time and your fuel to collect the food.
Also, the dance teacher didn’t pay for the food…you did…or at least £15 of it. She had no right to be cross over it.

AnImaginaryCat · 21/12/2023 05:50

No you can collect points from a receipt (unless arranged at time of purchase), otherwise people who collect receipts that weren't theirs and go back to the shop to add on more points for themselves.

What a weird situation. Can't even claim the dance teacher made a mountain out of a mole hill as there wasn't even a mole hill to start with.

Unless the adults got food too she's even less entitled than the OP to points. She neither put money towards it nor collected the food.

OP I would serous reconsider your DD going back to her for dance lessons. If you do make an apologetic round (as performative as dance teachers rant I'd you like.) of all the parents and refund them each their 5p (or whatever the monetary value).

rosesinmygarden · 21/12/2023 05:50

You've done nothing wrong. Did this lady pay for any of the food herself? It sounds like all the parents paid, and you/she did a big order which you volunteered to collect.

I expect the other parents are thinking she's crazy too!

I'd be tempted to message her (and the other parents) saying that you’ve reflected on how upset she was about this and that you are "very happy to share the value of the points between everyone who paid towards the food that you volunteered to go and collect". Offer to split the monetary value of the points between everyone who actually paid for food.

Ask her to please confirm how many parents paid and how much they each paid (and what was her share of the bill, also) so you can bring along the cash to the next dance lesson.

I fully suspect that she didn't actually pay any money towards the food. So she's not entitled to the points. Or, if she is, it'll be a matter of pennies... I'd be insisting she took those pennies. Very publicly.

I would also never volunteer to help her ever again. In order to avoid any further 'misunderstandings'.

PaddingtonsHat · 21/12/2023 05:57

I’d bung her £2 and find a different dance class. Short sighted of her as she’s potentially lost a reliable income and a helpful parent for the sake of a few loyalty points.

ZebraD · 21/12/2023 06:01

Don’t message her and don’t take little one back there. Who needs to be around someone with a temper like that!
enjoy your points! Lols..

BCBird · 21/12/2023 06:06

I would have done the same re collecting points.

dimples76 · 21/12/2023 06:07

You did nothing wrong and the way she spoke to you was totally out of order. Do not apologise!

WaspRelatedEmergency · 21/12/2023 06:08

I wouldn't be able to take my child back to a class run by someone who'd spoken to me like that. Technically each parent who paid $15 would be owed their own points, but most normal people would say, 'thanks so much for collecting the kid's meals, you take the points'.

naughtynine · 21/12/2023 06:09

I think she completely overreacted but I would have been transparent that I was going to claim the points to avoid this kind of shitshow.

schmuzz · 21/12/2023 06:10

She's an absolute nut job. Do not apologise to her.

Whatineed · 21/12/2023 06:30

She didn't even know the points scheme existed before you mentioned it. She didn't contribute any money to the meal the parents covered it themselves.

But then she found out about it and wanted the points from the other parents meals, even though she had nothing to do with ordering and collecting them.

Tell me again who is the greedy thief? 😂😂😂

OP if I'd overheard her dressing you down for that, I'd be thinking she was completely batshit and unreasonable.

As a contribution parent if I had heard you'd collected the points from my Happy meal because you'd driven there and done the grunt work, I'd be absolutely fine with it. If I was that bothered about the points I'd accompany you myself and present my own barcode.

When I used to ask one of my assistants to grab me a meal deal because they were going out at lunchtime I fully expected them to claim the Boots points or Nectar points or whatever for themselves, for going to the effort for me.

I hope her future McDonald's points make up for the lack of fees from your daughters tuition.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 21/12/2023 06:32

So all the parents paid for the meal? I don't see how she thinks the points are hers tbh. If she'd collected it then fair enough to get the points, but I don't see how she thinks they are inherently her points.

XmasPartyhat · 21/12/2023 06:33

Icouldbehappy · 21/12/2023 03:43

I’d have collected the points. You used your car and time to go and collect the food.
Tell her to fuck off.
She had her chance.

This. I'm presuming you didn't get paid for being a delivery service? The points are your payment.

Soontobe60 · 21/12/2023 06:38

WandaWonder · 21/12/2023 04:23

Stealing like stealing a perfume no, would i take something I am not entilted too no

Show quote history

Why do you think she wasn’t entitled to them? She used her car / fuel to collect food for everyone including her own child. Should all the other parents get their cut of the points? How would that work then? Do you think the other parents should all have chipped in for petrol,money?

Unicorns41 · 21/12/2023 06:42

Of course you should have collected the points, they would have gone to waste. You checked if she had an account and she didnt. She in retrospect decided she wanted them after you checked if she had an account, that's just tough. You've done her a favour with your time and petrol, she should be grateful not having a public go at you. Incredibly unprofessional, she would deserve to loose your custom.

Val65 · 21/12/2023 06:44

Don't feel bad, As you say the parents paid for the food so technically there not her points, You volunteered to help at the party and went and collected the food, Tex her saying all this to her, I'd still take your daughter to dance class as she enjoys it so much
and it's not her fault the teacher is unprofessional for speaking to you in front of the other parents instead of privately.

JanglyBeads · 21/12/2023 06:46

YANBU

Goodlard · 21/12/2023 06:56

She's bat shit crazy!

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 21/12/2023 06:57

You've done nothing wrong, don't let it worry you OP. You asked her, she said she "didn't bother with those things", so her loss. Honestly, the things some people get angry over (her, not you).

WaltzingWaters · 21/12/2023 07:03

So she hadn’t actually paid for the food anyway? Didn’t go and collect the food using her time and petrol? She has no more/or even less right to those points than you do!
If your Dd isn’t too committed to that class I’d leave and find another after the teachers unprofessionalism and general rudeness here. If she loves the class then I guess a quick message not really apologising but saying she was offered the chance and you didn’t want them going to waste.

JustOneMoreBaileys · 21/12/2023 07:04

AGoingConcern · 21/12/2023 05:02

’you were clearly upset about the points. To be clear I only took them because you declined, however I now see that I should have asked if you minded. I have calculated the financial benefit to me as it’s $7. I will transferred this to you.

The dance teacher didn't pay for the meals to begin with. If OP is going to do this, she should calculate the value of the points and offer to split it among the people who actually paid for the meals. Everybody gets 0.25 quid 🙄

Honestly I think this is the way to go.

Take everyone's 25p and hand it back to them. Or place them all in named envelopes.

Give it back explaining you thought the points would go to waste but that you will not be called a thief.

Push this back at the dance teacher for acting like a nutter and thinking they they are entitled to the points, not the parents who paid for them.