AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

[Netball01]

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

I sometime offer to drive people home because that way I get to decide when they leave.

Did you say they were your in- laws? Not strangers, people you’re spending Christmas with and you’re whingeing about a short round trip drive?

think you’re in the running for a Grinch award.

Why can’t they catch an uber ?

Why can’t they catch an uber ?

To be fair not everywhere has Uber - we don't and we're in the deepest darkest part of central Thames valley - ie not remote at all, but no Uber

Still think you're all (well 81% of you) being mean saying the OP should drive - she's doing everything for the day, bar wiping their bums

The usual convention is that guests take responsibility for getting themselves to the host's home and back. If the guests are both drivers, they agree between themselves about who's going to do it and flip a coin if necessary.

This. Never in my life have I expected someone to host me, cook for me and then assumed they'd drive me home as well. WTAF? DH and I would take turns not drinking so one of us could drive home. Just because someone is teetotal doesn't mean they should be doing more work than those who choose to drink. Drinking is a choice, not a legal requirement of Christmas FFS

No. I wouldn't assume a lift either but if visiting family on Christmas day and one person hadn't been drinking then I think usually that person would offer a lift (if it wasn't too far). Season of goodwill and all that.
However, in this situation I would definitely expect OP's husband to help out during the day with cooking, cleaning, whatever needs to be done. I agree it's unfair if she's doing absolutely everything and driving whilst the husband relaxes.

but if visiting family on Christmas day and one person hadn't been drinking then I think usually that person would offer a lift

For sure, I don't drink any more and have given people lifts many times but I offered, it wasn't just expected or assumed because I made the choice not to drink.

I also agree that it's ridiculous that OP's husband is basically doing nothing whilst expecting her run around like a blue arsed fly and giving lifts. He sounds like a lazy entitled fcker if he expects to just get drunk whilst everything is done for him and his relatives.

Uber!

The ungrateful, lazy and tight twats don’t want to pay for a taxi.

She doesn’t give her parents a lift because they aren’t tight twats like her in laws and DH, her parents get a taxi.

my parents - we have hosted them for Xmas in the past and they have always booked a taxi without any discussion as they feel 12+hours of hosting is enough for me to do !!

If my lovely daughter in law was hosting us for Christmas doing all the prep, cleaning, present buying, cooking and washing up whilst my son made a few drinks and then expected her to drive my home again (and collect us?!) at the end of the day, I would have many things I would want to say to him!

Asking him if his wife could also drive me home wouldn’t be one of those things.

Exactly. "He sorts the drinks"? well no wonder he needs a rest after that poor lamb- he must be exhausted pouring drinks. Some of these threads on here literally shock me.

How about telling (not asking) him to do some of the actual grunt work?

Sorts the drinks? Is this the Christmas equivalent of "putting the bin out" a non-job
In our house we leave the drinks and glasses out and people help themselves.
My husband wouldn't dream of sitting doing nothing! And if he did i would be telling him what to do. Because I'm not the family slave.

I'm someone who does enjoy a drink. And often will at Christmas. But if we are not at home in our own house, w are moving between DMIL and my DOs houses - 20 minutes apart by car and 2.5 hours from our own.

Sometimes a DBIL is there too and will offer to drop us back past his house to where we stay 10 minutes extra driving.

But we will always have a plan between DH and I about which 1 of us is the driver. Which may mean 1 small glass of wine early on with the start of the meal hours before driving, or absolutely none at all, just sparkling water etc. We often drink non-alcoholic gin and tonic, or alcohol free beer because we're driving.

And when not Christmas Day (as taxis are very hard to find in the rural area we grew up in - but are available if you wait on other days), we will pan to get a taxi on special days where we would both like a drink.

We never expect a lift from teetotal DBIL ( and even he has an occasional glass of champagne for special events). And we especially wouldn't expect that someone who has hosted us would then leave their house to bring us home.

So yes, some drinkers may have expectations - but definitely not all!

Because I'm not the family slave.

Exactly this. THIS is why the lifts home are unreasonable- because noone is lifting a finger to help and OP is doing absolutely everything. All the stupid comments about "be kind, its Christmas" are exactly why women get shafted with all the hard work whilst men and their entitled families get to do nothing but get pissed.

I don’t drink. I also end up always being the driver.

If they didn’t drive, I would happily pick them up and drop them off. But just so they can have an alcoholic drink? No. I’m with you on this OP.

Really? You think OP should be doing all the prep work, cooking, cleaning up, present buying, hosting and lift giving whilst all her husband does is pour the drinks? How very Dickensian of you.

Well I do drink but always take my dad home so he can have a drink that day. But I haven't made dinner, washed up etc etc etc as well.

Tell your DH you will take his parents home as long as he washes up.

We go to my partner’s daughter’s house for Xmas. Her parents in law had a habit of coming over and expecting to drink and be driven home. She solved that by making Xmas an alcohol free day. Their kids also don’t need to see people getting rat faced as normal behaviour.

You're doing the whole lot? Prepping, cooking, cleaning up, while hubby gets drinks and the in-laws do nothing?

I think you should have a drink, OP. Two or three, in fact. Just on this occasion. They're taking the mick.

As for your other post about friends and relatives not making plans for their home journey. They ARE making those plans, and the plan is "the teetotaller will give us a lift, like always." If you're going to be the taxi, they can cover your orange juice bill for the night.

Fair enough it's a bit cheeky to expect to be driven home but i think it's a bit off to invite guests and say you can't have a drink.

Unless of course you are supporting someone with alcoholism by not having any in the house. That's a different story

@Netball01

Just curious to know if you've made a decision/taken a firm stand.

I'm on your side BTW. No lifts from me if I'm completely in charge of entertaining/cleanup.

@laceydoily - hadn’t read much of the thread or the part where’s she’s slaving away for the day!

I take it back - let DH sort his parents out, lazy bugger!

A 30 minute round trip isn't a big deal really. Maybe you could get DH to tidy up / load the dishwasher while you're out?