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Original poster

What would you think of this conversation?

196 replies

jeezsolom · 20/12/2023 20:58

Been seeing a guy for three months. We are exclusive. He has been very distant lately but yesterday he suggested lunch on our lunch breaks. That was fine. He said he would text me today. Heard nothing all day so text thread goes like this -

Me - It was good to hear from you re lunch 👍

Him - Hellooo. I never got a minute today

Me - I’m sure you had a minute to let me know it wasn’t happening. Basic manners. Anyways doesn’t matter.

Him - Wait a minute lol, did you message me?

Me - You suggested lunch, said you’d let me know, then never did. Why would I message you to chase up? Especially when I've been planning most of the dates recently.

Him - name you know i have very busy days its rare that i have a day of leisure. you had a visit at 2 and in the office in the morning. I never stopped all day last job was at 4 and i came home as i had an hours drive is that awright with you?

Don't even know what to or whether to respond. Who is in the wrong here? It's the is that awright with you? So aggressive.

OP posts:
Arightoldcarryabag · 20/12/2023 21:46

Shouldn't be hard work at 3 months.
To be honest, you seem a little out of line which may justify the response a bit but he also seems a touch out of line.

If this is the honeymoon stage, it's either miscommunication that can be worked on or it's not worth it. We don't know but you probably do.

shewithnoname · 20/12/2023 21:46

oh gosh... you didnt handle that very well did you? you went in very aggressive... i am not surprised he went on the defensive... i'd definately say that was too much for a 3 month relationship. to be honest, i've been married 10 years and i wouldnt start on my husband like that... i'd probably have started with.... is everything ok?

Delatron · 20/12/2023 21:47

Felisenavedad · 20/12/2023 21:18

If he spells alright as awright that would be a deal breaker for me!

But I think if he's been distant and didn't text you about a lunch he suggested, I would have kept my dignity and my silence. I absolutely wouldn't be so passive aggressive.

However, in a happy, healthy relationship you should be able to text, 'still on for lunch" without a moments hesitation. It speaks volumes if you don't feel able to and for me, would be the sign it wasn't right.

This post is all you need. Sums it all up perfectly.

nfkl · 20/12/2023 21:49

Changingplace · 20/12/2023 21:09

Wow the 1950s called, they want their sexist dating ideas back

Show quote history

As a rule, it is surely not sexist or 50s to keep doing your thing, without expecting a thing from anyone, while paying strictly no attention to low value behaviour (and let the trash take itself out fluidly)

He is either getting cold feet, or he did the cold feet test to see how she would react? Sorry to say but OP tore him kind of a new one... So, the guy knows that if, one day down the line, he 'misbehaves', that s what he ll go home to

For all these reasons, don t chase in dating.

  • If it s external circumstances that prevent whatever the plan was but he cares, as soon as he will be able to, he will get in touch, explain and apologise, and he shouldn t have to handle excessive frustration and expectations (like here for a maybe lunch break)
  • If he s just a no good, problem solved. You don t really know a guy before the 1y mark, anything can happen at any time, don t bother
  • If he is doing the test, he will get in touch, a bit contrite, a lot tamed
Letshopeitsagoodonewithoutanytear · 20/12/2023 21:54

Sorry op, but you seem like hard work 😬

goingtotown · 20/12/2023 21:58

Highlyflavouredgravy · 20/12/2023 21:24

If I was him, I would dump you

👍

Runninghappy · 20/12/2023 21:59

That’s an awful way to speak to someone. The first 3 months should be easy. There shouldn’t be game playing. If you wanted to ask if it’s still on, ask him. It shouldn’t be this hard. My advice is don’t send passive aggressive, sarcastic messages like that anymore and you might meet someone decent.

Alexavolumedown · 20/12/2023 22:05

You sound nutso OP. It’s like you waited until he didn’t message and then sent that PA text.

misssunshine4040 · 20/12/2023 22:06

I think you should have taken the hint.
Horrible as it is, he's not that into you.

Silence was your answer for lunch and you should have been done with him then. Instead you text him to tell him off for not texting you and now made yourself look like you give a damn.

It's been 12 weeks and no it's not the 1950's but the rules don't change

Clafoutie · 20/12/2023 22:08

It seems that you both have a communication style which is really not conducive to a healthy relationship. It doesn’t mean a relationship can’t be rescued, but passive agression and agression should be the first things to work on eliminating. It is so important that you’re both able to communicate what you’re feeling ( anger, disappointment, frustration, etc) directly and calmly. It isn’t easy but so, so important. I hope things improve for you OP.

KnittedPond · 20/12/2023 22:09

If this is the way you’re both communicating three months in, I’d call time on it. It doesn’t sound as if it’s working for either of you.

SD1978 · 20/12/2023 22:11

I don't think you covered yourself in flory with the passive aggressive nature of your messages. Every right to be annoyed if lunch was being arranged, and he specifically was to arrange it, although a 'fancy lunch' text could then be enacted by either party. Regardless, if you're at the game stage and there has been a decrease in contact, it doesn't sound like it's worth pursuing further

cornflakestoast · 20/12/2023 22:12

I think you are being a bit needy and full on. He doesn’t seem the type to be able to deal with that…but he might be? You guys need to talk properly about expectations and what you want from each other

SirCharlesRainier · 20/12/2023 22:14

Niggles and little misunderstandings are a part of any relationship, and your first text shows that you're not really able to address them in a grown-up manner. I'd be off if I were him. Which to be honest would suit you both, as you don't seem to like each other very much.

WavingCatsandDogs · 20/12/2023 22:18

Thing is, you did chase it up, it does matter.

Three months in, this is not going to get better.

QueenCamilla · 20/12/2023 22:18

With the contact fading and then the no-show at lunch... I'd have muted for the following few days. And maybe a message to close it for good if he'd been in touch in that time. Other than that there wasn't anything "right" to be said or done to make this relationship work.

supersop60 · 20/12/2023 22:19

'He's been very distant lately'
I think that says it all.
Yes you were PA in your texts, but your relationship is not in a place where you could say 'hey, are we still having lunch?'
Time to move on.

Nicole1111 · 20/12/2023 22:28

If this is the side of you this person brings out I would definitely suggest you extract yourself from it asap.

10HailMarys · 20/12/2023 22:29

You both sound obnoxious in those messages. You sound very passive-aggressive and over-reactive and he sounds defensive and chippy.

If you’re bickering like this after only three months, this relationship is not going to be healthy.

Charlize43 · 20/12/2023 22:33

I wouldn't have bothered him.

Promises of work lunches aren't something to hold onto as stuff often comes up during people's workday. I remember on somedays I'd only get 15 mins.

WorriedMum231 · 20/12/2023 22:38

You weren’t in the wrong at all. He was ignorant and rude. Why are you bothering with him?

PlaidCushionProductions · 20/12/2023 22:38

Awright? Are you dating Michael Barrymore? 🥴

Gravelshoveling · 20/12/2023 22:41

You sound passive aggressive.

Has be dumped you yet ?

MsRosley · 20/12/2023 22:41

Changingplace · 20/12/2023 21:09

Wow the 1950s called, they want their sexist dating ideas back

Show quote history

Unfortunately the 1950s is right. Men are invariably turned off by being chased.

MsRosley · 20/12/2023 22:43

supersop60 · 20/12/2023 22:19

'He's been very distant lately'
I think that says it all.
Yes you were PA in your texts, but your relationship is not in a place where you could say 'hey, are we still having lunch?'
Time to move on.

This. OP, if a bloke is distant, just leave him to it. He's clearly not that into you, and you deserve better. Hold out for a guy who is mad keen to date you and stop settling for second best.

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