My daughter knows that everything is fake

[Krismuss]

I don’t know what has gone wrong here. My 3 year old daughter knows everything is fake. A few examples - I took her to see Santa - afterwards I asked if she enjoyed it and she said “yes, but it’s only pretend isn’t it?”
We went to Disneyland earlier this year and I said “wow look DD, a real princess castle!” And she said “silly mummy, it’s not real”. Same with the characters - she knew they were just people playing dress up.

Last week I took her to a party and “Elsa” was there. “Elsa” danced with her and when we got home I told DH that DD had been dancing with Elsa - DD said “not the real Elsa though, because it’s not real, only pretend”.

I said to her this morning “you best be good because Father Christmas is watching!” And she again said “it’s not real mummy”

she has no older siblings or relatives that would tell her this and she isn’t at school or nursery. Why doesn’t she believe in anything? :-( I feel like there is no point in doing the usual small child activities because she knows it’s all fake. Even at the Christmas market there were reindeers there and I said “I wonder which one is rudolf?” And she said “they’re just reindeers, none are rudolf”.

DH hasn’t told her anything is fake either, he’s as perplexed as I am. So not to drip feed she is on the waiting list for autism assessment, could this have something to do with it?

Nothing has gone wrong, she is just very sharp and insightful. Why are you having her assessed for autism? Is it purely because of not believing in certain Christmas things because if it is that, then that's rather unfair on your daughter - she sounds very insightful. Don't label her if there is no need to do so.

It sounds like she's perceptive. This is a great quality - don't mess it up by contradicting her when she's spot on. It will be a great asset to her when she's older.

My eldest told me he knew it was fake aged 5. I'd not wanted to go all in with it but liked the magic of Father Christmas, so he always knew that his Dad and I bought most of the gifts but that Santa bought the stocking gifts

He'd been sceptical all along, mainly about why some kids got all their gifts from FC and he and his little brother didn't. I told him it was something we had to sign up for when he was born. Ie, all parents get a form at the hospital and we had to tick and sign who would buy the gifts - us or FC.

We said we had decided we'd buy everything bar the stocking gifts, so that the less fortunate got FC gifts. But once he started nursery, two of his wealthier mates got all their gifts from Father Christmas and the questions intensified.

He questioned the disparity in gift giving between households. He questioned the logistics of delivering all the gifts and questioned those households with radiators and not a fire place . What finally did it for him was seeing that special Christmas sellotape was on our gifts and FC's. The boy has a mind like a trap and did not appreciate the extended lie.

I had to think fast, so I explained that he was right, to an extent. That the truth is "everyone is Father Christmas" once they understand.
That "Father Christmas" is about the spirit of spreading happiness and joy by giving thoughtful gifts to those people special to you or those who have little. And that you make it especially special for those who believe in the idea of Father Christmas by keeping the magic alive.

I told him that he was now a Father Christmas and he had to choose one special gift for someone he knew and then a special gift for a child in need. He also had a special duty to keep the spirit of Christmas alive for the little ones and for those in need.

He loved this idea. It was palatable to him and helped him accept and understand the 'lie' because it was, in a way, truthful.

I never believed in Santa and neither did any of my kids, it’s still magical and this meant I didn’t have to buy into all the nonsense around Xmas.

I'm going to make some guesses: Does your daughter play with teddies or dolls? Cars or trains? I guess she does. When she does, does she run to you and tell you how dolly has pooped, or teddy is hungry, or the cars and trains have "vroom-vroomed" to a different city or place? I guess she does that too. And I bet you don't say "don't be silly love, lumps of plastic can't travel, be hungry, eat, pee, or poop" I bet you enter into her game and "burp" dolly, "feed" teddy or hear about the magical travels of the vehicles. Why then is it so hard to enter in to her imaginary Santa? The magical one which she knows is just as much of her imagination, but just as "real" to her, as the need to clean dolly's poo, sate her teddy's hunger, or follow her car's journeys. Instead of worrying about your "real or fake" which your girl has left behind, enjoy her "pretend" which she is very much in!

Your kid is brilliant. I’d be grateful you don’t need to be the person to break the news one day. My daughter is 14, autistic and only this year has concluded quietly that Santa isn’t real. I dreaded that conversation but something clicked

Maybe, one of mine has never believed (also autistic)