I’ve started throwing out whatever DH leaves on the floor

[Lollibert]

I’m at my wits end I don’t know how else to get through to My DH he leaves dirty socks on the floor, his dirty clothes, his leaves dirty dishes on the table leaves empty packets of his snacks everywhere now in the beginning I didn’t mind my DH works and I keep the home, I cook and clean and that was fine until I became a mum, and found out very quickly that cooking and cleaning childless vs cooking and cleaning when u have a child are too very different things, this all I ask of him,
one: put your dirty dishes in the sink you don’t have to wash it just please put it in the sink and pour a little water over the top until I can get to it (as I hate when he leaves it out and the food on the plate drys and becomes hard to get off)

two: put your dirty laundry in the washing basket

three: put your empty packets in the bin

four: take off your shoes at the door (he tracks mud in)

is that seriously too hard of a thing? We’ve had arguments where he said he works all day and I know he does he has a very physically demanding job and we ended up having so many arguments about it that he said fine he will do what I ask to save the arguments, that’s great except he still doesn’t do it says he forgot, if I remind him before he gets the chance to forget he says I nag him, so I think I had a mental break down tonight and threw out the dishes he left out on the table threw out the clothes he left on the floor threw out his muddy shoes that he was kind enough to take off IN THE LIVING ROOM after getting a trail of mud on the living room carpet which left me cleaning up a trail of mud and I swore to him from now on this is how it’s going to be I will throw out whatever he leaves out and I really don’t want to but I’m serious I can’t be the one in the wrong for this am I living in an alternate universe I don’t know how to get through to this man and he is so good in every other way except this I just can’t understand it

Good on you. Keep doing this and perhaps he learns. He seems to have confused a wife with a servant.

I dont think you have a right to throw our someone else property? Just stop cleaning for him. He will eventually have to wash up himself.

I pile up everything at his place at the table. He has to clear it to sit down and eat.
You could put it in a box.

@Notimeforaname he wont he doesn’t mind living with mess but I do

I know you are not expecting him to actually do the cleaning but he has told you he thinks you need to pick up after him because he works. He doesn't respect you. Stop doing anything for him.

I mean, don’t sort it, rubbish, muddy shoes clothes plates and all.

he wont he doesn’t mind living with mess but I do

He would eat off dirty plates and live every day in unwashed clothes? In that case I wouid be leaving him because he is a scruff.

My autistic 10 year old can sort laundry, clear dishes and takes off his shoes at the door.

He can also do a wash and transfer to dryer and switch on.

If he can do it your adult husband bloody well can.

@Notimeforaname I don’t think he would but I couldn’t let it go on for long enough that it got that bad I once stopped cleaning for a few days and it got so bad it was just extra work for me it’s not worth it

I think you should crack on and remain throwing stuff away ir into his car if he has one.
A wife is not a maid for the whole house, he is treating you like his own mother not an equal partner that helps facilitate his working life.
Tbh I'd start looking for a full time position of work outside the house.

YANBU. Throw everything out. He sounds like a fucking dick.

I mean, it might be easier to just throw him out.

This.

Did you quit working as soon as you married?

Taylor makes an excellent point.

I've threatened to bin shit a thousand times. If you actually do, you're my hero.

To avoid running out of cutlery and crockery (as that inconveniences you), maybe paper plates for him from now on

I'd be looking to go back to work.

This man doesn't value or respect you, and he never will. You need to put yourself in a position where you can support yourself, and fuck him out.

@SusanKennedyshouldLTB no I worked from home as a lash tech but when I became pregnant I got too sick to work so quite for a while and still haven’t gotten back into it as i can’t put my baby down at all lately due to separation anxiety

Your baby will would be fine in childcare. They all have separation anxiety. I think you need to go back to work.

Bag up and fill his car boot. Say nothing.

Fine. They're married, so she owns half of it.

One shoe goes in the bin, one sock, half a dirty plate...

I get it completely. There is 2 weekly tasks I ask him to do and apparently reminding him when they’re 3 weeks overdue is ‘nagging’. And, although lovely, my DSC are the same with the housekeeping prowess.
It’s by far the no1 cause of arguments and makes me feel unloved and disrespected.

Imangine

wife posting on here 'I came home from work and found out my husband threw away my things''

'omg that is a red flag, you need to kick him out, he is gaslighting you'
'you must leave'

I'd just split. He doesn't respect you. He's a horrible man treating you badly. I wouldn't put up with it.

I am tempted to try this with my 11 year old, let me know how it goes

You clearly have very different standards you have high standards and you expect him to live like that
he has low standards and he expects you to live like that

throwing stuff away will not end well and also if you ever leave anything lying about he will have every right to bin it

get one of those pop up laundry basket and just dump everything in there

I hate it when people bring up the I work so... Argument. Your job is to run the house, it's not your job to pick up after another adult.

You'll get tired or throwing stuff out. A decent sized hamper will do. Stop doing anything for him at all.

I agree though that you need to go back to work. It doesnt sound as this relationship has staying power if you want to live together. Maybe seperate houses