Page 8 | What would you think of this conversation?

mewkins · 21/12/2023 10:09

Coyoacan · 20/12/2023 21:36

Anyone who cannot just say they are sorry when they are in the wrong is a disaster. I don't find your tone off, OP, but I'm not an expert, but I find the way he didn't say sorry mind-blowing

Show quote history

I'm with you. Op, I suspect your tone was not the result of a one off lunch not happening but weeks/months of his flakiness. I don't blame you for being pissed off. The fact he was defensive and unapologetic would make me end it.

DoDoDoD · 21/12/2023 10:09

jeezsolom · 20/12/2023 20:58

Been seeing a guy for three months. We are exclusive. He has been very distant lately but yesterday he suggested lunch on our lunch breaks. That was fine. He said he would text me today. Heard nothing all day so text thread goes like this -

Me - It was good to hear from you re lunch 👍

Him - Hellooo. I never got a minute today

Me - I’m sure you had a minute to let me know it wasn’t happening. Basic manners. Anyways doesn’t matter.

Him - Wait a minute lol, did you message me?

Me - You suggested lunch, said you’d let me know, then never did. Why would I message you to chase up? Especially when I've been planning most of the dates recently.

Him - name you know i have very busy days its rare that i have a day of leisure. you had a visit at 2 and in the office in the morning. I never stopped all day last job was at 4 and i came home as i had an hours drive is that awright with you?

Don't even know what to or whether to respond. Who is in the wrong here? It's the is that awright with you? So aggressive.

Has he been distant or super busy but apologetic and wanting to see you?

You do sound a bit petulant in those texts and he sounds frustrated with you but maybe his not getting in touch is the straw that broke the camel's back if he has been distant lately for no obvious reason. If all else is generally going well except he's busy in the run up to Christmas I would leave it up to him to get in touch - if he has been distant and you feel he isn't that into you then I'd end it firmly but nicely right now and walk away with a bit of dignity. Just say you've had some good times with him but you feel the relationship has run its course and wish him well.

Denimdenimdenim · 21/12/2023 10:11

Your messages were verryyyy passive, OP.

Iamtheelephantintheroom · 21/12/2023 10:12

Me - It was good to hear from you re lunch 👍
sarcastic and attacking
Him - Hellooo. I never got a minute today
apology would have helped
Me - I’m sure you had a minute to let me know it wasn’t happening. Basic manners. Anyways doesn’t matter.
aggressive and clearly it does matter or you wouldn't be so snarky. Anyways would put me off
Him - Wait a minute lol, did you message me?
he has a point. Why didn't you?
Me - You suggested lunch, said you’d let me know, then never did. Why would I message you to chase up? Especially when I've been planning most of the dates recently.
fair point but it's unclear communication/passive aggressive/gameplaying if you're just sat there rather than being direct
Him - name you know i have very busy days its rare that i have a day of leisure. you had a visit at 2 and in the office in the morning. I never stopped all day last job was at 4 and i came home as i had an hours drive is that awright with you?
Awright would put me off. Is he Michael Barrymore? That said, you put anyways so maybe you're made for each other. He's clearly overworked and stressed or just not that into you. Biting back because you went on the offensive/he's on the defensive. 3 months is too short to be having this already.

DoDoDoD · 21/12/2023 10:13

Iamtheelephantintheroom · 21/12/2023 10:12

Me - It was good to hear from you re lunch 👍
sarcastic and attacking
Him - Hellooo. I never got a minute today
apology would have helped
Me - I’m sure you had a minute to let me know it wasn’t happening. Basic manners. Anyways doesn’t matter.
aggressive and clearly it does matter or you wouldn't be so snarky. Anyways would put me off
Him - Wait a minute lol, did you message me?
he has a point. Why didn't you?
Me - You suggested lunch, said you’d let me know, then never did. Why would I message you to chase up? Especially when I've been planning most of the dates recently.
fair point but it's unclear communication/passive aggressive/gameplaying if you're just sat there rather than being direct
Him - name you know i have very busy days its rare that i have a day of leisure. you had a visit at 2 and in the office in the morning. I never stopped all day last job was at 4 and i came home as i had an hours drive is that awright with you?
Awright would put me off. Is he Michael Barrymore? That said, you put anyways so maybe you're made for each other. He's clearly overworked and stressed or just not that into you. Biting back because you went on the offensive/he's on the defensive. 3 months is too short to be having this already.

enough of the spelling/grammar police. Honestly, MN is so full of snobs

blackbeardsballsack · 21/12/2023 10:15

5128gap · 21/12/2023 09:25

I think your messages were fine OP. You're clearly not happy with him not messaging about lunch and about you having to make the arrangements, so why sit there pretending you are just to avoid upsetting a guy who isn't very satisfactory anyway? Yes he sounds stroppy about it, but what's the alternative? Carry on as you are because not putting a man off you is more important than how they treat you?

Completely agree with this

Costumier · 21/12/2023 10:18

Kind of reminds me of this from the other day. (Texts just are a terrible medium to work out relationship issues.)

Both relationships are under 6 months old, and I would not expect to be getting naggy in that time. And would frankly run a mile from a partner who got naggy with me so early on. It's the explorative, nervous time when you are figuring out where it's going/where you both want it to go.... can't be rushed and it not easy.... Oh god I'm glad I'm not dating!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4967155-can-someone-unpick-this-text-for-me-from-woman-im-seeing

Can someone unpick this text for me from woman I'm seeing? | Mumsnet

I've been in a relationship with someone for the past 5 months. It is going much slower than she would like, I am aware of that. This is due to m...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4967155-can-someone-unpick-this-text-for-me-from-woman-im-seeing

Viviennemary · 21/12/2023 10:39

You came across as a bit needy in those texts. And telling him off is a bit controlling. Doesn't sound like you're exactly made for each other. Back off and see how things go. Let him do the texting and date arranging then you'll see how keen he is.

StaunchMomma · 21/12/2023 11:01

Of course it's not Ok to casually mention lunch then not follow up BUT your reaction was childish and sarcastic.

Neither of you are exactly coming across well there.

Showmethesunny · 21/12/2023 11:02

He’s not that into you
You’re Incredibly passive aggressive and also quite rude
it’s been 3 months……

randomusernam · 21/12/2023 12:48

AnOldCynic · 20/12/2023 21:02

I would think that you are being passive aggressive.

Also why say it doesn't matter when it obviously does?

Couldn't agree more. If something bothers you tell him don't make a fuss and then say it doesn't matter. Why you act like that it is going to get someone's back up, you're not in high school. If you had text him saying I know you've probably had a really busy day but I was disappointed you couldn't take a minute to message to say you wouldn't make lunch. The conversation would have gone very differently

cigarettesNalcohol · 21/12/2023 13:05

Your first message is childish. If you have been planning all the dates recently and this is pissing you off, and on top of that he lets you down when he said he'd be in touch - then speak frankly to him about it. But starting a conversation the way you did would annoy anyone, whether they deserved it or not. Your communication is poor, reads to me like you are ready to argue and get into conflict. Perhaps this isn't the relationship for you. Work on your communication before finding a more reliable man.

DoDoDoD · 21/12/2023 13:55

The OP said she apologised, no need to be so harsh on her. Have none of you written a text that on reflection maybe wasn't in the best tone? fgs

TurquoiseMermaid · 21/12/2023 14:30

Jesus Christ you've been dating a guy for a matter of weeks and you nag him to death and lose your rag whenever he doesn't obey your exact commands?

moonlitnoir · 21/12/2023 14:30

wrong thread lol

Cupcakekiller · 21/12/2023 14:32

If he was normally spot on with arranging dates and contacting you, I'd let it go but it sounds like he hasn't been. He suggested lunch and said he'd message you and he didn't. It takes a few seconds to send a text to let you know. I'd bin him off.

Ahwhatthehell · 21/12/2023 14:47

Ihaterhymingrabbit · 20/12/2023 21:03

I wouldn’t have chased it up in the first place. Let him chase you.

This.

janfebmarchapril · 21/12/2023 14:48

The awright would have put me right off. He was rude to not let you know. I dont think you did anything wrong

ClairDeLaLune · 21/12/2023 15:10

Don’t blame you OP, I’d have done exactly the same. Hate it when people don’t message when they say they will. He’s not reliable. Dump and move on.

ClairDeLaLune · 21/12/2023 15:12

Also, he doesn’t use apostrophes. Dump, for sure!

KnittedPond · 21/12/2023 15:13

ClairDeLaLune · 21/12/2023 15:12

Also, he doesn’t use apostrophes. Dump, for sure!

Amen.