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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

600 replies

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 03:25

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

OP posts:
clingon1012 · 21/12/2023 04:22

I wouldn't have collected the points without saying anything because it wasn't just yours to collect - other mums also paid towards it, so I would have asked whether the owner/other mums minded if I collected them for myself.

However, the owner had no right to have such an explosive outburst seeing as you did ask whether she had the membership and she said no and the points again weren't solely for hers to take as you all paid for it too.

Look for a new dance school!

OddityOddityOdd · 21/12/2023 04:23

The points are probably worth about £1. This is worse than toddlers squabbling. Don't give it another thought, I'm always amazed how petty people can be.

WandaWonder · 21/12/2023 04:23

Icouldbehappy · 21/12/2023 04:02

Do you think the OP collecting the points is stealing in some way??

Show quote history

Stealing like stealing a perfume no, would i take something I am not entilted too no

Userxyd · 21/12/2023 04:26

PurpleFlower1983 · 21/12/2023 03:39

I don’t think you should have collected the points but this is a big no, no where I work and is considered theft (things are often bought collectively then claimed back) however I do understand why you didn’t see it as an issue I suppose if it’s not something you’ve come across. I would apologise I think. I don’t think the owner acted appropriately shaming you in front of others though. I don’t think I would go back.

OP, I think you're fine, you asked, she declined and they would have gone to waste otherwise.
If you don't ask for them to be recorded on the receipt they just disappear don't they, and you wouldn't have done that as she'd said she didn't collect points.
Hopefully she's feeling a bit embarrassed after making a scene about it- how were you supposed to know 5 mins after being vehemently opposed to the idea she'd do a complete U turn?! She might be feeling awful now - maybe she was stressed about the party and it came out like this. Is she normally a bit strange? She'll certainly have put the other parents on guard a bit for future helping and possibly even future lessons. Does your DC like her?
Don't you stress, you were absolutely fine and possibly the scapegoat for other stress.
Out of interest, @PurpleFlower1983 where do you work for this to happen so often it's been decreed such a no no?

flowerchild2000 · 21/12/2023 04:26

Now you know she's a drama queen and you got the points! Win/win! I do not think you need to apologize! She does but I wouldn't accept it. I hope you find a dance class without any crazy lady involved!

shivawn · 21/12/2023 04:28

Her reaction sounds awful but it's tricky if your daughter loves the class. Is there another dance class locally that you could take her to?

CuriousGeorge80 · 21/12/2023 04:33

Well given the parents all paid for the food, surely she has no entitlement to the points at all? At the worst you have equal rights to them. She’s batshit, and you’ve done nothing wrong. I wouldn’t be apologising and I wouldn’t be returning.

Thelondonone · 21/12/2023 04:34

All those people saying they wouldn’t collect the points, why not? If i bought 20 meal deals from Tesco on behalf of my colleagues, I would definitely use my clubcard-I got off my arse and went to the shop.

Icouldbehappy · 21/12/2023 04:35

WandaWonder · 21/12/2023 04:23

Stealing like stealing a perfume no, would i take something I am not entilted too no

Show quote history

In what way are you not entitled to it, if you’re the one who goes to collect it?

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/12/2023 04:36

If she had paid then she might have a point, but she didnt. The parents paid so if anyone has an issue it should be the parents who paid the $15 each, not her. They are morally more yours (as you paid your money) than hers!

If she mentions it again I would ask "so you everyone else paid for their food, including me, but you wanted to keep all of those loyalty points for yourself?"

I would offer to use the points gained on that party towards another party.

itsgettingweird · 21/12/2023 04:38

Why would you have sold her the scheme when she said she had no interest in things like that! It's not your job!

You went, you collected the points - no problem!

So many times of me or friends are in shops and someone doesn't have a loyalty card we'll suggest the other scams there's!

cerisepanther73 · 21/12/2023 04:39

@,@Lolabear38

Ridiculous behaviour on her part

just because this woman wasn't switched on or couldn't be bothered arsed to look into the idea of loyalty points the value of this

She kicks off like entailed entiled spolt brat who acts like a shit at times.

I would have been tempted 😕 to have done same thing as you,

she comes as thick as mince

in the new year you need to look elsewhere for dance classes for your daughter too

pollyglot · 21/12/2023 04:47

To call you greedy is just pathetic, but to brand you a thief in front of all those parents is unforgiveable. That's a pretty hefty accusation and you should have called her out on it. You should demand an apology in the presence of the other women. These things have a way of escalating to the detriment of your reputation if the others did not know the backstory.

Bellyblueboy · 21/12/2023 04:47

I would have asked if she minded if I collected the points as she didn’t want them.

she shouldn’t have shamed you infront of everyone like that though.

how about a message

’you were clearly upset about the points. To be clear I only took them because you declined, however I now see that I should have asked if you minded. I have calculated the financial benefit to me as it’s $7. I will transferred this to you.

my daughter loves attending the class and I don’t want this issue to get in the way that. I hope we can put this behind us and that emily can continue in the class’

BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 21/12/2023 04:50

I wouldn’t apologise if someone had been so rude to me. You were helping AND you asked her. You were transparent in what you were doing. Don’t feel guilty. Id be asking HER for an apology plus some money towards petrol. It’s not as big as it feels right now. It’ll all be ok. Have a lovely Christmas.

Bellyblueboy · 21/12/2023 04:54

I think what will be perceived as the issue is OP wasn’t transparent at the time. She didn’t say okay then, well if you don’t mind I’ll take the points on my card.

OP didn’t pay for the food, but she benefited from the points. She should have asked first - that’s just manners.

it is a very small issue though and the points won’t amount to very much in monetary value - maybe a free burger!

so yes this is an over reaction so both parties should apologise

autienotnaughty · 21/12/2023 04:55

I would be furious to be treated this way by another adult my message would go-

I am upset and annoyed by your behaviour this afternoon. I asked you if you had a loyalty card and you said no. And tbf given we all paid for our own food you were no more entitled to points than anyone else there. I did you a favour by collecting the food and instead of thanks I get called a thief in front of everyone. I will find a different dance class for my dd to attend as I disagree with the way you treat others and do not want my dd exposed to that.

Or you know if you want her to stay in the class something a little lighter.

PepperIsHere · 21/12/2023 04:56

Dance teachers are notoriously nuts. Keep the points and take your daughter for lessons elsewhere.

autienotnaughty · 21/12/2023 04:57

Bellyblueboy · 21/12/2023 04:54

I think what will be perceived as the issue is OP wasn’t transparent at the time. She didn’t say okay then, well if you don’t mind I’ll take the points on my card.

OP didn’t pay for the food, but she benefited from the points. She should have asked first - that’s just manners.

it is a very small issue though and the points won’t amount to very much in monetary value - maybe a free burger!

so yes this is an over reaction so both parties should apologise

The op didn't over react tho? In fact she didn't say anything precisely because it wasn't a big deal.

Everyone paid for their own food so the dance owner was no more entitled than anyone else there.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 21/12/2023 05:00

At worst it's a bit cheeky of you, not in any way a big deal and her reaction was way over the top and bore no relation to the so called crime. She's in the wrong here and very unprofessional. I really wouldn't want to go back, if DC loved it and was upset at the thought of changing I might try and suck it up. If they weren't too bothered I'd probably try and find a different dance class.

AGoingConcern · 21/12/2023 05:02

’you were clearly upset about the points. To be clear I only took them because you declined, however I now see that I should have asked if you minded. I have calculated the financial benefit to me as it’s $7. I will transferred this to you.

The dance teacher didn't pay for the meals to begin with. If OP is going to do this, she should calculate the value of the points and offer to split it among the people who actually paid for the meals. Everybody gets 0.25 quid 🙄

Bellyblueboy · 21/12/2023 05:05

I suppose a way to look at it could be the dance teacher runs a business and charged her customers to attend the party. So this then was her money to provide food and entertainment. She was more entitled to the points than OP.

but she declined them. Op took them rather than see them go to waste - but a quick heads up to the teacher would have been polite.

a storm in a teacup though. All easily resolved and forgotten.

MrsMorrisey · 21/12/2023 05:09

Geez. Total overreaction from her! Does it really matter? Not good business sense from her because others would have noticed her attitude to you and think hhhhmmm🤔

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 21/12/2023 05:13

You did nothing wrong. You asked if she wanted the points and she said no. She is no more entitled to them than anyone else. I would call her out for her absolute unprofessionalism and rudeness to you in front of the other parents as her reaction was unacceptable and unjustifiable given you had asked and she declined. I would tell her her behaviour really warrants an apology to you but that regardless you will not be returning to classes so she has list a lot more income than a few loyalty points to someone that had voluntarily given their time to help her out for free.. i would probably do so on the dance class whats app group then block her.
also the teacher is no more entitled than every other person that paid for the food to the points if she did indeed even contribute any money!

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/12/2023 05:17

Can you even redeem points at that store later on, I know you can at some with a receipt, but its not a universal thing.

If you didn't collect points, would they even be on the receipt even if you could redeem them later, some you have to ask for that, some not - so even if you didn't take them theres a good chance she would not have been able to. Did she ask you to get a receipt and hand it over before hand?

She is a twat. I would calculate the point value, divide it by the people who paid for food and offer everyone that back as they are no more her points than yours so fairest to split it between everyone...

And hopefully she'd see she's being a dick.

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