My daughter knows that everything is fake

[Krismuss]

I don’t know what has gone wrong here. My 3 year old daughter knows everything is fake. A few examples - I took her to see Santa - afterwards I asked if she enjoyed it and she said “yes, but it’s only pretend isn’t it?”
We went to Disneyland earlier this year and I said “wow look DD, a real princess castle!” And she said “silly mummy, it’s not real”. Same with the characters - she knew they were just people playing dress up.

Last week I took her to a party and “Elsa” was there. “Elsa” danced with her and when we got home I told DH that DD had been dancing with Elsa - DD said “not the real Elsa though, because it’s not real, only pretend”.

I said to her this morning “you best be good because Father Christmas is watching!” And she again said “it’s not real mummy”

she has no older siblings or relatives that would tell her this and she isn’t at school or nursery. Why doesn’t she believe in anything? :-( I feel like there is no point in doing the usual small child activities because she knows it’s all fake. Even at the Christmas market there were reindeers there and I said “I wonder which one is rudolf?” And she said “they’re just reindeers, none are rudolf”.

DH hasn’t told her anything is fake either, he’s as perplexed as I am. So not to drip feed she is on the waiting list for autism assessment, could this have something to do with it?

I don't know the reason, but having had to gently break the news about Santa and the tooth fairy to my devastated 11yo I'd say you're onto a good thing OP.

I knew it was all fake and I am not autistic. Some kids are just like that but for me it didn't take away any of the magic of events like Xmas. I'm almost 40 amd still love Xmas!
She will find out eventually so as long as its not putting a dampener on things just make it like your little secret she can't tell others so not to ruin it for those who do believe in it.

I'm not sure if it's connected but I'm autistic and never believed in any of that stuff either.

She's just insightful, that's all. There's nothing wrong with being able to see past the pretence, in fact it's a trait that will stand her in good stead throughout her life. Just explain to her, yes it's pretend but sometimes it's fun to make-believe.

Also you say 'gone wrong' in your post.... nothing has gone wrong it sounds like your daughter is well loved! It's not wrong she knows the truth please don't feel bad about this

It sounds like she is quite bright and inquisitive - I'm not sure why you feel sad that she is so wise! She can still enjoy the magic of Christmas.

Maybe she "knows" the only real father Christmas is busy in Lapland and then delivering presents on Christmas Eve, that's why someone else dresses up for the parties!

Yes I agree you need to reframe this. Your intelligent daughter is about 5 years ahead of the curve, that’s ok! And she can still enjoy the pretence just as adults and older children do!

I knew it was all fake, I don't know why I just did. But that doesn't mean I didn't still enjoy the magic of Christmas, it just meant I knew the random Santa at the school Christmas party was just a man

I think that it is fairly normal (as in within the expected range) at 4 or 5 to start asking questions or to be sceptical about what are, in truth, absurd stories about Santa, fairies, etc. So your daughter is a bit advanced. I gather that around 11 is the other end of the range, which, I must admit surprises me a bit. As far as I know, I am neurotypical, as are my 2 kids, and none of us ever really 'believed' in Santa or fairies, elves, pixies, etc.

There is certainly still a point to enjoying all the Xmas fun!
My 5 year old loves the elf on a shelf, but she knows it's a cuddly toy and mummy and daddy do the 'mischeif'! We still do it.

Ha ha! I love the sound of her!! I could never really do Disney or cartoons! I like realism! Also couldn't do religion. As long as its not you saying this to her- what can you do??? I would still go through the motions for now, just so you can live with yourself if she starts putting it on you when she's a grumpy teen!!

Exactly this. Not believing doesn't mean she's devoid of imagination or anything's wrong. And if she enjoyed seeing someone dressed up as Father Christmas and getting a present why does it matter if she knows it's someone in a costume?

She sounds very smart!

Just accept that’s how she is, and have conversations on the level she wants to have them and be grateful

Why is it an issue? And I find the 'be good or santa won't come' a bit creepy in a way

My child stopped believing ages ago with santa but still goes along with the tradition, we do silly traditions and everyone plays along but whatever they actually want to believe is up to them

A lot of children know it’s fake but like to play along. Some do wholeheartedly believe. Nothing wrong with either so I don’t think there is anything for you to be worried about.

She's smart and insightful.

However, it might be a plan to start teaching her about protecting other's feelings, as although she's only disappointing you at the moment, you don't really want her to be the reality check kid telling all of Reception Santa's not real - or declaring that religion is nonsense either in school or to somebody whose parent has died that their Daddy isn't in Heaven, silly, there's no such thing.

I totally understand why you're asking, but from an outsider perspective your daughter sounds incredible, I love this! (maybe don't ask her "Does mummy look nice?" as you're heading out the door, just in case?)

Your daughter is highly intelligent and not easily hoodwinked. That’s a good thing. She questions stuff and thinks it through.

Nothing's going wrong.

I think you need to stop making comparisons, and enjoy the child you have even when they're not doing what you think they should when you think they should.

It would have really helped me if someone had hammered that home to me in the first few years of parenthood

I never believed in all of this stuff but still enjoyed Christmas etc. still do today, don't you?

At three mine was the same. Now at 9 and a half she fully believes in Santa, the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. I don't remember when the shift happened. Am expecting to have to be one of those parents who has to sit her down for an awkward conversation before she heads off to secondary school!

Just keep going along. She might change or she might not. If she doesn't, you'll save a fortune in Santa visits!

My daughter is autistic and was exactly like that at 5, she’d figured it all out earlier I think but asked me at 5.

It’s ok you can still do all those things if she enjoys them, they are just logical little kids who see through all that stuff. My daughter would prefer to do all the cooking/baking/art things around Christmas rather than see a Santa, find out what your daughter prefers.

Your biggest challenge now is getting her to not tell all the other kids when she starts school. We had to have a conversation about not spoiling it for the children who believed. I didn’t want any angry schools mum’s on my doorstep! Good luck!!

My kids all know it’s fake as well and also did from a very young age. Knew Santa was fake by 4/5 it amazes me when people say their 11 year olds still believe as mine knew from so young that we never really got the magic of Santa! I found one of those Santa apps where you add them by the tree and my kids instantly knew it was fake and said so. Yet I hear other kids apparently falling for it till they are almost teenagers?! Don’t know if it’s related but mine are autistic diagnosed.

All Santas are fake! (Apart from the one in Selfridges). Wise words from my mum in 1963. He's real, the rest are helpers.

I never told my dc stuff was 'real'. It was just magical. My 2 year old never thought for a moment that the disney castle was real, I think we underestimate their intelligence.