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AIBU?

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Original poster

Night out. Husband mad

192 replies

Slowlygoingmadcontinuously · 20/12/2023 01:23

So tonight I went out to the pub with some school mums. Wasn’t a secret, told husband I was going. Had a lovely time and was quite happy coming home. Got home to be confronted with husband standing waiting and shouting at me that youngest child wasn’t in bed as I was still out. Told him he is also the parent so surely it was his responsibility to put youngest to bed when he knew the situation. Totally ruined my night out and I’m angry at myself for getting upset as I feel like he should have taken responsibility and put our youngest (5th child so would hope he got a grip of it by now) to bed?!

OP posts:
PossumintheHouse · 20/12/2023 01:27

Have you only recently got back and youngest is still up? Why is he incapable of putting youngest to bed? Or is this a ‘punishment’ because you’ve come back much later than promised?

Original poster
Slowlygoingmadcontinuously · 20/12/2023 01:36

No I was back over 2 hours ago so put youngest to bed and then I’ve been sitting here wondering if it’s me at fault. I think you may be right and he sees this as a punishment for me. 🙄

OP posts:
randomusername2020 · 20/12/2023 01:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

PossumintheHouse · 20/12/2023 01:38

You aren’t. Is he usually like this when you dare to go on a night out?

CustardySergeant · 20/12/2023 01:39

Well, presumably you asked him why he didn't put the child to bed, didn't you? He knew you were out so what was he thinking?

Original poster
Slowlygoingmadcontinuously · 20/12/2023 01:44

i asked why he didn’t do it and he said, “Oh they wouldn’t go as they were waiting for you” Lot of nonsense, know for a fact he didn’t even try as they crashed out as soon as I put them to bed. He doesn’t do any parenting if I’m honest. He always moans that he’s too tired as he works full time. I also work 5 days a week all be it part time but am utterly exhausted as I also do all the housework and was really looking forward to this one night out. Angry at myself for letting him spoil it.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 20/12/2023 01:45

Is he usually so useless and pathetic at parenting? Why was he totally incapable of shepherding his child off to bed?

I don't think you did anything wrong. He sounds like an arse.

Geppili · 20/12/2023 01:53

Weaponised incompetence in not getting kid to bed.
Trying to punish you for daring to have a life. Nasty.

Ablondiebutagoody · 20/12/2023 01:56

Of course he should have. No question. You should go out more often, he obviously needs the practice

crumblingschools · 20/12/2023 01:57

Has he been like this with all 5 children?

Original poster
Slowlygoingmadcontinuously · 20/12/2023 02:04

Yes but to be honest they are all quite close in age so I didn’t have time to go out. It’s only now I’m finding the time and energy.

OP posts:
Galectable · 20/12/2023 02:14

Five children is a lot to manage. If you've been doing most of it on your own you need a long chat to your DH about sharing the load. To be honest the chat should have happened with #1 - to get to five and he's still leaving most of it to you makes me wonder what else you're not talking about. Good luck!

randomusername2020 · 20/12/2023 02:21

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

mottytotty · 20/12/2023 02:44

He’s a lazy twat. What does he add to your life?

telestrations · 20/12/2023 03:04

He's trying nip your new found time, energy and inclination in the bud before you might flourish into someone with a pinch of a life outside the home, work and wifely duties.

And he's essentially threatening/punishing you with (his) non/bad parenting

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/12/2023 03:18

telestrations · 20/12/2023 03:04

He's trying nip your new found time, energy and inclination in the bud before you might flourish into someone with a pinch of a life outside the home, work and wifely duties.

And he's essentially threatening/punishing you with (his) non/bad parenting

Yep this.

How dare you go out and have a life?!

He is chronically insecure as he knows that he is a lazy waste of space piece of shit. He knows you can do better, but he doesnt want you finding that out, so he is making your life hell for going out and having fun in order that you dont do it again.

He is using the only thing he has against you, the kids. So he actively hurt his youngest child b7 depriving them of sleep (against the Geneva Convention by the way.....think about that) in order to teach you never to go out again. Get rid ASAP. I do not agree that you should go out more as his abusive behaviour will only get worse if you do.

Seriously, this is the absolute thinnest end of the wedge, stay (and say to yourself that I am exaggerating) and every single time you go out he will ramp it up. Or, more likely, you will be invited out and think to yourself that its not worth the hassle, and in few months you will be totally isolated. No friends, no social life, nothing. Kids, work, housework, him. That will be it.

RUN.

SnapdragonToadflax · 20/12/2023 03:22

What a useless man, how unattractive it would be to know he can't cope with managing bedtime. I can't imagine why you've had five children with him, I'd have had the ick as soon as I realised he couldn't handle one.

Does he add anything to your life?

PBandJ111 · 20/12/2023 05:34

Sorry but wtf is your dh doing? He can’t parent, is nasty to you… why tolerate this?

terraced · 20/12/2023 05:45

How useless of him. You've done nothing wrong.

Pepperama · 20/12/2023 06:01

I can see why he can’t donut every day if he’s working full time but leave him to do bed times 2-3 days a week. I’d say something like ‘clearly the situation where I can’t go out because they’re not used to you doing bedtime won’t work now they’re getting a bit older. I need to be free to go to gym/hobbies/see friends, parents evenings etc or eventually take up full time work again in which case we need to share equally. So important that the kids see you as an equal parent. Two nights a week and you are in charge of plans for Saturdays.

ThePoetsWife · 20/12/2023 06:06

Then he needs to parent his DC on a regular basis - he could take in turns to put them to bed.

rainbowstardrops · 20/12/2023 06:06

Yet another useless man who manages to make babies but makes no effort to parent them. What do you see in him?

2jacqi · 20/12/2023 06:12

@Slowlygoingmadcontinuously when did you put your sixth child to bed?????

Hoglet70 · 20/12/2023 06:16

What a knob!

autienotnaughty · 20/12/2023 06:17

You need to be angry at him for failing to parent correctly .

I would be having a word with him this morning telling him he's out of order and he should be ashamed that after (5 children he can't manage a few hours parenting and actually it speaks volumes about how little parenting he does.

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