To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

[Lolabear38]

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

She can’t backdate the points upon her opening a new account .

id be having serious words with her unprovoked attack more so because she called you a thief, which is extremely rude and offensive!

Was this all on one receipt? Surely you can't split each line item onto rewards cards within the same transaction?

I'd say it's yours as you're the one who had to go and collect them. The accuser was out of order.

I dont think you did anything wrong either. You took the points because otherwise nobody would have them. What a silly bunch of mean idiots. You asked and she said no.

I buy stuff all the time for work and get the points, later this year we are flying on loyalty points dp collected from work trips. It's not stealing, just makes up for petrol etc

Even better if you could put something to this effect on a group WhatsApp or Facebook page if there is one. If you just leave and never go back then gossip will mean you look like a thief even though you're not. I'd be stating my case before I left.
If not then make sure the biggest gossip mum knows the full story before you leave!

Shes a bit OTT but you were unreasonable claiming points on a purchase that wasn't yours. I would have explained the rewards scheme to help support a service that I valued for my child but each to their own

I think you did nothing wrong and I'd be finding another class

She's utterly batshit and not even entitled to the bloody points because SHE wasn't paying for food. And I'd have done the same as you OP. And id be ditching the class.

Utterly bizarre behaviour!

You did nothing wrong - I don’t know how much the reward amounts to but you asked her and she said she didn’t want the points. It would have been a waste not to collect them yourself. Her reaction was also very out of order.

If you had just collected the points, I'd agree with her, but you asked so it was fair enough you collected them as they'd just be wasted (although the best thing probably would've been to ask if she minded if you collected them, hindsight is great!). She overreacted hugely. I would send the text at least to explain yourself.

Sorry if this has been mentioned already I'm still half asleep - she didn't pay for the meals so not her points neither. If she wants to be that petty then no one should get them. So technically, they are more yours than hers cos you put $15 in, she didn't.

YABU - you are looking at pulling your daughter out of an activity she enjoys because you couldn't resist some loyalty points bought with money that mostly wasn't yours !?
I'd go to back to the restaurant and ask if they can take the points off your loyalty card and put them on a new one, which I'd give to the teacher and apologise.
Be the bigger person OP. If the teacher shouted rudely at you, she'll look silly for it, and your daughter doesn't deserve to lose out cause you couldn't pass up a freebie.

Sounds to me like she got angry at a missed opportunity or that the parent she'd spoken to put a flea in her ear about it and you.

Personally, when she said she wasn't in the rewards scheme and didn't want to be in it, I would have asked if she minded if I collected the points instead then.

That one simple question could have prevented this whole situation as she wouldn't have been able to go off one at you like she did.

Well the teacher didn't pay for anything so how would that be fair?

So the owner thinks that she has the right to the points just because she is the owner? It wasn't her money used for the food!

OP, it wasn't as if you did this in an underhand way. She can piss off. Or you can make a big show of giving her the cash equivalent of the points, all 50p (or whatever it is) of it.

It wasn't the teacher's money either.

Perhaps the OP should work out the monetary value of the points, deduct 45p per mile for her petrol and then divide the remaining £1.50 amount between all the parents who contributed.

I absolutely would not be giving more business to someone who treated me this way. Please say it wasn’t also in front of the children?! I’d be finding a new dance class immediately as my trust in how they behave would be destroyed. Does she shout at the children and throw hissy fits? Calling you a thief over some points…seriously! Also why is she feeding them fast food? She sounds lazy tbh.

As far as I can see she’s the only one who doesn’t have a claim to those points, you all paid for the food right?!

YANBU.

1. she said she didn’t want the points.
2. they’re no more hers than anyone else’s, as everyone paid
3. she wouldn’t be able to claim retrospective points anyway, it doesn’t work like that. I would point all this out to her.

I do like the idea of the OP making a big show of presenting all of the parents with the monetary equivalent of their share of the points after her petrol costs- 1p each or similar. Or claiming the deficit from the owner.

I’d text her with ..

‘I willingly volunteered to give my time to help out at the party and collect the food (paid for by the parents). You declined the shop points, so naturally I had the points as I physically carried out the purchase. Stating I’m greedy, a thief and should be ashamed of myself was unexpected, also untrue. To public shame me in front of other parents felt humiliating. Although my daughter enjoys your lessons, I can’t see how we can carry on attending’

I think you were a bit sneaky as you never said 'do you mind if I collect the points then?' when she said she didn't have an account, rather than just asking if she had an account.

But her reaction was way ott.

We are not allowed to collect points in my work as it is counted as theft and I know some places where you can actually be sacked for it.

I would send this :

Your behaviour today was totally unprofessional and unwarranted. I specifically asked you, before I ran YOUR errand, whether you had an account to put the points on, and you said (and I quote) "No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things". THAT is why I scanned my own card at checkout. You then accused me of being a thief, in front of other parents, that would have no idea that I had checked with you BEFORE scanning my own loyalty card! I've worked out that the points are worth $2 - send me your Bank details and I will send that amount to you. I'm guessing that you need $2 way more than I do. Merry Fucking Christmas.

Tbh, I think that she looks a bit miserly. She didn't want the points. You took them or they'd have gone to waste.
She was talking about it, and you before she even found out about the points.
If I was a parent hearing this, I would be thinking to never help her, and that she was already looking for a reason to embarrass you and keep my distance.
A thief over a few flipping points. No thank you

Technically she’s right, it is theft as the points were earned from food that you hadn’t paid for. But by the same token she would also be wrong for collecting them too as it was not her who had paid for the food either - each child had earned the points with their own food (well, each paying parent but you know what I mean!)
so unless she was planning on setting up an account specifically for this dance group & the rewards accrued would go fully back on to the group, then she would also have been in the wrong if she had collected the points anyway.