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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

673 replies

Netball01 · 18/12/2023 15:47

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

OP posts:
tattygrl · 20/12/2023 16:07

I expect it is the expectation and assumption, rather than the matter of a 30 minute drive for some family members, that's the issue OP?

Also it sounds a bit like this might be a bit of a straw breaking the camel's back if your partner doesn't contribute to the work that goes into hosting and preparing for a family Christmas.

SpringboksSocks · 20/12/2023 16:11

I haven’t read the whole thread. I would give them a lift, but I would also ask them/DH to give me a hand with a bit more on the day. You shouldn’t have to do literally everything.

wronginalltherightways · 20/12/2023 16:15

Chaz22 · 20/12/2023 15:00

You clearly don’t like your inlaws do you? And you’re making that clear to them and your husband if you decide to say no. It’s 30 mins total out of your day so that your family can spend it together, hardly a big ask. It would be different if driving them was the reason you’re not drinking but if you’re t-total then that’s clearly not the case. Just suck it up and do it and stop acting like doing your FAMILY a small favour is such a big ask. Or don’t do it and deal with the ruined Christmas when the in laws don’t come or come but are not festive as they are having to stay completely sober thanks to you not wanting to give 30 mins of your time.

Did you read the part where OP said she already does EVERYTHING on the day while Dh does fuck all except pour drinks. Why on earth should she have to wait on HIS parents as well and then chauffeur them about?

wronginalltherightways · 20/12/2023 16:15

SpringboksSocks · 20/12/2023 16:11

I haven’t read the whole thread. I would give them a lift, but I would also ask them/DH to give me a hand with a bit more on the day. You shouldn’t have to do literally everything.

OP, please don't even consider asking your DH to 'give you a hand' ... tell him to do his fucking fair share on the day.

CurlewKate · 20/12/2023 16:29

I'm not roasting the OP. I am saying that the key to this is what's going on with her DP. Of course it's reasonable that a non-drinker should drop people home. What's not reasonable is that one half of a couple should do all the shopping, cooking and clearing up. Focussing on the lift takes the attention away from the real issue and will enable the dp to ignore his unreasonableness.

Gingerbee · 20/12/2023 16:35

Much easier than people staying overnight.
Tell DH he can do the dishes and clearing up whilst you play taxi driver.

diddl · 20/12/2023 16:37

Of course it's reasonable that a non-drinker should drop people home.

Why is it?

Teledeluxe · 20/12/2023 17:31

Absolutely

Cat1313 · 20/12/2023 17:34

It's Christmas 😂
Who expects family to pay Christmas day taxi prices, when it just takes you 30 mins to give them a lift

Topseyt123 · 20/12/2023 17:41

Cat1313 · 20/12/2023 17:34

It's Christmas 😂
Who expects family to pay Christmas day taxi prices, when it just takes you 30 mins to give them a lift

I'd turn that around. Who expects family who are already doing the considerable work of hosting Christmas to drop everything and provide a free taxi service to take them home??

They should book a taxi.

diddl · 20/12/2023 17:46

Cat1313 · 20/12/2023 17:34

It's Christmas 😂
Who expects family to pay Christmas day taxi prices, when it just takes you 30 mins to give them a lift

Op not driving doesn't mean it has to be a taxi though.

Husband or one of the ILs could decide not to drink until later.

YouAndMeAndThem · 20/12/2023 17:53

Yep if I was tee total I'd not think twice about giving people lifts home as long as it wasn't miles away! 15 mins on your own on the way home sounds bliss after a busy day hosting!! I don't know anyone who would begrudge that (of those I know who don't drink that is, it would be different if they expected you not to drink!)

BiddyPop · 20/12/2023 17:54

Cat1313 · 20/12/2023 17:34

It's Christmas 😂
Who expects family to pay Christmas day taxi prices, when it just takes you 30 mins to give them a lift

So the person who cleaned the house, shopped for the food, prepped the food, cooked the food, served the food, (probably washed up much of the mess), and has the distinction of preferring not to drink alcohol - should them turn around and leave their own home to drive their ILs home after they have sat and enjoyed their day and feast. Rather than finally getting a chance to sit down and put their own feet up!!

agentcooperinthewhitelodge · 20/12/2023 17:57

BiddyPop · 20/12/2023 17:54

So the person who cleaned the house, shopped for the food, prepped the food, cooked the food, served the food, (probably washed up much of the mess), and has the distinction of preferring not to drink alcohol - should them turn around and leave their own home to drive their ILs home after they have sat and enjoyed their day and feast. Rather than finally getting a chance to sit down and put their own feet up!!

Show quote history

Yes. It's their punishment for not drinking apparently! They have to do everything, after all they are teetotal, its the LEAST they can do whilst everyone else gets pissed 🙄

Luvtheinlaws · 20/12/2023 18:08

Don't you like the in-laws? As you are teetotal and its only a 30 minute round trip, it seems perfectly reasonable.

Santibbz · 20/12/2023 18:19

I’m teetotal but I don’t think any of my family/partners family would automatically expect me to drop them home. If they wanted me to take them home, they would ask. I would be mad aswell if I found out they were discussing it behind my back and expected to be dropped at home. I wouldn’t do it purely out of spite 😂

Humannat · 20/12/2023 18:19

Why are you inviting them at all? Sounds like you hate them. Financial contribution?

Coffeeismyfriend1 · 20/12/2023 18:23

If you do decide to give them the lift then I’d set the time and when that time comes I’d just say I’m taking you now or I’m putting my pjs on and then I’m not leaving the house! So we go now or you book a taxi.

Ultimately, it would be very nice of you to give them a lift home and if they decide not to do it on your terms then they don’t get the lift. Oh and I’d say DH is washing up, too!

Coolhwip · 20/12/2023 18:31

Humannat · 20/12/2023 18:19

Why are you inviting them at all? Sounds like you hate them. Financial contribution?

If you read the thread you'll see that in laws are not contributing anything to the meal. No money, no food, nothing.

CurlewKate · 20/12/2023 18:48

@diddl "Of course it's reasonable that a non-drinker should drop people home.

Why is it?"

You ignored the rest of my post.

extrasushiplease · 20/12/2023 18:51

It's Christmas, it's family, c'mon

Elaina87 · 20/12/2023 19:13

15 mins each way isn't far.... if you don't drink way not just be nice? Do they do things for you?

Codlingmoths · 20/12/2023 20:15

extrasushiplease · 20/12/2023 18:51

It's Christmas, it's family, c'mon

Where are this family going to be when the op buys the food, cleans the house, cooks the meal, serves the meal? Her husband doesn’t clear or wipe tables or hoover or wash up. He’s going to sit on his bum while she does all this and also while she drives his parent home. Do you have a house slave too, is that why you think it’s not ok for someone to not want to do everything? It sounds very convenient I have to admit for the rest of them.

Bunda · 20/12/2023 21:34

I would take them home. And it would be on my time too so if they were getting on my nerves I can be ready to take them home early

ripplingwater · 20/12/2023 21:45

It’s easy to say you get to set the time they leave but have you ever tried to tell a drunk person it’s time to go?!?! It never works!!

It's not that hard. I don't drink and if I'm giving people a lift then they leave when it's convenient to ME. I'm doing them a favour so they don't really have the right to get arsey about it.

I'd warn them beforehand what time is convenient for you to drive them home. If they refuse to leave or be ready, then I'd simply be changing into my PJs and going up to bed to read or watch TV. You've done your bit then and offered them a lift and they have declined so after that it would be your DH's responsibility to get them a taxi and I wouldn't concern myself with it any more.

You are acting as if people can force you to drive them home when they really can't. You have to draw a boundary somewhere, unless you enjoy driving drunk people home at 3am.