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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you think of this conversation?

196 replies

jeezsolom · 20/12/2023 20:58

Been seeing a guy for three months. We are exclusive. He has been very distant lately but yesterday he suggested lunch on our lunch breaks. That was fine. He said he would text me today. Heard nothing all day so text thread goes like this -

Me - It was good to hear from you re lunch 👍

Him - Hellooo. I never got a minute today

Me - I’m sure you had a minute to let me know it wasn’t happening. Basic manners. Anyways doesn’t matter.

Him - Wait a minute lol, did you message me?

Me - You suggested lunch, said you’d let me know, then never did. Why would I message you to chase up? Especially when I've been planning most of the dates recently.

Him - name you know i have very busy days its rare that i have a day of leisure. you had a visit at 2 and in the office in the morning. I never stopped all day last job was at 4 and i came home as i had an hours drive is that awright with you?

Don't even know what to or whether to respond. Who is in the wrong here? It's the is that awright with you? So aggressive.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 20/12/2023 22:43

if you're in a relationship, why can't you have a conversation about it?

DontLeanOnTheKeyboard · 20/12/2023 22:44

Yikes, op. Very snippy and why didn’t you just check in? If it’s because you’ve been doing all the arranging….

he just ain’t that into you..

Starseeking · 20/12/2023 22:45

He should have messaged you during the day as he said he would.

Your opening message was really rude, and it went downhill from there.

If you're talking to each other like this at only 3 months in, I'd be surprised if this relationship lasts the distance.

KingsleyBorder · 20/12/2023 22:46

“anyways it doesn’t matter”

ha ha ha ha ha. It SO does matter.

pass Ag is not a good look OP.

on the other hand, “awright” would be a dumping offence in my book.

Be glad it’s over. Hope the next one can spell, but maybe try to be a bit nicer to him?

kimchio · 20/12/2023 22:52

ThinWomansBrain · 20/12/2023 22:43

if you're in a relationship, why can't you have a conversation about it?

It's hardly a relationship

GreyGoose1980 · 20/12/2023 22:53

You were passive aggressive OP but it was poor of him not to text you to let you know he could no longer make lunch. I think you reacted the way you did as his lack of effort confirmed your worries that the relationship was over. Block him and move on, no good will come of going over texts and conversations with him. If he wanted to make the effort he would have done.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/12/2023 22:57

goingtotown · 20/12/2023 21:17

You were sarcastic, did you want a row?

Yeah, I think you could have said
'Are you ok? Didnt hear from you about lunch!' Always assume good intent.

But if this keeps in happening.. do you want to be in a relationship where you have to chase someone to spend time with
You?

ChaniceKobolowski · 20/12/2023 22:58

Me - I’m sure you had a minute to let me know it wasn’t happening. Basic manners. Anyways doesn’t matter.

Rude.

Goldbar · 20/12/2023 23:04

Just bin him. New relationships shouldn't be this difficult and it sounds like you're not a priority.

Mylittlepea · 20/12/2023 23:04

Tbh at 3 months in if it’s going well you’ll be all loved up and can’t wait to see each other. No analysing of whether lunch is on or off, sending sarky messages etc.

move on & find someone who makes you happy 😍

BarelyCoping123 · 20/12/2023 23:08

I think you were rude OP. If I were him, I'd be pissed off by your messages

DriftingDrifter · 20/12/2023 23:11

As other posters have said, you haven't communicated well at all. If you hadn't firmed up plans, you could've texted yesterday "we still on for lunch tomorrow?". Why leave it until after the fact and then say "good to hear from you" and WHY follow it up with "anyways doesn't matter." When it clearly does. Just say "I thought we were going for lunch. I'm in a bad mood now because you appear to have forgotten all about it".

How old are you?

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 20/12/2023 23:15

You're a bit much OP. I'd drop you if I were him.

zombie0037 · 20/12/2023 23:16

You sound very needy, If I was the bloke you would dumped on the spot, get a grip.

HarryOHayandBettyOBarley · 20/12/2023 23:22

What age are you OP?

If I received a message like the initial one you sent, it would make me feel very uncomfortable.

Original poster
jeezsolom · 20/12/2023 23:24

As I've said, I've apologised. He said 'no need to apologise' but think I'll leave it there.

OP posts:
JoyeuxNarwhal · 20/12/2023 23:31

Your first message was well snarky! I wouldn't have replied to that.

If you can't communicate with each other the relationship is going nowhere.

Fullofxmascbeer · 20/12/2023 23:35

I don’t think what you said was bad. You clearly made your point. The only correct thing he should have done was apologised. And he didn’t!

Fullofxmascbeer · 20/12/2023 23:35

You shouldn’t have apologised.

Livelovebehappy · 20/12/2023 23:38

He instigated the meet up for lunch, and said he’d text you the following day, and didn’t. I’d be pretty annoyed with him too…..

babyproblems · 20/12/2023 23:39

He should’ve text you, agree yes rude.
Truth is men just do what they want.. he’s not as keen on you as you’re hoping and if he is, he’s not very forthcoming. Leave him be and let him do some of the work, off his own back. Don’t seek his reassurance, it will put him off. If you really like him you’ll never have a man who is really open imo. Is that a compromise you’re prepared to make? I suspect not and that you’re not a great match. Xx

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/12/2023 23:40

He didn't apologise, he gave excuses.

He's been distant recently.

Don't waste any more of your time !

Are you colleagues ? as I don't understand how he knows you are in the office in the Am then have a meeting at 2pm ?

flowerchild2000 · 20/12/2023 23:41

You were ghosted for your date. You had every right to be pissed and send a message expressing that. He was extremely rude. I think he takes you for granted, or just doesn't value you.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 20/12/2023 23:44

OP a 30 second txt “hey sorry snowed under ” have to rain check lunch . Call you later
Yes there was a better that you could have dealt with it but, if he cant put the effort in now ?

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 20/12/2023 23:45

jeezsolom · 20/12/2023 23:24

As I've said, I've apologised. He said 'no need to apologise' but think I'll leave it there.

He will be in touch after Xmas !

Bet you can’t wait . This is one for the bin