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Original poster

My daughter knows that everything is fake

307 replies

Krismuss · 20/12/2023 09:48

I don’t know what has gone wrong here. My 3 year old daughter knows everything is fake. A few examples - I took her to see Santa - afterwards I asked if she enjoyed it and she said “yes, but it’s only pretend isn’t it?”
We went to Disneyland earlier this year and I said “wow look DD, a real princess castle!” And she said “silly mummy, it’s not real”. Same with the characters - she knew they were just people playing dress up.

Last week I took her to a party and “Elsa” was there. “Elsa” danced with her and when we got home I told DH that DD had been dancing with Elsa - DD said “not the real Elsa though, because it’s not real, only pretend”.

I said to her this morning “you best be good because Father Christmas is watching!” And she again said “it’s not real mummy”

she has no older siblings or relatives that would tell her this and she isn’t at school or nursery. Why doesn’t she believe in anything? :-( I feel like there is no point in doing the usual small child activities because she knows it’s all fake. Even at the Christmas market there were reindeers there and I said “I wonder which one is rudolf?” And she said “they’re just reindeers, none are rudolf”.

DH hasn’t told her anything is fake either, he’s as perplexed as I am. So not to drip feed she is on the waiting list for autism assessment, could this have something to do with it?

OP posts:
SnapdragonToadflax · 20/12/2023 11:02

My son wasn't having any of it either, he's always said 'It's not real' to people dressed up (Santa, Paw Patrol character at party etc). The only one he did seem to believe in was the Gruffalo! But he was only just 3 then. I think he believes in the Santa that delivers presents at Christmas still (he's nearly 5), but not entirely sure whether he really does believe or just wants to.

He's a very thoughtful, logical little boy and now I know what he's like as an older child, I'm not in the slightest bit surprised he wasn't convinced when he was 3.

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/12/2023 11:02

Nothing has gone wrong. She sounds very intelligent. I realised Santa wasn't real when I was 6 but there wasn't all the Disney Princess crap then.

Redwineislife · 20/12/2023 11:02

My girls are 4, they know the Santa they visit is pretend and the lady dressed as Elsa isn’t the real one…but they do believe the concept of Santa and Elsa from Frozen are real. I am going along with the magic for as long as they’ll let me 😍

LentilFaculties · 20/12/2023 11:02

I loved stockings as a kid so continued that tradition (that they are filled by Father Christmas) but always thought it was fairly obvious all the Father Christmases seen around the place are people dressing up. I don't think that spoils the magic too much.

I also think it's great to leave avenues for kids to slowly work it all out for themselves. Questions can easily be returned with "well what do you think?" I grew up poor so it was actually good to work out for myself at roughly age 8 that my stocking was from my parents. Otherwise, why did Father Christmas give my friends so much more expensive stuff than I got?!

UnAutreNom · 20/12/2023 11:03

Neither my three-year-old daughter, nor my eight-year-old son believe in or have ever believed in such things as Santa. They are perfectly happy and excited in the run-up to Christmas and have excitedly attended many Christmas markets first person that plays and visited Santa without ever believing any of it is anything but pretend. I am so proud of them and I am so proud that neither of them have had to be sat down and explained anything at all because they have inquisitive minds and do their own insightful thinking. It sounds like you’ve got a similar child, and I’d be very proud of her!

cerisepanther73 · 20/12/2023 11:03

@Krismuss
Sounds like your daughter is a wise soul in young body child,

she can still enjoy Christmas very much so

she is hardly going to say don't buy me any gifts at all i don't want them is she
L.o.l she is smart enough to go along with all the make believe too

She reminds me of my intelligent daughter too who's grown up now,

Who is she following with her intelligence then 🤔 in her family ?

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 20/12/2023 11:06

I might be bring really stupid now but do people actually think those things are real?

Like... I know when you go to disneyland you say "oh look its Mickey" but everyone knows it's just a costume don't they? Noone thinks it's actually Mickey the cartoon Mouse. I know as a child I thought it was just costumes but it's fun to see the people pretending and you just go along with the game of it.

Topseyt123 · 20/12/2023 11:06

Nothing has "gone wrong" at all. You just have an amazing DD who, autistic or not, is showing good powers of critical thinking despite her tender age.

I like your DD. 😃 I suspect that the main problem you will have will be preventing her from blurting it out to other children when she goes to school.

Turquoise123 · 20/12/2023 11:07

Hello there, I wanted to share that the total belief in Father Christmas is pretty new. My generation did not , in the main, really believe it was true - we all “went along “ but no we did not believe e that one old man went around the world in one night . There seems to be so much pressure around Christmas now. Your daughter sounds pretty smart and , like we all did, has worked things out. Go her!

MrsC09 · 20/12/2023 11:07

I’m planning on purposely making a few mistakes with Santa presents this year as my 11 year old still believes. She has an older brother too! Never expected her to believe for this long.

RudsyFarmer · 20/12/2023 11:08

I think some children are very matter of fact and make believe requires a level of suspended thinking they don’t have. They hat certainly can feed into being on the spectrum but is certainly not an indicator alone.

cerisepanther73 · 20/12/2023 11:08

@Krismuss

I like your daughter too😊

5128gap · 20/12/2023 11:09

My DD would say things like that. I'd just reply 'oh do you think so? I thought that was the real Elsa' or 'I was sure that really was Micky because he does live here at Disney' sometimes she'd say 'No, silly mummy'. Other times she'd accept it. She has always adored the magic though.

mibbelucieachwell · 20/12/2023 11:09

Both my DC were the same OP. They still had a huge sense of fun and throroughly enjoyed Christmas. And still do.

Keep it under your hat, but Santa comes to non-believers too. With just as much stuff. It's all good.

NewShoes · 20/12/2023 11:10

I never believed in Santa either. Actually until I had children myself I didn’t really think that anyone actually believed it was real- I thought it was all a game of pretend that everyone played together! I don’t think there’s anything to worry about and it isn’t such a bad thing that she sees through it all.

WonderLife · 20/12/2023 11:15

She can still enjoy all the little kid stuff without literally believing it's real.

Children don't actually believe that the local princess party lady is the literal real Elsa, or that the man in a Mickey Mouse costume is a real giant talking mouse - they are just fully committing to playing the game.

Some children are just less committed to the imaginary game. One of mine doesn't play imagination games at all.

PieAndLattes · 20/12/2023 11:15

I don’t think anyone believes Disneyland is ‘real’. I always knew the characters weren’t real princesses and princes and Mickey Mouse wasn’t an actual talking mouse. My DD is similar to yours. She’s 17 now, not autistic but doesn’t have a wild imagination like me. Much prefers factual books and current affairs in contrast to my love of fantasy fiction and imaginary worlds. She’s just very bright and interested in the world around her so she delves a bit deeper than most.

Christmasbrie · 20/12/2023 11:16

Children are just all different, as we are as adults. DS used to say everything was pretend or fake and then strangely when he was a bit older (4/5) he started being more of a believer! I don't think it suggests much really, just adapt.

OhwhyOY · 20/12/2023 11:16

I was like this as a small child and found it distressing when adults lied about things which were very obviously untrue. I still loved Christmas etc though, you can just make it a different kind of magic - about togetherness, isn't it fun to pretend X to make others smile, look at all the beautiful lights etc.

Someone on here when talking about telling kids the truth about santa suggested telling the kids in a really positive, exciting way that once you're old enough you get let in on the secret that everyone is santander. You encourage the child to 'be santa' and give someone else a thoughtful gift without saying who it's from e.g. old neighbour lady always in her house with bare feet some nice slippers. If she is old enough to have enough empathy to enjoy that that could also be an option.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 20/12/2023 11:17

My dd calls all the fake Santa “mascots” as the real is too busy to come.

Dh told me a story today of when Santa visited his primary school and when he walked in all the kids said “that’s Liams dad!!” 😂

enchantedsquirrelwood · 20/12/2023 11:17

I was the opposite - I thought Father Christmas had to exist because my parents couldn't afford the presents I got. Turned out that my mum saved hard and is good at making money elastic (she still is).

Anyway I met him in Lapland when I was 18, so know that one is real Grin

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 20/12/2023 11:17

That was me.

Astute.

Wimpeyspread · 20/12/2023 11:17

Your daughter sounds very switched on. I’ve never understood why parents get so hung up on children believing in the ‘magic’ - why lie to them?

Angrycat2768 · 20/12/2023 11:17

Krismuss · 20/12/2023 09:48

I don’t know what has gone wrong here. My 3 year old daughter knows everything is fake. A few examples - I took her to see Santa - afterwards I asked if she enjoyed it and she said “yes, but it’s only pretend isn’t it?”
We went to Disneyland earlier this year and I said “wow look DD, a real princess castle!” And she said “silly mummy, it’s not real”. Same with the characters - she knew they were just people playing dress up.

Last week I took her to a party and “Elsa” was there. “Elsa” danced with her and when we got home I told DH that DD had been dancing with Elsa - DD said “not the real Elsa though, because it’s not real, only pretend”.

I said to her this morning “you best be good because Father Christmas is watching!” And she again said “it’s not real mummy”

she has no older siblings or relatives that would tell her this and she isn’t at school or nursery. Why doesn’t she believe in anything? :-( I feel like there is no point in doing the usual small child activities because she knows it’s all fake. Even at the Christmas market there were reindeers there and I said “I wonder which one is rudolf?” And she said “they’re just reindeers, none are rudolf”.

DH hasn’t told her anything is fake either, he’s as perplexed as I am. So not to drip feed she is on the waiting list for autism assessment, could this have something to do with it?

My DS1was like this when he was little. I was sure he didn't believe in Santa, because he used to look at me very sceptical and just say ' yes OK mummy!' Then as he got older he went along with it more, and now as he got older I occasionally asked him if he believes in Santa/ tooth fairy etc as he hasn't specifically said ' I don't believe it' (unlike his brother, who truly believed until he didn't) and he says ' I can neither confirm or deny'

Christmasbrie · 20/12/2023 11:18

WonderLife · 20/12/2023 11:15

She can still enjoy all the little kid stuff without literally believing it's real.

Children don't actually believe that the local princess party lady is the literal real Elsa, or that the man in a Mickey Mouse costume is a real giant talking mouse - they are just fully committing to playing the game.

Some children are just less committed to the imaginary game. One of mine doesn't play imagination games at all.

I dont know, some do I think. I went to Disney land when I was young and thought I'd met tigger! I wasn't upset when I realised I hadn't actually, I still cherish it as a lovely memory. I do agree though that children can enjoy things just as much without believing they're true. It's just one example of how parenting should adapt to the child and not take a one size fits all approach.