My daughter knows that everything is fake

[Krismuss]

I don’t know what has gone wrong here. My 3 year old daughter knows everything is fake. A few examples - I took her to see Santa - afterwards I asked if she enjoyed it and she said “yes, but it’s only pretend isn’t it?”
We went to Disneyland earlier this year and I said “wow look DD, a real princess castle!” And she said “silly mummy, it’s not real”. Same with the characters - she knew they were just people playing dress up.

Last week I took her to a party and “Elsa” was there. “Elsa” danced with her and when we got home I told DH that DD had been dancing with Elsa - DD said “not the real Elsa though, because it’s not real, only pretend”.

I said to her this morning “you best be good because Father Christmas is watching!” And she again said “it’s not real mummy”

she has no older siblings or relatives that would tell her this and she isn’t at school or nursery. Why doesn’t she believe in anything? :-( I feel like there is no point in doing the usual small child activities because she knows it’s all fake. Even at the Christmas market there were reindeers there and I said “I wonder which one is rudolf?” And she said “they’re just reindeers, none are rudolf”.

DH hasn’t told her anything is fake either, he’s as perplexed as I am. So not to drip feed she is on the waiting list for autism assessment, could this have something to do with it?

Oh dear I never said it is the only sign of brightness🌞 All I meant was OP not to worry about her child just because of this ' specific thought'. And if your 9 year old enjoys quantum superposition that is a great thing too. At the end of the day, who are we to judge other kids? You know your child better than anyone else. Peace ✌️

Oh dear I never said it is the only sign of brightness🌞 All I meant was OP not to worry about her child just because of this ' specific thought'. And if your 9 year old enjoys quantum superposition that is a great thing too. At the end of the day, who are we to judge other kids? You know your child better than anyone else. Peace ✌️

Does she know anything about gender?

Sorry @Forgetandforgive1 , I singled you out unfairly there. I’m just finding it a bit frustrating that so many posters are not just reassuring OP that there’s nothing wrong with her DD knowing things are fake, but strongly implying that she’s intellectually superior for doing so. There’s the poster who said kids who believed in Santa were “simple”, the poster who’s glad her kids are scientific and don’t go in for any silly pretend nonsense, the general implication that a logical child must be cleverer than one who is fantasy-prone - or that believing in Santa beyond the age of three makes you incapable of critical thought. Would we see the same implications on a thread about religion…?

Can't believe I just found this article - https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/dec/22/psychologists-pinpoint-age-when-children-become-sceptical-about-santa-claus

OP your daughter is perfectly normal!

Children stop believing Santa anytime from 3 to 15.

What do you mean?

Reugny, I agree with the psychologists, I did not believe in Father Christmas after the age of three, much to the chagrin of my mother :-). I still thought Christmas was special though.

Hee hee, I think the poster was being tongue-in-cheek. Her remark certainly made me smile.

Tbf it's a really good characteristic that she can naturally see though the smoke and mirrors and not believe people's lies. It'll serve her well in life. You can still have fun, there's no reason to stop that.

I always told my DCs the FCs you see out and about are not real, just people dressed up. The real one was far too busy to sit in your local shopping mall.

DS is autistic and believes things unquestioningly. I thought he'd find out through other children - but eventually had to tell him in Year 8. I also had to come clean about the tooth fairy. Felt awful....... (but not that bad - he was fine and hasn't been scarred for life, before anyone starts)!

DD sounds fab and there are lots of lovely Christmas activities you can do that don't require a belief in magic/Santa. Be glad you don't have to keep up the pretence!

Only thing I would say is to be wary of her spoiling things for other, more credulous children - she sounds pretty advanced for 3 so can you get her to understand that other children believe these things are real, and that they enjoy that and would feel sad if told it was all pretend?

Good on her.
I outed the Santa who came to visit at nursery when I was 3. I could see he was different to the one I'd met at Selfridges and worked out that the whole thing wasn't real.
The nursery staff hustled me out of the room so fast when I announced it to all the kids.
And my parents made me swear not to tell my older cousins!
As a result I've always liked that DS believes, but DH who is a psychotherapist made me promise not to lie directly to DS and instead say "some people believe" etc as he thinks it can break a bond of trust for some children when they find their parents have lied to them...

Does she have a view on gender identity? :))

I don’t think so 😂 I’ll ask her tomorrow but I’m pretty sure she’ll look at me like I have grown two heads 🤣

Re - the autism diagnosis , I would think it’s got a lot to do with thaat

my DD is 17 now, with ASD, and told me the same sort of things at age 4 😬

My 5 year old is the same. Shes told me this year that any santa she has seen is 'just a man in a suit'. I think she still believes there is a real santa ect. But shes not 100 % convinced but does seem to believe some of the magic.
But then i said to dh tonight that its funny in a way, we drum it into kids to be weary of strangers ect. And then here we are encouraging them to believe a man is going to come in the house at night whilst we sleeping and leave presents lol

Some kids are just better at sniffing out lies than others. I was like this as well. I didn't really understand why the grown ups made all this stuff up. Still don't!

My son (now nearly 11) never believed in anything & absolutely NO imagination.
If I tried to do anything 'make believe' he'd call it out straight away.
He is now very scientific, loves maths & is on a program for gifted children (physics, engineering etc).
He's always has this kind of mind and I just think make believe never worked in his logical mind.

I would let it bother me OP. Your daughter sees things as they are, she sounds pretty ahead of the game to me.

I don't remember believing in anything, I do remember enjoying the pretend!

Hotheadedredhead I have a similar DS, and I’m a bit like that too (I do have an imagination but hate make-believe games). Me and DS did a lot of Lego and long chats about how everything works.

Then my very different DD came along and I had to play doctors and nurses and being a cat/horse etc. I’m glad to be past that stage!

She's sounds like my kind of person good for her!

I’m autistic and as a child I never really believed. I had questions immediately. I never really got into make believe or magic. It’s okay! Because I still loved Christmas, love Christmas today, it never needed Santa to be special. The decorations and the lights are my favourite thing. I have gotten into it every single year, even as an adult on my own. I love wrapping gifts and giving them too. I definitely love Christmas more than my other friends.

So I’d say do all the activities, get into all the stuff unless she tells you that she isn’t enjoying it.

Congratulations on having a super-smart daughter!

I think you're daughter has been here before lol. I wouldn't worry about the disbelief, some kids just don't believe. Have a lovely Christmas

Even before I read the whole post I thought to myself, she's autistic! Autistic people are so knowing and bright, they suss things out so easily. Just make the best of it and I'm sure she'll enjoy in her own way. 😊