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Original poster

To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

600 replies

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 03:25

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

OP posts:
Grapefruitsquash · 21/12/2023 08:02

Thelondonone · 21/12/2023 04:34

All those people saying they wouldn’t collect the points, why not? If i bought 20 meal deals from Tesco on behalf of my colleagues, I would definitely use my clubcard-I got off my arse and went to the shop.

Absolutely this. Once a year my work team attends a 3 day industry exhibition. Throughout the day we buy coffees for the whole team from Costa who are in the exhibition hall. We all fight to go so we can claim the Costa points even though we expense the coffees.

runningpram · 21/12/2023 08:02

they’re your points just as much as hers - you paid for a meal!

IamnotSethRogan · 21/12/2023 08:04

I don't think it actually makes a difference but what is the actual value of the points ? Like a quid ?

It is in no way theft, it's ridiculous hyperbole to say it is. The only message I would send to this dance teacher is one explaining that you were appalled by her behaviour and you're removing your child from her class.

wildwestpioneer · 21/12/2023 08:05

CollagenQueen · 21/12/2023 08:00

I would send this :

Your behaviour today was totally unprofessional and unwarranted. I specifically asked you, before I ran YOUR errand, whether you had an account to put the points on, and you said (and I quote) "No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things". THAT is why I scanned my own card at checkout. You then accused me of being a thief, in front of other parents, that would have no idea that I had checked with you BEFORE scanning my own loyalty card! I've worked out that the points are worth $2 - send me your Bank details and I will send that amount to you. I'm guessing that you need $2 way more than I do. Merry Fucking Christmas.

I'd send this!

Switcher · 21/12/2023 08:10

Find another dance school...what else does she behave like that about?

Dingdongkong · 21/12/2023 08:12

I absolutely would have collected points, you gave up your time and cost I.e petrol to go collect food.
She sounds awful and I’d be questioning her suitability as a teacher for my child. If she’s happy to speak to you like this in front of other parents, how does she talk to children?

muddyford · 21/12/2023 08:22

Find a different dance school. I wouldn't want her anywhere near anyone I love.

Where I used to work the manager bought a cake each Wednesday. As I had a Clubcard I volunteered to get it. I always got the points. No complaints from the other staff, as we tucked in.

MakeItRain · 21/12/2023 08:25

She was rude. I would message something like "I'm sorry you were upset over the points, considering I had volunteered to collect the food to help you, and that you had specifically told me you don't bother to collect them so in this instance they would have been wasted. Perhaps in future it would be better for parents to bring their own food and collect their individual points themselves, rather than the collector redeeming them all, as in hindsight I realise that the points belong to each parent who purchased a meal. After the way you spoke to me in public, I don't wish X to return to your club so please consider her membership to have ended."

YeahIsaidit · 21/12/2023 08:27

You didn't do anything wrong. You asked her if she collected the points, she said no and they'd have gone to waste otherwise. Besides everyone paid into the food order so she's no more entitled to the points than you or anyone else

Hankunamatata · 21/12/2023 08:28

I think you were a but of a CF collecting the points without asking. You had whit enough to check if she had an account, you could have easily asked her at that point if you could scan your card. I think you were deliberately a bit underhanded.

hjytrjulykuyh · 21/12/2023 08:29

Of course it wasn't cheeky of you to collect the points OP, you offered them to this woman, she declined, so of course anybody with a brain is going to scan their card to get them rather than they go to waste. I think maybe one person in a million would think 'hang on... maybe I should get the receipt, keep hold of it for a set period of time in case anyone else wants the points and then get them if nobody else does'. This woman wasn't even the person with most 'right' to the points! The parents paid for the food themselves!

I would consider what outcome you want here. If you want your daughter to continue going to dance classes I would probably just leave it and say nothing more. Rest in the knowledge that you did nothing wrong, she did, and anybody who oversaw that interaction would have thought she was very nasty and being ridiculous. If you're willing to risk your daughter's relationship with the dance classes though, you can message her. I think in this instance I'd try my best to let it go for the sake of my child, but certainly wouldn't be being pally or attending any sort of social event related to the school again.

SparklyMularky · 21/12/2023 08:31

She should be apologising to you for her rudeness. You checked. I'd have done the same. It's maybe a bit cheeky but otherwise it's a waste.

If she's too stupid to figure out a rewards scheme gives... rewards then I'd be worrying that she is a health and safety risk for your daughter. Twit.

hjytrjulykuyh · 21/12/2023 08:33

To those who think OP was cheeky... genuinely what else should she have done other than offer the points to the dance owner, which she did? Should she have gone to the effort of getting a receipt with the points on and then raffle it amongst the parents? Calculated the amount of points she got and split it by number of parents and transferred them all the amount (which is likely to be a few pence)? Or should she have let the points go to waste.... to avoid being seen a 'cheeky' by people?

Motomum23 · 21/12/2023 08:35

If the parents collectively paid for their individual meals then the greedy thief would be the dance instructor who thought she was entitled to points from someone else's payment! As it was if this was such a big deal to anyone else they would have said oh can I collect lotties food myself as I want the points from it!

What a bizarre outburst over nothing!

JustOneMoreBaileys · 21/12/2023 08:37

If the parents collectively paid for their individual meals then the greedy thief would be the dance instructor who thought she was entitled to points from someone else's payment!

Totally agree with this. Of all the people involved, the dance teacher is the one least entitled to the points!

Wheresthebeach · 21/12/2023 08:40

JustOneMoreBaileys · 21/12/2023 08:37

If the parents collectively paid for their individual meals then the greedy thief would be the dance instructor who thought she was entitled to points from someone else's payment!

Totally agree with this. Of all the people involved, the dance teacher is the one least entitled to the points!

Yep this.
You asked, she answered, then she went batshit in public at you.
Wouldn't want someone like that teaching my child.
You were completely in the right.

TheNoodlesIncident · 21/12/2023 08:42

Crikey. I collect Nectar points and can't imagine being so petty as to want the points accrued on an errand like that. OP earned them because she went to the effort (and used her petrol) to go for the food, something the dance teacher should have sorted herself as she was supposed to hosting!

I also can't imagine being so hostile and rude to one of my paying customers. That's really terrible PR! As another parent I would be thinking twice about using someone so volatile and unjust, as even if they hadn't yet had a go at me or my child, what was to stop them in future? She's crazy to act like that in front of her clients over something so ridiculously trivial.

I would be objecting to the dance teacher's behaviour to OP and voting with my feet, frankly.

twistandfart · 21/12/2023 08:43

She was ridiculous and if I was you I'd be asking for an apology. Theoretically the points should have been split amongst everyone who contributed. That's not possible, you checked the owner didn't want them and she didn't, so you were absolutely fine to have them!

Those saying she shouldn't have taken them, what is your reasoning??

Buffypaws · 21/12/2023 08:47

The OP paid for a proportion of the food, the teacher didn’t. The OP collected the food. Unless other parents paying for the food wanted their card scanned, in which case, they should have volunteered to collect, the points are morally the OP’s. There is therefore no theft. If I paid for a meal in a restaurant with amex and all my friends gave me the cash, no one is going to give a shit that this goes towards my avios.
if they do give a shit they can volunteer to put it on their own card.

Mornusting · 21/12/2023 08:48

Just to clarify one point - did you have to pay for the meals when you collected them?

I don't think what you did was unfair - I mean were 20 parents ( or whatever number) really going to go and collect individually their child's meal to get a couple of points? You were helping out.

ViaRia01 · 21/12/2023 08:49

I’m angry for you!
let’s put aside whether or not it was ok to claim the points (it was fine, as she had already refused them)… you are her customer, AND you were voluntarily helping her to run an event for her business.

her attitude was OTT and does not show any appreciation for your custom or your time.

Janieforever · 21/12/2023 08:49

I’d have to address this too. Exactly how much were the points worth? I’m guessing there were quite a few kids?

id probably email and say something gentler than accusing her of being unprofessional etc, as as much as she was, it’s hardly going to help the situation.

maybe, dear x, I was very disappointed and upset about the episode today and to be publicly called a thief and greedy. I specially asked if you wished the points in advance, and you firmly declined. As such, my only thought in the restaurant was not to let them go to waste.

arguably the points belong to each parent. I am happy to bring a gift for sharing for all the kids to the same value, x amount, (drinks, chocolate, whatever) to ensure everyone benefits.

I would like an apology for the attack in front of the same people who witnessed it.

KinS24 · 21/12/2023 08:53

Some great potential responses here. What you use will depend on whether you want DD to stay in the class.
Assuming you do the aim is to make her feel abashed and apologetic rather than defensive. I would definitely go with another to reimburse the parents 15p each or whatever it is. Make it clear that you will give her the £ if that’s her preferred option.
‘Hi Debbie. I was really upset at being called a greedy thief in front of the group last week. I had checked whether you wanted to claim the loyalty points yourself but you had made it clear at the time that you weren’t bothered. They can’t be claimed retrospectively anyway so I used my card rather than just waste them.
As you are clearly very upset about this I am happy to transfer the whole amount to the parents who paid (15p each) or to you (£3.00). The points are worth one medium fries so let me know if you’d rather have that. Please let me know what you decide and I will bring the cash to the next session’.

PuttingDownRoots · 21/12/2023 08:56

If using the loyalty card gave a discount as well as collecting points, would it still be seen as dishonest by some?