To not allow 17 year old DS to visit his boyfriend on NYE

[hulas]

My DS is 17 and openly gay, he turns 18 in August and is in his first year of college. He's been in a relationship with another boy since September. Boyfriend lives an hour and half away on the train but they've met multiple times, I haven't spoken to him very much as he's autistic, but he seems to make DS happy.

Boyfriend turns 19 on NYE and DS has asked/told me he's going to visit him either on the train or I can take him to the train station (he didn't ask, just assumed!).

There would be alcohol involved and DS is easily led and the boyfriend doesn't seem very sensible so I've said no (id also be giving him the money for the train)

He's said how unfair I am and that he hates me etc etc and now I'm wondering if I'm BU in saying no. WWYD?

He is 17 not 7.

I think he's too old for you to be banning him.

YABU. Of Course he wants to spend NYE with his boyfriend.

At 17 I don't think you can say no, can you? Not entirely sure why you want to, he has a boyfriend and will have some drinks on NYE, the same as thousands of other 17 year olds.

What is it you're worried about?

How ridiculous of you. He's 17 for christs sake!!

He's almost an adult - you're being very unreasonable. If you say no to everything he will go behind your back and do it anyway, at least this way you know where he is and what he's doing.

Op he's 17

YABU, I think you're being really quite mean what's wrong with him going to visit his boyfriend for their birthday? Did you never have a drink or 2 with friends/partners at that age? Let him go

Then you ask him how he plans to get there and back.

If he wants to be treated like an adult, he acts like an adult, rather than expecting mummy and daddy to pony up for lifts and fares.

You're being absolutely unreasonable. FFS he's 17

What are you worried about happening? That he'll drink? Have sex? He'll probably do both quite happily. Is that what concerns you?

YABVVU

He's a young man OP, not a child.

He’s 17, of course he wants to spend NYE with his boyfriend. Why on earth would you try to stop him? You’d rather have him sulking at home?

Why are you saying no?

17?! Mine would have just gone anyway. Maybe your NY resolution should be to start making the adjustment to parenting a young adult.

Take it as a win that he let you know what he's up to. NYE is for the young, let him go have fun.

He’s 17! Why on earth shouldn’t he see his boyfriend on New Year’s Eve? You’re being really weird about this.

What are you proposing that he does instead? Hangs out with you, bored and lovelorn? YABU and are in denial that he is building his own life now. Back down and elegantly as you can!

Yes you are being unreasonable. What are you worried about? If he's been visiting him before this he's probably already done everything you're clutching your pearls about.

I'd say 'crack on', but he pays for train himself and sorts bus/ taxi lift himself. Old enough to go out with boyfriend on NYE get pissed Old enough to organise it.

At what point do you think it will be appropriate for him to make decisions about his own social life?

I assume he’ll stay over and get a train/bus back the next day or maybe even after a couple of days (shock horror)!

You are being utterly ridiculous. By 17 you should be talking to him about keeping safe all aspects of the situation and offer a lift to the station. Talk to him. Make sure he is ok. Don't ban him like a child.

Would you say the same if it was a girlfriend?
Honestly how is he supposed to learn to deal with alcohol and relationships if he isn't allowed.

NYE is a big thing if you are a teenager, give him advice and a lift, and let him go.