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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

673 replies

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 15:47

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

OP posts:
Luxell934 · 18/12/2023 16:09

I don’t drink and would happily drive 30 minute round trip to drop off the in-laws so they could enjoy a drink on Christmas Day. If it was any longer then I’d probably not be as keen but 15 min drop off up the road isn’t a massive deal. Make sure your husband fully pulls his weight with the Prep, cooking, washing and cleaning up though.

SummerInSun · 18/12/2023 16:09

Personally I'd love the excuse after hosting all day - once I'd dropped them off - to have the return trip in the car by myself in the peace and quiet - put some good songs on loud, drive the long way home and decompress. Oh - and as you'll be doing that, remind your DH that you expect to come back to a spotless house as he'll have tidied while you were driving.

AgnesX · 18/12/2023 16:09

If you're tee total then why not. It is Christmas after all. Peace and goodwill to all in-laws 😁

FeathersFerns · 18/12/2023 16:09

I can understand why the assumption that you'll do this for them grates a lot.

However, I would do it - as long as the time was convenient for me (aka not late, so I could get back a relax...put my PJs on etc). If you are going to end up agreeing to this I would definitely stipulate the time, and if they want to go at another time then they'll need to get a taxi.

kimchio · 18/12/2023 16:10

Dh can do it

Delatron · 18/12/2023 16:10

I guess the DH is drinking but that’s annoying that he just expects OP to do it.

55larry · 18/12/2023 16:11

I have given guests a lift home in the past but I know that DH would spend the time I was out doing the tidying and washing up so I would rather do the driving!

Pinkelephant66 · 18/12/2023 16:12

Hosting all day (ant expense to you) and then just expected to do lifts (also at expense to you? No yanbu

BigDahliaFan · 18/12/2023 16:13

I would on Christmas Day when it's all planned and you know it - but I'd do it to my timetable. Also that means you can get rid of them when you've had enough.

For the New Year, set boundaries and don't do random lifts or driving miles out of your way. My husband rarely drinks now and will more often than not be designated driver, but I try not to take it for granted. And he'll sometimes offer to come and pick me up - usually an hour round trip - but other times he'll say nope...I don't fancy it.

PollyPut · 18/12/2023 16:13

I'd do it unless I had a very young baby to BF. Why not?

BeeDavis · 18/12/2023 16:13

Why would you want to be so obviously difficult about this? You aren’t drinking, it’s 15 minutes each bloody way which is nothing! Honestly couldn’t be arsed being this fickle.

Crunchymum · 18/12/2023 16:13

Why isn't your DH driving them home?

Original poster
Netball01 · 18/12/2023 16:13

@Whataretalkingabout yes thats exactly how I feel but seems like I’m in the minority

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 18/12/2023 16:15

I completely understand this, I am also teetotal and I think it's that everyone expects it. Nobody actually thinks to ask if it's ok first.
God forbid you want to relax after hosting everyone on Xmas day.
Tbh I would do it this year to save trouble but I would be saying to my husband that next year it's his responsibility.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 18/12/2023 16:16

One of us always collected and dropped off the grandparents when I still lived at home. My dad usually did the pick up while mum was prepping lunch and my mum the drop off while dad washed up, but as soon as I and my siblings could drive we were in the rotation too. Given the weather being unpredictable, the fact they wanted to be able to have a little drink if they fancied and just that they've done their hosting and running around over Christmas, it was just what we did. You sound a bit bitter about being tee total tbh. I don't drink and I usually offer to drive.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 18/12/2023 16:16

SummerInSun · 18/12/2023 16:09

Personally I'd love the excuse after hosting all day - once I'd dropped them off - to have the return trip in the car by myself in the peace and quiet - put some good songs on loud, drive the long way home and decompress. Oh - and as you'll be doing that, remind your DH that you expect to come back to a spotless house as he'll have tidied while you were driving.

Ha! I do this every year, because I don't drink much. I drop a few people home about midnight and then I put on the radio and cruise around the quiet streets for ten extra minutes. I'm not really trying to avoid the clean-up operation, because that will still be ongoing when I get back, but I love that little bit of quiet night driving after a very full on day.

HolyZarquonsSingingSeals · 18/12/2023 16:17

Stuff that. I would take up drinking just for the day.

shearwater2 · 18/12/2023 16:17

I wouldn't want to forgo a couple of glasses of wine to give someone a lift on Christmas Day, but it wouldn't bother me at all if I weren't drinking.

WaltzingWaters · 18/12/2023 16:17

If you’re not planning on drinking I don’t see why not, it’s not far. But then you of course get to somewhat decide when they go. “I’m getting tired now, if you’d like a lift back get your coats” (okay, maybe a bit nicer than that but that kinda thing).

Allwelcone · 18/12/2023 16:18

Your 30 min drive sounds great to me OP.
My in laws and 2 aunties are driving to ours, in the evening a taxi takes them back home, but Boxing day we are expected to drive their car back to theirs (40mins) then drive one of the aunts back to her house 1 hour away!
Almost worth picking them up and driving them back on the say, a 2.5 hour round trip.

harriethoyle · 18/12/2023 16:18

On the plus side OP, you can dictate the time of their departure and come back and settle down to the Christmas chocs!

harriethoyle · 18/12/2023 16:18

Great minds @WaltzingWaters 😆

Yoyoban · 18/12/2023 16:19

For me it would depend on the effort split for all the other preparations/clear up.

If I was expected to do all the prep/ hosting whilst DH sat there having a nice time (and presumably drinking) and then to also give lifts I'd be saying no - telling DH he could stay sober and give them a lift. If on the other hand DH will do a fair share throughout the day and while you drop them home he'll clear up so you come back and can both sit down and relax together, then I'd be fine with it

Vinrouge4 · 18/12/2023 16:19

If your husband is that bothered why doesn’t he not drink them drop them off.

Gymnopedie · 18/12/2023 16:20

I think you're probably stuck with Christmas but start putting in boundaries - not just for them - in the new year. And as other PPs have said, at a reasonable time. If they want driving at a particular time and it doesn't suit you then yes they should get a taxi. That's how taxis work.

Will they do anything to help on Christmas Day or will they sit expecting to be waited on hand and foot? (In which case that's DH's job.)

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