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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

673 replies

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 15:47

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

OP posts:
Devon43 · 18/12/2023 16:38

Your husband can bloody drive them since he is as much use as chocolate teapot on the day and they are his parents. Not your problem. My 5 year old could sort the drinks, hardly a massive help. Otherwise they can arrange a taxi, you deserve to relax after doing all the cooking, cleaning etc

MaggieFS · 18/12/2023 16:39

Why the fuck are you washing up?

I would also be annoyed at the assumption of always being the taxi driver. But if teetotal and on Christmas Day then I would do it.

Tbh, I'd probably be glad of the headspace alone during the drive home.

But I'd be more pissed off about having to wash up after cooking. Just tell everyone that in order to have time to drop them home, you need to share the chores out. FIL can wash up, MIL can dry up, DH puts the things away.

DriftingDora · 18/12/2023 16:39

thetworonnies · 18/12/2023 15:51

If I wasn't drinking I'd definitely pick up and drop guests home on Christmas (or any) day.

Edited

If you intend to remain teetotal on the day, I don't see the problem. 15 mins drive there and 15 back isn't a big deal for one day and they are your family, so it wouldn't be a problem for me to do it. It's different if they're asking regularly and taking it for granted you're happy to always do it.

But obviously they'd need to fit in with you - not driving them home at 3 am for example, when you wouldn't want to be on the road on your own driving back home, (just as an example).

No big deal. It's Christmas (as Noddy Holder said).

Pluviophile1 · 18/12/2023 16:39

Is there a reason why don't you want to drive them? Are they particularly objectionable after a drink or two? The assumption that you will be available to do it might be a bit annoying but it is 30 minutes out of your day and a bit mean of you to object.

Topseyt123 · 18/12/2023 16:40

I rarely drink anymore but I wouldn't be happy with this.

My take would be a) it's my Christmas too, b) I'd be busy hosting and c) I am not a taxi service and dislike ferrying drunken or tipsy people around. I have had too many bad experiences with that one in the past so it would be a solid no from me.

DidiAskYouThough · 18/12/2023 16:40

I suspect all the replies telling you to drive are wrongly assuming you have a husband who actually respects you and who functions, instead of some pisstaking slob.

NoSquirrels · 18/12/2023 16:40

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:28

@ThequalityoftheReps

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc

My In laws don’t help at all.

Well, that’s the issue.

Tell your lazy DH you’re happy to give his folks a lift there and back but he needs to pull his weight before and on the day.

Daisies12 · 18/12/2023 16:41

It would be kind to just give them a lift. assuming DH will be doing his share of other things like cooking! We're driving 7-8 hours to see our family, 30 mins is nothing.

RedToothBrush · 18/12/2023 16:41

SecondUsername4me · 18/12/2023 16:37

I think you should redirect your frustration at your dh.

Show quote history

Definitely agree with this.

You are just letting him get away with it rather than telling him he needs to get up off his arse.

Neighboursnumber1fan · 18/12/2023 16:41

Exactly the same with me. I don’t drink, haven’t for years and am expected to host and drive everyone home. I just want to go to bed at the ent of the day, not be an unpaid taxi.

ilovesooty · 18/12/2023 16:41

KVick · 18/12/2023 16:29

I don't think Op's being unreasonable at all! Are these guests such hardcore alcoholics that they don't know how to drink at social events without getting plastered?! Why should the host have to accommodate their substance abuse? They need to get a taxi or uber if it's so important for them to drink to excess.

There's rather a lot of difference between drinking even a little so that driving is inadvisable and getting plastered / drinking to excess / substance misuse.

melj1213 · 18/12/2023 16:43

YANBU to be annoyed at the assumption that not drinking = unpaid taxi driver, because I also hate that assumption but YABU to not do it on principle at Christmas for family when it's such a short journey and taxis are hard to come by and expensive on Christmas Day, at least where I live.

I would just set the expectations beforehand - DH can pick them up (since he won't have started drinking yet) and you will give them a lift home at any point before 8pm, if they want to leave any later than that then they're responsible for getting themselves home as that's when you plan to be getting in your PJs and settling in for the night. That way you only have to do the one trip, it's on your terms, and a 15 min drive home alone after the hectic stress of Christmas Day might be just what you need to decompress but I'm someone who loves a quiet drive when I need some alone time to think and relax.

Obviously your DH will be spending that 30mins tidying and clearing things up and running a bath so that by the time you get home you can have a hot bath, get into your PJs and sit in your tidied living room to watch a cosy film with a box of Christmas chocs.

I don't drink due to medication I take so I am more than happy to offer people lifts if it means they can have a couple of drinks but I do resent it when we are talking about the logistics of a meet up and someone flippantly says something like "Oh well you're not drinking Melj1213 so you can pick us up and drop us off so we don't have to faff with taxis" before I've even had chance to offer ... Even though I was literally about to offer the same thing the assumption that of course I'll happily play taxi driver - as opposed to them asking me or allowing me to offer - irritates the hell out of me.

I also hate that people assume I'm happy to taxi them round without so much as an offer of petrol money. Again, I never want petrol money from friends, especially when I'm not going out of my way and/or it's a short distance, but it's the assumption of using my time, car and petrol with no contribution - even just a "We'll get your drinks this evening in thanks for the lifts".

Band3benefits · 18/12/2023 16:43

Give them a lift whilst your husband and any DC clean up the kitchen!

Luxell934 · 18/12/2023 16:45

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up

Sorry but why would you let this happen? Your husband should be helping you, give him a list of what food to buy and send him on his merry way, make sure he tidies the house before they arrive and he absolutely 100% IS doing the washing up this year. Maybe if he pulled his weight driving his parents home wouldn't be such a big deal.

OhmygodDont · 18/12/2023 16:45

I’d just declare that you will drive them home once the kitchen is all spic and span again.

Then I’d plop my arse down to rest and watch a bit of tv while dh/in-laws clean and wash up. Once it’s done you can then fetch your shoes but not a second before it’s done.

Compromise. If they moan say well your not leaving the house till it’s done so they are free to wait if they wish but your not doing anymore work till tomorrow. Yawn 🥱 night night and no the spare room isn’t made up either sorry.

Topseyt123 · 18/12/2023 16:45

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:28

@ThequalityoftheReps

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc

My In laws don’t help at all.

No way would I ever agree to do all of that AND be a free taxi service. They could stay over or get a taxi home.

Blistory · 18/12/2023 16:46

I wouldn't drive them either.

Why do the wishes of your husband and both his parents to have a drink come above your desire to stay in on Christmas day, particularly given that you're already hosting ? That's 3 people who can drive and they only need 1 of them not to drink.

I can't imagine being rude enough as a guest on Christmas Day to expect my host to go even further out of their way just so I can have a drink.

SarahB88 · 18/12/2023 16:46

I am pregnant so will not be drinking this year. I’m picking up my partners parents and dropping them home later so that they have can a drink here if they’d like.

It also means that they arrive and leave when we decide so I’m seeing it as a huge plus!

Payitforward55 · 18/12/2023 16:47

I absolutely feel why the expectation of a lift and being pressured into doing it doesn't sit well with you. But I think the half an hour of putting yourself out (oh Christmas day I know) will make a big difference to the day. Your in-laws will be much more relaxed and you can tell DH to get the dishes sorted while you drop them off. I wouldn't be loving the fact that I have to do it but I would do it.

NalafromtheLionKing · 18/12/2023 16:47

I would do it if not too late at night (you only need to be in the car with them for 15 mins) but would make DH pull his weight so much more on the day and with prep beforehand.

Gulbekian · 18/12/2023 16:47

YANBU. It's cheeky and presumptuous of them to simply expect you to put yourself out to facilitate their choice to drink.

WinterDeWinter · 18/12/2023 16:48

You have a DH problem (I'm having this tattoo-ed on my forehead to save time.)

Bananabreadcrumbs · 18/12/2023 16:48

I think it’s a bit rude of them to expect it, especially as you’ll be hosting all day, and being teetotal shouldn’t automatically mean you’re designated driver. Also it’s not as though you’re having to go home yourselves anyway, you’d have to leave the house specifically just to take them back which is in my opinion a bit annoying.

Personally though I’m a pushover and would probably just begrudgingly do it as it’s not a long trip. You could however just be honest and say you think you’ll be really tired at the end of the evening and would they mind getting a taxi home. Then when they are over on the day, make a point of getting into your comfy clothes and slippers later on in the evening, not to make them uncomfortable or like they need to leave but just so they can understand that it’s Christmas Day and you just want to stay cosy and comfy at home after hosting all day.

best of luck!

pinkspeakers · 18/12/2023 16:49

Regardless of whether you drink, if I were you I'd want to just relax in the warm after cooking and serving (and eating!) Christmas dinner and wouldn't want to go anywhere if I could avoid it. I'd look into the cost and availability of taxis instead.

pinkspeakers · 18/12/2023 16:49

It also depends a bit when they want to leave. The later it would be, the less willing I would be.

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