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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Night out. Husband mad

192 replies

Slowlygoingmadcontinuously · 20/12/2023 01:23

So tonight I went out to the pub with some school mums. Wasn’t a secret, told husband I was going. Had a lovely time and was quite happy coming home. Got home to be confronted with husband standing waiting and shouting at me that youngest child wasn’t in bed as I was still out. Told him he is also the parent so surely it was his responsibility to put youngest to bed when he knew the situation. Totally ruined my night out and I’m angry at myself for getting upset as I feel like he should have taken responsibility and put our youngest (5th child so would hope he got a grip of it by now) to bed?!

OP posts:
Howbizzare22 · 20/12/2023 10:21

What the fuck is the matter with these men??? He’s the parent too!!! He had one fucking job!! His problem if he couldn’t cope and failed getting child to bed- not yours!! You are entitled to go out and have a social life!!! Selfish piece of shit- I’m sick of these incompetent men blaming women for everything when they are the parent too!! 🤬 I’m so sorry he ruined your night put him straight then try to forget his pathetic outburst and remember what a great night you had- as a mum (who clearly does most of the parenting) you deserve it!! X

susiedaisy1912 · 20/12/2023 10:23

Geppili · 20/12/2023 01:53

Weaponised incompetence in not getting kid to bed.
Trying to punish you for daring to have a life. Nasty.

This

Sallyh87 · 20/12/2023 10:23

He needs to start doing bedtime 50% of the time. You need to start going out more often aswell. This way he will get used to it.

Fullofxmascbeer · 20/12/2023 10:24

Is he controlling in other ways?
It’s not right that he’s reacted like this. If he could/wouldn’t get them to bed, that’s on him - not you.
He’s trying to teach you not to go out again. Make sure you do - and make sure you have equal free time to him too. Let me guess. He goes out regularly?

Let last night be the catalyst for change.

Howbizzare22 · 20/12/2023 10:25

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Are you for real? Is this a wind up? Is it 1952? “Going out late at night is not fitting for a “lady”” 🫣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Oh. My. God 🤣🤣🤣

Chipsahoyagain · 20/12/2023 10:26

Showmethesunny · 20/12/2023 10:17

I mean honestly, why carry on to have FIVE children with a man who doesn’t help, and is verging on abusive. Words fail me

But off course it's all the man's fault. No responsibility for women who are equally responsible for bringing children into this situation.

Autumnleaves89 · 20/12/2023 10:26

This is a total hill to die on for me. It’s controlling, selfish, manipulative and nasty. Plus it’s dragging your poor kids into it. Lazy selfish parent and controlling jealous partner.
NONE of this is your fault OP. I would be furious that he a) didn’t put your child to bed and b) had the nerve the stand outside telling you off like a naughty teenager when you got home. Honestly I’d be gone.

Autumnleaves89 · 20/12/2023 10:28

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Get a grip you weirdo.

Rosscameasdoody · 20/12/2023 10:29

Slowlygoingmadcontinuously · 20/12/2023 02:04

Yes but to be honest they are all quite close in age so I didn’t have time to go out. It’s only now I’m finding the time and energy.

And there’s your answer. You’re now finding the time and energy to focus on what you need, and he’s realised it means he’ll have to step up more as a parent. So he’s doing what men do when they want to get out of any domestic responsibility - they do it badly so they won’t be asked again.

You need to make it clear that now your children are getting older he needs to up his game and share the responsibility and the leisure time.

MargotBamborough · 20/12/2023 10:30

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Is anyone else wondering how we are still reading Mumsnet in the 1950s we have apparently all just time travelled to?

Rosscameasdoody · 20/12/2023 10:35

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Methinks your user name probably should be 0PapaBear0. Either that or you’ve time travelled here from the 1950s. Can’t think of many other reasons for posting crap like this.

Greezynogreasy · 20/12/2023 10:35

You’ve done nothing wrong.

Its just he needs more practice to become a competent parent.

You need to book another night out with the girls.
Give him clear written instructions next time do he can’t gaslight you.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 20/12/2023 10:37

Five kids he knew how to keep you at home .
Now your getting a tiny bit of life out of kids and work and chores he is not happy.

You need dot talk to him firmly today tell
hik if he ever does that again it’s over .
He will not treat you like that and he will Parker his own kids simple abs also that you will have a life outside the house . Oh evens add it’s time for him to step up with chores and bed time routines . After all it’s only way for the kids to get use to him putting them down esp as your about to start going out regularly. Lol
Take night about for bed times.

Be firm OP stand up to him

Greezynogreasy · 20/12/2023 10:38

@0MammaBear0

I think you’re a goady troll

Or you need to get a life lol 😂

DriftingDora · 20/12/2023 10:50

Slowlygoingmadcontinuously · 20/12/2023 02:04

Yes but to be honest they are all quite close in age so I didn’t have time to go out. It’s only now I’m finding the time and energy.

You have five children with this man? I'd think you'd know what he's like by now, quelle surprise!

DriftingDora · 20/12/2023 10:55

Autumnleaves89 · 20/12/2023 10:28

Get a grip you weirdo.

Show quote history

Succinctly put. The 1940's are calling....they want the poster back. 🙄

Preschoolmum78 · 20/12/2023 10:57

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Subconscious venting in this way is abuse. To the op and the child. Please do the freedom programme and educate yourself.

I don’t know if you pay attention to the news, going to a cafe in the day may as well be just as dangerous for women. Or should women not be seen in public at all unless approved and escorted by their husband/male relatives ???

5 children in close proximity is also another red flag for abuse.

Birdcar · 20/12/2023 10:59

I don't understand why someone would have 5 children with a man who does no parenting or housework. Surely this was glaringly evident after 2.

LondonPapa · 20/12/2023 11:04

Slowlygoingmadcontinuously · 20/12/2023 01:23

So tonight I went out to the pub with some school mums. Wasn’t a secret, told husband I was going. Had a lovely time and was quite happy coming home. Got home to be confronted with husband standing waiting and shouting at me that youngest child wasn’t in bed as I was still out. Told him he is also the parent so surely it was his responsibility to put youngest to bed when he knew the situation. Totally ruined my night out and I’m angry at myself for getting upset as I feel like he should have taken responsibility and put our youngest (5th child so would hope he got a grip of it by now) to bed?!

Your husband is an arse. I can't imagine being so inept that putting a child to sleep is beyond him. He clearly let it spiral to have something to be mad about.

Personally, I (the father) love it when my OH goes out for the evening as I can actually get our child to sleep at a sensible time and then I can enjoy my evening of reading or watching a film. Absolute bliss.

barbarahunter · 20/12/2023 11:05

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Is that you, mum?

PopandFizz · 20/12/2023 11:06

He ruined this night out, so you arrange another! Clearly he needs more practise.

That is ridiculous...

Ormside · 20/12/2023 11:07

I have a life limiting condition. It meant I had to think hard about how my family will not only cope, but thrive without me. Your DC sound like they'd be screwed if anything happened to you. Even if he doesn't do it every day, your DH needs to be competent in every aspect of parenting and running your household. It doesn't sound like he is from your comments.

toomuchfaff · 20/12/2023 11:12

You've got 6 kids... just one of them is legally old enough to be alone in the house
#manbaby
#weaponizedincompetence

They were waiting for you... BULLSHIT, a parent would have put them to bed. A parent that wasn't seething that you'd DARED to leave the house. How dare you leave the house when there is stuff to do with the children, they are your responsibility 🤔

0MammaBear0 · 20/12/2023 11:19

Howbizzare22 · 20/12/2023 10:25

Are you for real? Is this a wind up? Is it 1952? “Going out late at night is not fitting for a “lady”” 🫣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Oh. My. God 🤣🤣🤣

Show quote history

Well marriages and relationships were much healthier and functional in the 1950s than in the 2020s; where there are more divorces than marriages, plummeting birth rates and a record number of women reaching 40 single and childless. Going to a nightclub or a pub late at night and consuming alcohol is not proper and I understand why her husband would be upset about it

Universalsnail · 20/12/2023 11:20

Why can't he put his own kid to bed? Yanbu.