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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you think of this conversation?

196 replies

jeezsolom · 20/12/2023 20:58

Been seeing a guy for three months. We are exclusive. He has been very distant lately but yesterday he suggested lunch on our lunch breaks. That was fine. He said he would text me today. Heard nothing all day so text thread goes like this -

Me - It was good to hear from you re lunch 👍

Him - Hellooo. I never got a minute today

Me - I’m sure you had a minute to let me know it wasn’t happening. Basic manners. Anyways doesn’t matter.

Him - Wait a minute lol, did you message me?

Me - You suggested lunch, said you’d let me know, then never did. Why would I message you to chase up? Especially when I've been planning most of the dates recently.

Him - name you know i have very busy days its rare that i have a day of leisure. you had a visit at 2 and in the office in the morning. I never stopped all day last job was at 4 and i came home as i had an hours drive is that awright with you?

Don't even know what to or whether to respond. Who is in the wrong here? It's the is that awright with you? So aggressive.

OP posts:
PhulNana · 20/12/2023 21:26

Why do people write 'text' when they mean 'texted'?

kimchio · 20/12/2023 21:28

Your messages were so angry! Right from the get go. What's with the first line? Blimey. You need to work on your anger

Kingoftheroad · 20/12/2023 21:29

He’s distant, he’s let you down. Sorry but it’s over - end it now as it’ll only lead to more stress

kimchio · 20/12/2023 21:29

Don't even know what to or whether to respond no don't respond. Let him go. He doesn't deserve this.

AffIt · 20/12/2023 21:29

Christ, if you sent me a msg like that after barely 12 weeks, I'd be out the door so fast it would be spinning.

Seriously, who do you think you are to speak that way to somebody? You don't own him.

Honeyroar · 20/12/2023 21:31

Iwishiwasasilentnight · 20/12/2023 21:23

Definitely.

OP, your messages would be enough for me to end a 3 month relationship.

Show quote history

The guy had been distant for a while, inviting her for lunch and then letting her down etc. Of course her messages weren’t sweetness and light - quite rightly! She should be dumping him.

If I were her id be sending one last reply “when I said it didn’t matter, I meant that I don’t care anymore, I want to end this.” I doubt that he’ll protest. He doesn’t care enough.

Zingy123 · 20/12/2023 21:32

You were rude. If I was him I'd be off.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/12/2023 21:33

He was rude in not coming back to you, your first message was hostile.

slithytoveisascientist · 20/12/2023 21:33

I think your messages were unpleasant

AuntMarch · 20/12/2023 21:33

If someone said "are we still on for lunch today" I'd have replied "oh God, sorry, snowed under and forgot to text you. I can't make it but can we rearrange?".

If someone sent me the first message you did, I'd have thought "fuck this shit".

Howdoesitworkagain · 20/12/2023 21:34

Sorry OP I think you were being a dick.

Coyoacan · 20/12/2023 21:36

gannett · 20/12/2023 21:21

You were right that he was rude, he should have texted you if he said he was going to. And if he didn't have a moment (easily done and not necessarily a big deal) he should have been apologetic.

You were definitely spoiling for an argument with the passive aggressive first message. I don't blame you though.

Anyone who cannot just say they are sorry when they are in the wrong is a disaster. I don't find your tone off, OP, but I'm not an expert, but I find the way he didn't say sorry mind-blowing

Ilovemyshed · 20/12/2023 21:36

missmollygreen · 20/12/2023 21:03

Passive aggressive.
That fist message would put me right off

Its a thumbs up

DinaofCloud9 · 20/12/2023 21:36

I wouldn't have responded as nicely as he did.

HerMammy · 20/12/2023 21:37

Very snide from OP, if I was him I'd be binning you.

Original poster
jeezsolom · 20/12/2023 21:37

I've apologised for my passive aggressiveness.

OP posts:
Toohardtofindaproperusername · 20/12/2023 21:37

Your first message to him is aggressive. There's only one way that convo is going with an opener like that.
If you wanted to do lunch you could ahve asked him..

Original poster
jeezsolom · 20/12/2023 21:39

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 20/12/2023 21:37

Your first message to him is aggressive. There's only one way that convo is going with an opener like that.
If you wanted to do lunch you could ahve asked him..

I think if this was one instance it would be fair enough but there has been a plethora of instances. The 'relationship' is over, I can feel that in my gut. But it doesn't give me the right to speak to someone like that, so I apologised.

OP posts:
Onelifeonly · 20/12/2023 21:39

Your message is very sarcastic and accusatory. I don't blame him for responding in kind.

Onelifeonly · 20/12/2023 21:41

For sure neither of you are communicating like considerate partners. If this is usual, I'd give it up.

CaroleSinger · 20/12/2023 21:42

Sorry, you're not coming over very well here. I'm not surprised he replied the way he did with you being so passive aggressive.

HaPPy8 · 20/12/2023 21:44

Well done for saying sorry and owning it op

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 20/12/2023 21:45

jeezsolom · 20/12/2023 21:39

I think if this was one instance it would be fair enough but there has been a plethora of instances. The 'relationship' is over, I can feel that in my gut. But it doesn't give me the right to speak to someone like that, so I apologised.

Show quote history

Sounds all a,bit ugh ... Good u moving on from it.

Agapornis · 20/12/2023 21:45

I would no longer want to date someone if they sent me the negative shit you did only 3 months in.

Why do you write "Anyways doesn’t matter." when it clearly does to you?

dothehokeycokey · 20/12/2023 21:45

Got to admit op that first message you sent was abit ugly.

I get you were pissed because he didn't message like he said he would which would annoy me aswell ,however I probs wouldn't have messaged at all and waited to hear from him at which point I would ask what happened to the lunch date