AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

[Netball01]

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

I'm tee total and giving lifts this Christmas. But it means they go home ealier, than they would if they got a taxi. So it's a win win for me! Done and dusted by 7.30

I don't think Op's being unreasonable at all! Are these guests such hardcore alcoholics that they don't know how to drink at social events without getting plastered?! Why should the host have to accommodate their substance abuse? They need to get a taxi or uber if it's so important for them to drink to excess.

It would have been nice and police if they had asked you rather than assumed. I think if they’d have done that then that’s not too great of an ask between close family.

I have been in the same position as I am also teetotal.

We host but I was also expected to pick up and drop off a particular (very nice person) guest who had their own car but wanted a drink and also didn’t want to lose their parking space where they live as it is busy there at Christmas. The upshot of this was that I didn’t mind the picking up as it was half an hour to myself then a chat with them once I had picked them up but I did mind the dropping back after hosting as I couldn’t relax as I knew at some point in the evening I would have to get up, put my coat on and go out in the cold and drive them home when all I wanted to do was watch tv, snack and eat chocolate.

Unless you have been in this position you just don’t get it. Luckily the guest concerned no longer comes due to a new relationship they have and my Christmas Day is so much better now I don’t have to drive anywhere on Christmas Day. We still get along but they go to their partners family for Christmas now.

You beat me to it , I'd do the same thing , I'd take my sweet time in coming back too .

I agree the assumption is cheeky, but look at it this way: if it’s a choice between driving for 30 mins or having them stay over because they’ve been drinking (taxis are hard to get on Christmas Day) surely it’s better to drive them?!

Well, that pushes me towards thinking you can say no!
Or bring you a fuck off big gift for your trouble, but then they might as well book a taxi !

Do you think your DH volunteered you ?

I mean just because they are having a few drinks doesn't mean they will "get plastered" and it doesn't mean they will have drank to excess either. But it's obviously not safe to drive even after just a few drinks, and even if they felt like they could potentially drive, it's always better they don't risk it.

They could enjoy a nice walk home to walk off the booze. I don't think you are being unreasonable. Your husband could drink after he's dropped them back home is the other solution. You really don't have to drive.

I always picked up both sets of parents for Christmas Day and took them home. And they lived opposite directions.

Sat down around 10 pm and had a port and lemon.

This is the first year without both my parents.

I get where you’re coming from, it’s another Thing To Do after a days’ hosting, so you can’t even relax in the evening knowing you have to drive them home! The assumption that you’ll drive them is annoying too, they could have asked at least.

I wouldn't be doing that if I'd been the person hosting / shopping / cooking / serving / cleaning up etc for the entire day, them leaving would be your first chance to put your feet up! Perhaps your partner can not drink until after they've dropped their parents home, that would make the most sense to me.

And why do you tolerate this? You are a mug.

You tell your husband that since you are giving them a lift back he needs to do some of the clearing up too.

Thats not a negotiation. This is what he WILL be doing.

Agree with others that giving a lift back is preferable to the them crashing over.

My In laws don’t help at all.

'Right then, shall we get the washing up done and tidy the house
and then I'll give you a lift home'. Said as soon after Christmas lunch as reasonable - or a little earlier than reasonable 😁

Rarer than hens teeth where we live at the best of times. Not a chance on a public holiday. I tend to do all the family night runs because I'm a night owl.

For the sake of familial peace and harmony, I'd suck this one up. A 30 min round trip is hardly here nor there tbh.
Just tell DH that you want a cup of tea and slice of cake waiting for you when you get back.

I mean just because they are having a few drinks doesn't mean they will "get plastered" and it doesn't mean they will have drank to excess either
Agree with this.
It's not safe to drink and then drive, so they've asked for a lift home. Nothing about that says getting totally inebriated.

It's Mumsnet though so I've filled my cupboard with 🍿🍿🍿 for the inevitable Christmas alcohol threads where some people insist they'd be drunk as a skunk if they so much as sipped the cooking sherry on Christmas day.

I do this every Christmas even though I'm not teetotal, it means that everyone is quite happy to leave at a reasonable time and then I can sit down with some nibbles and a large glass of wine when I get home knowing that they are all home safe.

As you’re cooking the Christmas meal and doing the presents, DH drops them home and washes up, obviously.

"My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it."

Time to rearrange the tasklist, don't you think?

HE MUST DO THE WASHING UP THIS YEAR. IF NOT, YOU'LL BE FAR TOO BUSY TO EVEN THINK ABOUT OFFERING A LIFT.

Seriously, he's being a lazy arse are I suspect not just on Christmas Day. It'll be New Year soon, might I suggest that some resolutions are in order? His should be to step up, and yours should be to step down a bit.

I think you should redirect your frustration at your dh.

The only advantage is agreeing to drive them home, is that you decide when they get taken home.

So be clear to them - I'll take you home at 6pm, after that I'll be too tired to drive and you'll need to make other plans.

After all you'll have been up early with the kids, working in the kitchen to produce a lovely lunch and you will want to sit down and put your feet up.

Oh you you can let your 'D'H know that you expect him to kraal them into the kitchen to do the washing up.

I'm happy to be the designated driver occasionally - but I decide when I'm going home. If you think that's too early for you - you're on your own.

Prid quo pro and all that.

And stop being so amenable in future - introduce a bit of unreliability

Well there's your problem, not a lift 15 minutes away.

Yep this is a DH problem.

@Netball01 you agreed with the poster who wrote ‘That is going a bit far to expect the hosts to do all the Christmas gifts, house cleaning, clothes preparation, decorations and meal, drinks, service, dishes, cleanup and childcare to be expected to add driving on top of that!’

Does your husband do fuck all? What’s the point of him?