AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

[Netball01]

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

But you've had so many posters who say they would and have done something like this (and a lot more). Not everyone who drinks does so at every occasion - my dh and I usually agree one (sometimes both of us) won't drink alcohol at occasions when we think either sets of parents might appreciate a lift, and either we or someone from the wider family will generally check if the ILs/parents would like a lift to or from family events so they can relax and have a drink if they want to.

We're not martyrs, we just want to make life a bit easier/more pleasant for PILs/parents now that they're older and obviously not immortal.

You haven't answered why your dh does nothing to help you on Christmas Day - sounds like he should have anticipated your ILs would like a lift and asked you if that would be ok and then offered it to them. In general, sounds like you've a DH problem rather than an IL problem.

If you want to handle expectations, just tell them that you're looking forward to hosting them and that you'll be driving them home by 9 pm (or whenever). Then remind them half an hour before it's time to go. And in future, get your dh to talk to them if they're coming over to tell them whether or not you can give them a lift.

I have to say it becomes taken for granted I had an uncle who was the same used to pick him up take him with us not just on Christmas Day he would never offered petrol money he was asked once to pay his share of travelling expenses (not short of money) he went mad , we have not invited him for Xmas day since. Have to say much easier without him moaning about contributing to food & taxi. Less stressful.

I've done lifts for the ILs on Christmas day and I do drink.

Tbh I'd just do it. It's not far. You can dictate the time they leave to a degree, and have 15mins peace on the way home.
Good to get a favour in the bag aswell.

@Netball01 so how are they getting to your house OP?? my family all like to have a drink and my hubby is like you, tee total. He never ever had to drive anyone home. we always had about 14 other people for christmas dinner! one day without a drink would do them no harm and they can still hhave a drink when they get home!

So many people saying you're being unreasonable but I don't agree with this at all.

They have made an assumption and haven't asked. If they'd asked it would be a different picture. It's wrong of them to think that because you chose not to drink that you will be their taxi.

The other is that hosting is hard. The last thing I'd want to do afterwards is drive them home. Especially as they are hubby's family and not yours. Chances are that you'll be managing the dinner whilst he's entertaining and then they expect you to take them home when all you want to do is tidy up and put your feet up. If you're like me you'll find it exhausting, just entertaining, and will want to have a sit down and relax afterwards.

If they are a 15 minute drive they can walk. It's not far. Probably about an hour's walk. They can use it to sober up.

Why are non drinkers always assumed to be the taxi? Yes they are bU

Given that you have said how little DH has done towards Christmas, the 1/2 hour of free time while you are out being a taxi seems like the perfect time for him to do the washing up and getting the kettle on for a cuppa when you return

I’d have offered to if they drink and you don’t, it’s not like it’s 3 hr round trip but I’d tell them it needs to be early eve ad you want to settle down and relax for the evening- good way to get rid of them early! If they don’t like that then suggest a taxi

It's the principle. It doesn't matter who its for, how long the journey is... Just because you're tee-total doesn't mean you're an automatic taxi driver....

My guess is you would happily do it if were ASKED not "expected to do it".

Xmas can be a stressful day as it is, maybe you want to chill on the sofa and can't fully relax because your expected to drive later that evening?

Whatever you decide to do, my advice would be to nip this in the bud as resentment may grow in the future.

As a PP has said, tell them at the start of the day what time you will be leaving to drop them home. Remind them 30 minutes before that time. If they won't get in the car at the time you specify, then tell them you won't be driving them. They will walk over you if you allow it and if you allow it, you can't moan about it.

im with you op. I’m teetotal and get fed up of people assuming I’ll give lifts because I don’t drink. I don’t particularly like driving and while I don’t mind offering from time to time it gets a bit much when people just assume I’ll drive, even worse when I’m not offered petrol money or buying me a coke at least! They can get a taxi.

I think the expectation is cheeky since you're hosting and presumably will be getting your house ready and doing all the prep and cooking too. Maybe you can drop them home while DH does all the washing up and cleaning up. Sounds fair to me.

Offering is one thing, expectation is another. I understand why your back is up - your choice to be tee total doesn’t equate to default taxi. They’re been rude. Even asking nicely would have been better than expecting it.

The assumption from them that you’d do it is quite annoying- saying that, I’d just suck it up and do it if it wasn’t happening often.

Drinkers (and I am one!) can be staggeringly entitled over lifts. DH basically doesn't drink but this is for his own reasons/benefit, it doesn't mean people can assume he is happy to give lifts. As it happens he is pretty generous and will always come out late to pick me or one of the (grown-up) DCs a lift home, but the expectation, which is also all too apparent on this thread, that he is a free taxi service and it's really no big deal is really quite an assumption.

Personally I would find it mean to not want to give them a lift. It’s a 30 minute round trip what’s the big deal?

Just to say I drink and wouldn’t expect you to drop me off after hosting Christmas, it’s an exhausting task in itself. I’d just tell them you’ll be too tired and that they’ll need to make their own way home. Otherwise it’ll be so late before you get to relax and unwind.

You clearly don’t like your inlaws do you? And you’re making that clear to them and your husband if you decide to say no. It’s 30 mins total out of your day so that your family can spend it together, hardly a big ask. It would be different if driving them was the reason you’re not drinking but if you’re t-total then that’s clearly not the case. Just suck it up and do it and stop acting like doing your FAMILY a small favour is such a big ask. Or don’t do it and deal with the ruined Christmas when the in laws don’t come or come but are not festive as they are having to stay completely sober thanks to you not wanting to give 30 mins of your time.

Or don’t do it and deal with the ruined Christmas when the in laws don’t come or come but are not festive as they are having to stay completely sober thanks to you not wanting to give 30 mins of your time.

Drink is far too important to some people!

Would go, not festive as have to stay sober.

How bloody ridiculous!

I really don't understand why people are giving the OP such a roasting.

Over 80% of you think this woman (who is holding the family together) is being unreasonable not wanting to leave her home to drive 2 drunk people home, when taxis are an option. Really ?

Give me strength

Give the woman a break - no one in her family is.

She is not being unreasonable not to want to drive anywhere late on Christmas night after having done all the prep in the lead up to Christmas, cooked and cleared up after Christmas lunch with a DH who thinks he's doing his bit offering his Mum a glass of sherry every half hour. She is doing everything else to make Christmas day special - surely she is 'allowed' to say no this is too much, for one thing

This is the straw that breaks the camel's back - the expectation of something. It's very thoughtless of her in-laws and her 'D'H and she's perfectly right to feel miffed. This is the sort of drip-drip disrespect that leads to marriages and relationships breaking down.

DH should drive them, it's hardly a big deal to avoid drinking until after they go home.

Well you would think so wouldn't you?

Seems it's more important that he should be able to drink though!

Given that, typically, women do all the damn work at Christmas, let your husband go and pick his parents up and drop them off. It's not fair to put yet another job on you just because you don't drink, no doubt you also want to try and get some relaxation in and enjoy the holiday too.

I'm glad it sounds like you are going to refuse to do this, OP?

Are you going to tell DH in advance? I think it's best they know so DH can either not drink and drop them himself or in laws can book a cab.

Also, why won't DH wash up?

Is your husband putting pressure on you to do it, because he's already presumptuously told them you will? Personally after hosting all day I don't think you are unreasonable