Night out. Husband mad

[Slowlygoingmadcontinuously]

So tonight I went out to the pub with some school mums. Wasn’t a secret, told husband I was going. Had a lovely time and was quite happy coming home. Got home to be confronted with husband standing waiting and shouting at me that youngest child wasn’t in bed as I was still out. Told him he is also the parent so surely it was his responsibility to put youngest to bed when he knew the situation. Totally ruined my night out and I’m angry at myself for getting upset as I feel like he should have taken responsibility and put our youngest (5th child so would hope he got a grip of it by now) to bed?!

Echoing everyone else, he's pathetic. I couldn't have children with a man who considers parenting wife-work. Kick him into touch OP.

Book a week off just for you at a spa. That’ll learn him.

@bonzaitree Truly. 'Weaponised incompetence' is a brilliant phrase. I'm going to be thinking about that all day.

Do you need this man In your life?

I hope you have some effective contraception, although he sounds deeply unattractive anyway. Some men use reproductive coercion to keep women where they want them.

You're angry with the wrong person, OP.

Maybe there's something else going on and he's upset about something that he hasn't told you and he doesn't know how to express it, so he acted in this way. I'd sit down calmly and have a chat with him, after all he's your husband and father of your 5 children. As to be expected from mumsnet the answer to be expected from a lot of users regardless of the problem is separation and divorce, unless your husband is being physically abusing and a threat to your lives which I don't think it's the case don't listen, mumsnet is a bucket of crabs when it comes to marital advice and you'll ruin your life and your children's. As I said, have a chat because I think there's more going on.

YANBU.
If you can find a quiet moment (difficult with 5DC) I think you need to have a conversation with your DH about why what he did is not OK on you or the DC.
They are his DC, he is not 'babysitting' or 'helping you' nor is he incapable of putting them to bed or cooking a meal or running the hoover round. You are supposed to be a family team, everyone chips in, both parents are entitled to a night off occasionally. Good luck OP.

I'd suggest that many men don't pull their weight fully, but if there is a bare f-ing minimum that we should do it is to encourage and enable our partners to have the occasional night out, and not punish them for the temerity of having 3 hours away from parental responsibility.

YANBU regarding the might out. You did nothing wrong.

But shame on you for having 5 children with a useless fucker. That’s all on you.

I have a two year old and an 11 month old.

I went out to a Christmas Party last night and got back home at 1:30am.

My kids were in bed because my husband put them to bed because he is a competent parent.

How dare he? This is disgusting behaviour. He should have been asking you how your night was and reminding you to take a glass of water to bed for the morning.

I'd see this as a massive wake-up call to change everything at home. His lack of parenting, his controlling attitude to you, his absence of gratitude or kindness.

I wouldn't even let last night derail events. Tell him things are going to change and mean it.

So, you went out boozing with your mates, probably talking to men, whilst he, after a long day at work had to come home and parent your children? Poor man. Tell him we'll put together for a tiny little violin for him.

Sounds to me like you need to go out more often OP so he can learn how to look after his kids, and he Def needs practise putting youngest down every night he's home in time.

Time for a chat about redistribution of labour. Time it wasn't all on you.

Echoing everyone else OP...he's ridiculous. A 'father' to 5 children? But too tired to 'parent' because he works fulltime?! wtf?!

You need to sit him down and tell him he needs to pull his bloody socks up and be a fulltime parent, the way you've been since the first one was born.

Pathetic and immature behaviour is so unattractive in a man.

This 100%.
Couldn’t control you having a night out so used your child.

Abuse is more than physical @0MammaBear0.

Is this a blended family? If you split would you split the kids.

If not, I’m struggling to understand why anyone would have 5 kids with someone who doesn’t look after them at all.

Not nice or good at all, I had this from my exP. Used to be checking my phone constantly incase he contacted me.
Amongst various other things.

I did have a thought if there are other things that he has done. And how he managed to get you to have 5 kids, or did you want them and he was happy to go along with it.

I was wondering about this too.
OP was he the driver for so many children so quickly?
I'd be expecting him to suggest a sixth, so he can get you back at home where he can control you better.

Has he always been a horrible controlling prick, or is this a new development?

He is a fucking parent. It's not your fault if he can't get your kids to go to bed. Maybe they were a complete nightmare that evening, but so what? That doesn't mean you were in the wrong for going out.

I think he now needs practice putting them to bed his job for a while then now. Absolutely ridiculous and is definitely a play to make it "too difficult" for you to go and live your own life etc.

LTB

I mean honestly, why carry on to have FIVE children with a man who doesn’t help, and is verging on abusive. Words fail me

And no responsibility on op part? 5 kids just appeared and she didn't know? Why did she keep having kids with a useless man and then complaining.. after the 5th!