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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

673 replies

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 15:47

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

OP posts:
FortofPud · 18/12/2023 16:20

Yes, you can decide when they leave! "Right, I'm thinking about pajamas and winding down for the evening soon - let's do that lift if you still want it, otherwise let's book you a taxi for a bit later."

LadyBird1973 · 18/12/2023 16:20

I get it - you'll have done everything and at the end of the day can't have a rest because they need to get home. And it's rude AF to assume and not ask. I'm thinking they asked your dh and he's agreed on your behalf?

OTOH, maybe this is years of resentment about other people's assumptions about your willingness to ferry them about and this feels like the final straw. In which case I think you need to change things next year and stop being so accommodating to all
your cheeky fucker friends.

ImNotReallySpartacus · 18/12/2023 16:21

Why can't one of them stay sober enough to drive back?

Richard1985 · 18/12/2023 16:21

If your husband is pushing for this then you can lay down some expectations for what he does in return. E.g. do the Christmas dinner, get the house tidied while you're dropping them off etc.

It obviously shouldn't be on your shoulders to do all the hosting chores and taxi-ing

Original poster
Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:21

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos lol I think it’s a bit of a reach to say I’m bitter about being teetotal 😂it’s my choice and I’m very happy with it thank you. However I do get irritated when people who do drink view people who don’t as their free taxi service.

OP posts:
LaurieStrode · 18/12/2023 16:21

What time? Late afternoon fine; make it an opportunity for fresh air & a look at everyones lights & decor.

9pm? Call a taxi.

moomoomoo27 · 18/12/2023 16:22

I think your DH should do it not you, if he's so keen for it to happen. They're his parents.

It also depends on what their contribution will be to the event - if they're bringing food/drink to contribute, keeping the kids occupied, helping with the cooking, dishwasher loading and tidying up, that's very different to expecting you to wait on them hand and foot and then provide lifts on top after you've slaved over everything yourself all day. If they're pulling their weight or have contributed significantly in some other way I'd give them a lift, if they're not I wouldn't.

SecondUsername4me · 18/12/2023 16:22

if I drank then they would have to sort themselves out

But you don't so this is a moot point.

Christmas day, and invited guests, isn't the time to stop bedding over backwards with lifts.

Take it up as a new year's resolution.

And you aren't doing all the hosting, as their son will be there!

Sunshineandflipflops · 18/12/2023 16:22

My dp doesn’t drink and is always happy to drive people places. He probably will do on Xmas day too.

Cubbysnowdog · 18/12/2023 16:23

If you’re teetotal I imagine how fed up you are of being designated driver and having to go out of your way all the time. As it’s Christmas I’d probably offer the lift home but your DH can do the pick up or they leave their car at yours and come collect it the next day.

Charlotte120221 · 18/12/2023 16:23

Surely a 30 minute drive is no bother at all? Taxis will be £££ and you're in a position to drop them home so why wouldn't you?

Not at all sure how it relates to the fact that you're hosting and not expecting any financial contributions either.....

But if its really too much hassle then just book them a taxi. No big deal. Move on.

ThequalityoftheReps · 18/12/2023 16:24

FortofPud · 18/12/2023 16:20

Yes, you can decide when they leave! "Right, I'm thinking about pajamas and winding down for the evening soon - let's do that lift if you still want it, otherwise let's book you a taxi for a bit later."

This is a good suggestion

RedToothBrush · 18/12/2023 16:24

Its Christmas. Its 30mins. Its not like you are drinking.

Why be difficult about it?

Is this really worth the effort of an arguement?

Nanny0gg · 18/12/2023 16:24

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:13

@Whataretalkingabout yes thats exactly how I feel but seems like I’m in the minority

We're hosting and don't drink so one of us will be ferrying those families who would like a drink and live too far to walk

No big deal

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 18/12/2023 16:24

Take up drinking.

Gettingbysomehow · 18/12/2023 16:24

Of course I'd give them a lift. I don't think 30 minutes of your day is too much to ask. Unless I really hated them.

CurlewKate · 18/12/2023 16:25

What's your reason for saying no? Do you have one-or is it just this bizarre Mumsnet liftophobia.

ThequalityoftheReps · 18/12/2023 16:25

We need to know:

Who cooks
Who washes up
What do the IL contribute whilst there- effort wise I mean
When do you get a rest normally on CD ?

Blanketpolicy · 18/12/2023 16:26

I would do a deal with dh that I will take them home only if he does the washing up while im gone and I come back to a clear kitchen.

I'd much rather drive and listen to music than do dishes!

gerteddy · 18/12/2023 16:26

I don't drink that often but I will be drinking at Christmas. I totally get the whole folk expecting a lift and it does get annoying especially if going out of ur way!

However I would offer to take them home if it wasn't too late. I'd be annoyed at them expecting it though.

It is really difficult to get taxis these days on night outs so I imagine on Christmas Day it will be very difficult. My mil is actually driving because of this. It's not worth the hassle and stress trying to get a taxi home.

HarrietStyles · 18/12/2023 16:28

I would 100% do it if they politely asked me. I was pregnant/breastfeeding for about 7 years straight and was happy to be designated driver for my family and friends during that time …… but they were very polite and appreciative of it. Can see why you would be pissed off if it was just presumed and they haven’t even asked you directly.

SilverAntelope · 18/12/2023 16:28

Drive them home...but at 2pm.

Original poster
Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:28

@ThequalityoftheReps

I do all the prep, cleaning, present buying etc before christmas. My husband sorts the drinks for everyone but otherwise I do all the cooking and washing up etc

My In laws don’t help at all.

OP posts:
thing47 · 18/12/2023 16:29

I would do the lift, but I would expect to be asked politely and directly by the in-laws. If it came via DH @Netball01 or there was any kind of expectation, that would put my back right up.

What will they do with their car, leave it at yours and collect it the next day?

Tempnamechng · 18/12/2023 16:29

I would do it for mine, but they would give us lifts say to a train station or airport. It would be a bit mean for the sake of 30 minutes.