AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

[Netball01]

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

I take it back - let DH sort his parents out, lazy bugger!

YESSS! agree 100%

As I've been saying all along, it's not the driving the OP should be refusing. It's the washing up at the very least. A choice between a quiet drive and clearing up and washing up after dinner? No contest!!!

I expect you’re tits deep in prep @Netball01 but as you say, there’s no precedent for this so abso-bloody-lately you can give people things to do.

tell h that while he’s off the hook for most of the major prep, on the day he can pitch in - and his parents can too - because this hosting is exhausting and you’re not staff.

be clear with language, maybe he doesn’t appreciate just how much (a) work it is and (b) how much is being put upon you.

they’re never going to offer and at the very least, your h should help you clear before serving his parents drink. Perhaps then they would be minded to help so that ALL can sit down and relax a bit.

broken record “if we all pitch in to get this cleared up, the sooner we all get to sit down”

Just say no!! Tell husband that if he wants to stay sober then he’s more than welcome! Or ofcourse he’s free to help serve and wash up… him having a busy month at work isn’t an excuse
to go naff all and leave everything to you!! It’s your Christmas too!!

and yes, I also don’t drink, haven’t for 14 years…. And I’d be irritated at the assumption that after waiting on them all all day they’d then ‘expect’ me to drive them home!!
Out of interest how are they getting to your?

OP- do not give them a lift! I’m quite shocked by the results of this poll! You are doing so much over Xmas already with little contributions from others. Get them to book a taxi, and get them all doing the washing up too - in my house the chef is exempt from cleaning up! Hope you have a good Xmas otherwise!

Helpful, lovely considerate cherished friends and family can have lifts as they would ask if you minded. Actually, they probably wouldn’t dream of asking though as they are too considerate.

Rude family members who don’t lift a finger to help and assume that having waited on them hand and foot all day, you’ll want to go out into the cold and drive them home, can bloody drive themselves.

I don't think it's fair to be expected to do something without being asked. That to me is inconsiderate and presumptuous.
So in that principle I think they are in the wrong.

Another point is you are hosting, so you may have a lot on your plate and therefore if you feel laden with things and the need to look after yourself ofc saying no is fine.

Its upto them how they take it, but surely if its an issue for you, then your s.o who's parents they are, can forgo drinking and give them a lift if its so important to them.

Another point is why you're not drinking. Are you pregnant, breastfeeding or Ill, and therefore adding that variable ontop of hosting Christmas, it does seem unfair to expect and assume you to carry the load mentally and physically throughout the day.

Protect yourself and your own enjoyment of the day, as it doesn't seem others are considering you before expecting you to put them first.

I don't think yabta. If someone wants something from you and you feel stretched or simply don't want to give it that's okay.

If its so important to your partner, they should take care of giving the life, or they can book a taxi.
Your partner should put you first. Not give you a hard time.

I’m doing this and it’s about 25 minutes each way. I will gladly skip out the house for a bit of quiet in the morning and then again in the evening. I can listen to a podcast or some 90s club classics and let some steam off… in the name of being a thoughtful daughter in law.

If I were teetotal I would give them a lift. But not otherwise. Book a taxi.

OP doesn’t need a reason not to be drinking. I’m neither pregnant or breastfeeding (I’m a man) or ill and I don’t drink either. If OP gives in to this it will be the expected norm.

I’m too late for your poll, and I was going to say YABU, but I’ve changed my mind!!

I WILL drive a friend home on Christmas night, which means no drinks for me (I don’t drink much anyway) but she doesn’t drive and she couldn’t afford a taxi, so I do it.

For two people, I’d let them figure out who stays sober and that person can drive them home. Or they could get a taxi.

I’ll be the designated driver tomorrow night for our big family party and I wouldn’t dream of asking the host to drive us home after he was kind enough to do so much work.

It depends. It doesn’t sound far out your way.

So not only will you have done all the prep,shopping, cooking and clearing up they also want you to drive them home? No, I would not be doing that and would be telling your DH that you are doing enough and what is his contribution? They are his parents so he can either not drink or tell them to shell out for a taxi. They all sound lazy and selfish. If I have done all the cooking I expect my DH and DD to clear up. Why can't your DH do at least that? The fact you are teetotal has nothing to do with it. Just because you don't drink it does not give people the right to expect you to taxi them home.

This. Wonder if they want you to go round early to pick them up so you can wrap their presents?! You have done pretty much everything else for them this Christmas!

Of course it is out of her way. She is the host so not going out. She is doing everything else so this would be an added chore. If we both wanted to drink we would book a taxi.

Sorry @Lizzieregina I mean to quote @Osheo s post.

Funny how people who drink assume people who don't will be fine driving them around because obviously that's why they don't drink 😂

We don't know the reason @Netball01 is teetotal but I think it's pretty safe to assume it is not in order to facilitate her PIL's lifestyle choice.

If you and your partner both like to drink, the solutions are:
One of you doesn't
You take public transport
You stay at or near the place where you are drinking

If on the odd occasion someone else offers you a lift, it's a great bonus, but the expectation that they will is the very definition of entitlement.

Are you coming back, @Netball01 ?

What have you decided to do tomorrow?

Why would you not drive them? It means you are totally in control of the situation. If you want to go to bed because you are knackered you can tell them this is when they are going. It is probably preferable to them staying.

Just say "I know because I dont drink I would be an obvious taxiibservice. But I'm sorry after organising everything with food cooking etc I will be just too tired. So please arrange a taxi instead. This one will be too knackered!"

If it wasn't already suggested, I'd hire them a Lyft or an Uber or a taxi when they are ready and then go up to bed.

So what happened?

Did you ever come back to this post, @Netball01 ?