To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

[Lolabear38]

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

My only thought is don’t burn your bridges until you know your daughter likes the new dance school. What would you want to do if your Dd dislikes the new place and say she wants to go back to her normal one? Refuse on principle or decide that it’s not worth upsetting your Dd for and let her go back? I’m not sure what I’d do but it’s something you need t9 think about.

Not even that, probably. I did a "quick calc" (above)

If it is a similar rate to Sainsbury's Nectar points, then each parent would be being "robbed" of about one-and-a-half pence.

We're not talking Brinks-Mat numbers here.

These non-apologies are nasty weasel words.

I received one recently and TBH I couldn't even be bothered to challenge the person on it*. I just thought "Fair enough. I know where I stand now. And we are no longer "friends"."

I can wait . . .

*For the record our priest publicly made a show of me in a way that she thinks is "fun" regarding my birthday - which I had seen her do to others (some don't mind it - others; like me, hate it, and have personal reasons for hating it) and had repeatedly told her I did NOT want doing to me. She "apologised" "for not realising I felt so deeply about it", the lying cow. But I'm not bitter . . . 😡

That's really sad.

My DD's ballet teacher was also hated by the kids - when I found out I took her out of the class and enrolled her in a ballroom class instead. The teacher there was lovely!*

I'm sorry your mam thought you were exaggerating. It must have been so upsetting for you both.

*A little girl was in the end-of-term pantomime, but was full of cold so her mam said that she needn't dance, but could sit on her knee and just watch the show instead. The teacher wouldn't let her - because she "hadn't got a ticket", She was SEVEN! Her parents and grandparents had bought tickets because they wanted to see her dance, but that wasn't good enough, apparently, for her to be just cuddled in on her mam's knee.

When I asked my DD about it, a whole load of stuff came tumbling out! It was horrendous - the sort of things you mention, and terrible bullying. Awful.

Lessons weren't cheap, either, and parents had to pay for all tickets to shows, and pay for materials and provide the costumes.

Wow. I cannot believe that woman - what a disgusting reply. What ballet school is this?? I wouldn't want my children to go there!

I hate the non apology. Why bother - just be open and say I don’t agree and I’m not sorry.

i am not sure this women has the social skills or emotional intelligence to teach children so a new school would be a good call.

merry christmas

Let's hope the dance teacher thinks moaning over a few pence is worth losing a paying customer for. Or indeed more than one - if I had been the parent of another child in the class and had witnessed that behaviour, I too would be thinking about moving my child.

I couldn't let my child spend another second with this pathetic woman.

Late to the thread but that dance teacher is batshit.

There's always another dance class kids can go to, unless youre in a tiny village miles from anywhere there's always others. The biggest problem is usually getting them to leave their mates m, so if dd is fine with it then you have no worries.

She is unhinged. I'm so sorry you experienced all that OP. We would all love to think we'd have a calm reasoned and cutting reply but I know I would have been so shocked I'd have stammered some nonsense.

If she had the courage to respond "listen I've been meaning to call you - I'm so sorry and embarrassed about how I behaved. I was having a terrible day, I snapped and took it out on you. It's not an excuse but an explanation" then I would feel differently but I would have no time for this woman and I would let everyone else know too.

I’d send her an invoice for time and petrol, saying I can transfer you the points no problem and I’ll look forward to payment asap lol

It was wrong to not allow the child to sit on their mothers lap and watch the show but in defence of those putting on a show they now have a gap on stage and other children may not know where they are because the person they are normally next to is not there. I know this as I did the same and pulled my child as she had a cold. I'd luckily seen her but pulled her from the later performance. It was one of the other mothers who explained to me what I had done and how it had affected everything - nicely explained by the way - no dance moms at this school

As regards to paying for materials and tickets to shows - have you any idea how much it costs to put on a performance? Hire of the venue, hire of costumes or purchase of costumes and you don't think parents should pay for tickets?

But I digress from the main issue that the dance teacher is bat shit and I wouldn't take my child there again - all dance teachers I have dealt with have been wonderful

The dance teacher has well and truly shown her true colours. Having had time to reflect she still stands by her rudeness. I don't think you have an option now, investigate the bigger school which offers more dance genres. I don't think you or your daughter will look back. You might look back and actually be thankful that this incident triggered a change for the better.

@Gonkers - a most excellent reply, you should hire yourself out by the hour! Happy Christmas All!

This is an excellent response, including paragraph 3.

I can't believe the dance teacher thinks shouting about this in front of other parents is ok, and I wouldn't send my child back there if it was the only dance school within 100 miles.

Paragraph 3 is excellent!

Op, I think this may have been a blessing in disguise as they say. Now you know who she is. It sounds as though she has created this dance empire for herself and sees herself as a bit of an empress amongst you all. There must be other dance schools around that will be a good fit for your daughter. Time for a change. Time to Leave the Bitch.

Don't give her advance notice your dd isn't going back. Let her turn up to an empty space. Lose her some money waiting for a new pupil to fill the slot.

I really liked the part where you said the loyalty points weren't hers either but belonging to each parent who paid for a meal. She only considered it stealing because you got them, in her head totally fine if she had collected them all for herself!

This

This is small performance in a church hall. - venue was about 15 quid. (I worked with the church and knew the costs)

I think that parents should pay for stuff that their kids are going to keep (eg 4 changes of costume - which we made. Teacher bought the material and we reimbursed her). Parents were charged for their child being in the panto (cost of a double lesson) each of the two nights it was on. I think a couple of free tickets would have been nice, but there were no gratis tickets.

I know what you mean about being a performer short, but these were young children and were all "extras"/ "chorus line" - dance teacher thought nothing of pulling a child out of the line as they were going onto the stage if she didn't like their make-up/ hair (which the mums also had to do). She was a tartar! There was generally a couple of weeping little girls who didn't get to perform for their families.

Then of course, there were the DVDs to buy . . .

Most of the props etc were borrowed form parents, too. You'd think she'd have a selection of stuff (genie's lamp, satin cushions, whatever) but she didn't as she "had nowhere to store it". We just gritted our teeth and bore it, because the girls liked the dancing. (Though it turned out that they mostly liked to be doing what the other little girls were doing)

She lost more than one customer when she wouldn't let that little girl sit on her mother's knee.

Edited because of buggering autocarrot!

I'm sorry you had such an awful experience, I have indeed down the years had much better experiences. I can attest to the fact that storage is a majorly expensive problem.

Ah the DVDs got a box full of these, some really brilliant, others - well we think that is DDs foot there but not really sure😂

I’m with the majority in agreeing that she’s batshit and the suggested paragraphs to reply with are perfect.

She obviously thinks the points are worth a lot of money. OP, you should try to find out how much they are. I'm sure they are way less than she thinks they are worth.

Share the initial message you sent with parents who reached out. They should see how reasonable you are being in all this. Also let them know you will be leaving and the reason why. It is a fair guess the teacher is also awful in other ways.

YANBU 100%

You definitely should tell her how she and her abhorrent behaviour has made you feel. How much were the points worth? I would assume it's like a $1=1 point type scheme so if there were 10 parents contributing $15 then a max 150 points which amounts to a grand total of $1.50 and then she shamed you in front of everyone despite your help to order, pay for and collect the actual order... you then had to leave due to her behaviour despite paying $15... I'd argue that she owes you not only a huge apology for her behaviour towards you but also a refund for the $15 you paid and you can give the $0.15 to each of the parents who actually paid for the food in the first place!