AIBU re lifts over Christmas ?

[Netball01]

We are hosting my in-laws on Christmas Day this year - I’ve just found out that they are expecting me to drop them home as they want to have a drink and I’m teetotal. AIBU to think this is cheeky and to say no ? My DH is putting on the pressure for me to do it.

For context, they live about 15 mins away so it would be a 30 min round trip for me. We aren’t asking for any contribution towards hosting (financial or otherwise).

YABU - give them a lift
YANBU - don’t give them a lift

I don’t drink, and I don’t mind giving anyone a lift. In fact my mum is going to my ex sister in laws on Xmas day, 15 minutes drive away, and I’m collecting her to take her home which is around the corner from me. Getting a taxi would cost a fortune, so I think it’s no big deal and you should be gracious and take them home, it is Xmas after all.

This happens to me too because I don't drink but it's mainly the expectation of you driving that's annoying !!

Are you cooking and washing up the entire Christmas lunch as well while your DH lounges around?

If hubby wants them to have a lift then HE can do it. Or perhaps leave the dishes to him and take them home while he clears up

If you’d rather relax just book and pay the taxi for them this year

Personally I'd play this to my advantage as a way to get them out of my house a bit earlier then expected. Tell the time you'd be happy to drop them home and if they want to stay longer, then they'll have to get a taxi as you'll be be having a long hot bath and lounging in front of the tv from (insert whatever time you want them gone by).

Went on holiday with another couple to Portugal who assumed because I was pregnant I would do all the driving back from restaurants. I was well fed up as it was tiring and I never got to see the views. If you are doing most of the Xmas work of house prep and cleaning shopping and cooking then yes I can understand how you would feel. Look at it another way. You can dictate when they leave eg you will drive them but only before 6pm as later you will be tired after the early start getting the turkey in the oven.

YABU. It’s only 30 minutes and you won’t be drinking anyway.

My Mum is teetotal so was always happy to do the lifts back at Christmas. However, we said thanks but no, we walked or got a taxi as wouldn't dream of putting her out, because she's older and not fair on her. As a daughter I really wouldn't think twice about getting my elders home in a warm car. X

Taking them home at the end of the day doesn’t sound like a big deal to me. Is it because you will feel tired at the end of the day and you won’t want to venture out?

I don't think you are BU to not want to drive them home after hosting.

Your husband should be encouraging them to get a taxi not pressuring you to give them a lift.

How much do they do for you? You say it's your first Christmas hosting - do they normally host you - if so I would consider it.

If they do very little for you and you do lots for them - stuff that.

If you do give them a lift, the least they and your husband can do is all the clearing away.

Tell your husband, if he wants them to get a lift so desperately perhaps he should cough up for the taxi.

What time do you think they will want to go home? I would expect them to ask you personally, and definitely give them a home time so you can settle down later. But I would totally understand if you didn't want to as drop them off ,
If you do , make an arrangement with your DH that he does something while you are gone, washing up & Tidying around putting kids to bed but make sure he does something, don't leave him get away with it. Otherwise tell him he can not have a drink and take them.

Tell them DH has kindly offered to pay for a taxi for them.

So you host all day, and act as taxi too. That’s cheeky. They need to arrange a taxi and let you put your feet up. That’s what we do when our SIL hosts us, would never expect her to drop us home.

How mean. Give them a lift - it won’t hurt you.

What happened to festive cheers and being kind. You’d give your own parents a lift so why not his parents.

What time will they want to leave to go home ?
I have visions of you trying hard to stay awake while waiting for them to start to wake.
Or a vision if you disappearing for a bath and then DH coming to find you and you all tucked up in bed..knackered

If it was over 45mins away one way then no but seeing as it's only a total of 30mins, I have no problem doing that especially as I do t drink either. Unless your pregnant or wanting to drink then YABU

The DH - by choosing to have a drink - is making a choice not to drive his parents home. But seems to think the OP should choose to drive them.

If I was asked in advance if I'd mind then I'd probably do it fairly happily. I can't stand anyone assuming that I should do something or worse still, landing it on me on the day.

A few years ago a few of us (partners of men who worked together) went to bingo as a get to know you social. We weren't friends but had met before. It was a weekday so I'd been working and was tired but went anyway. I had to drive to get to the meeting point which was one person's house. The third person didn't drive so her husband dropped her off. It was about 40 minutes away from my house. We went out, it was an OK night. No friendships were going to come from it but it was friendly enough. I was just about to leave when non-driver said that she needed me to drop her home. She lived about an the other direction to my house which meant that I'd have an additional 2 hours driving and a lot of that was narrow country roads which I don't particularly like driving at night. She started saying how if I didn't take her home then I'd be causing her disabled child to be brought out of bed in the middle of the night and how that would affect her health etc etc. Then she said her husband had had a couple of drinks so couldn't collect her anyway. I was completely railroaded into taking her home as there was nobody else who hadn't had a drink. No offers of fuel money or anything. I ended up getting home at about 2am and I was furious. It ended up causing fractures in the men's working relationship as well unfortunately. Though they all moved on to other things naturally over the next couple of years.

Have you noticed that it's your in-laws you are angry with, not your DH?
It's him suggesting it, isn't it.

Why can't he stay sober til they go home.
Have you asked him to give them a lift home?

His sole job is to get everyone a drink.

While you are red faced and hassled in the back kitchen clattering the pots and pans.

People should always sort out their own drives. I would never expect anyone to serve as host and taxi driver. If a drive is offered that is one thing, demanded is entirely another.

YABU I would have offered when I invited them.

What happened to being kind?

What happened to managing yourself and not being a pain in the ass? Not drinking shouldn't come with a built in chore.

I often choose not to drink so that I can drive, and I enjoy doing others a favour and driving them home if it’s not too far out of my way. As long as they appreciate it. A taxi can be especially difficult to get hold of at Christmas and also very expensive. I think for this once it would be nice for you to offer, unless you think they will stay up drinking past the time you want to go to bed, in which case you’re not BU.