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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NFI - not invited, how to not be upset

188 replies

cornishone · 17/12/2023 23:16

I think I haven't been invited to something and I'm upset about it. But I don't know whether I should be or not.

I was at an event this weekend with a group of friends. As we were leaving several of them said to each other that they would see each other on Friday.

I didn't think anything of it. However my son later asked if we were going to said friend's house, because his friend (her daughter) had mentioned it.

I now don't know what to do. It will be awkward if he turns up, because then my friend will know that I know that it is happening and that I haven't been invited.

But I can't be upfront just in case DS (and me) have got the wrong end of the stick.

For context, Christmas is a really difficult time of year for me. I get that I'm maybe not much fun to be around and it's easier without me.

But I'm hurt.

OP posts:
Original poster
cornishone · 17/12/2023 23:26

I think I'm upset because I feel like I'm too difficult to be around.

OP posts:
Vanillalime · 17/12/2023 23:34

Is there any way you could reach out to your friend and mention you heard there is an event on Friday and you’d be interested in attending?

You could just say your son mentioned it but you weren’t sure if you were invited? I’d try to keep it really bright and breezy.

If you are not invited, don’t take it to heart. There could be lots of reasons (different group of friends/numbers/family etc). Maybe you could plan something else for you & your son to do instead.

Original poster
cornishone · 17/12/2023 23:36

I think it would be awkward.

It's a relatively small group of friends with a bit of overlap with a couple of other people, but I definitely wouldn't come across as 'breezy' if I mentioned it.

OP posts:
mottytotty · 17/12/2023 23:37

It will be awkward if he turns up, because then my friend will know that I know that it is happening and that I haven't been invited.

If who turns up sorry?

Original poster
cornishone · 17/12/2023 23:38

Dammit - I've asked Mumsnet to sort out my name change.

OP posts:
mottytotty · 17/12/2023 23:39

cornishone · 17/12/2023 23:38

Dammit - I've asked Mumsnet to sort out my name change.

Just edit it and put a full stop for now.

Original poster
cornishone · 17/12/2023 23:39

mottytotty · 17/12/2023 23:37

It will be awkward if he turns up, because then my friend will know that I know that it is happening and that I haven't been invited.

If who turns up sorry?

Sorry. If my son turns up because her daughter has invited him, but we haven't been invited.

In the past (when the kids were younger), it's been adults invited and we've brought our children along.

OP posts:
PastorCarrBonarra · 17/12/2023 23:39

How old is your son and her daughter?

What I’m getting at, is are they older teens/young adults who are friends in their own right and would invite each other to things? In which case, it’s possible that he is invited in his own right as her guest iyswim.

Sorry if I’ve explained that badly!

mottytotty · 17/12/2023 23:40

cornishone · 17/12/2023 23:39

Sorry. If my son turns up because her daughter has invited him, but we haven't been invited.

In the past (when the kids were younger), it's been adults invited and we've brought our children along.

Show quote history

Oh I see. That’s a good opportunity, message your friend and say her dd had invited your son to the event, but you wanted to check with her if he was invited before agreeing to take him.

Original poster
cornishone · 17/12/2023 23:41

PastorCarrBonarra · 17/12/2023 23:39

How old is your son and her daughter?

What I’m getting at, is are they older teens/young adults who are friends in their own right and would invite each other to things? In which case, it’s possible that he is invited in his own right as her guest iyswim.

Sorry if I’ve explained that badly!

Yes they are older teens, so he is invited in his own right.

But we are good friends so it would be very odd if he was there and I wasn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
cornishone · 17/12/2023 23:42

We live within walking distance so need to drop off or pick up.

OP posts:
LinneM · 17/12/2023 23:45

Besides the point but how do people still have name change fails on threads? When you comment on a thread, that same username sticks to that thread unless you change it yourself.

Is it maybe different if you use the app or something?

Original poster
cornishone · 17/12/2023 23:46

I'm on the app. I have to change it every time 🙄. I can't edit either.

OP posts:
AngelAurora · 17/12/2023 23:49

Sorry but if you are difficult to be around I would not invite you either. No point being hurt by it. Just get on with your life.

mottytotty · 17/12/2023 23:50

@cornishone before you start a thread, go to Settings and change your username.

Then you don’t have to change it every time.

mottytotty · 17/12/2023 23:51

AngelAurora · 17/12/2023 23:49

Sorry but if you are difficult to be around I would not invite you either. No point being hurt by it. Just get on with your life.

That’s a bit mean, OP never said she was difficult to be around. Why would you say that?

LinneM · 17/12/2023 23:52

cornishone · 17/12/2023 23:46

I'm on the app. I have to change it every time 🙄. I can't edit either.

Oh no that’s so annoying. The app sounds ridiculous😂

Anyway to respond to your post, I personally wouldn’t say anything. Is they’ve purposely not invited you then it’s putting them in an awkward position to ask them outright. If your son is going then they must know that you’d eventually know about it?

PastorCarrBonarra · 17/12/2023 23:52

cornishone · 17/12/2023 23:41

Yes they are older teens, so he is invited in his own right.

But we are good friends so it would be very odd if he was there and I wasn't.

Show quote history

Ah I see. In that case it may be worth your son checking with the daughter as to who is invited?

Would you like to go?

LinneM · 17/12/2023 23:53

mottytotty · 17/12/2023 23:51

That’s a bit mean, OP never said she was difficult to be around. Why would you say that?

Show quote history

OP said that she may not be much fun to be around and it’s easier to be without her. I’m guessing that’s how the pp came to the conclusion that the OP’s difficult

TinselTitts · 17/12/2023 23:54

Ask you son to clarify with the girl if you've been invited?

Ghentsummer · 17/12/2023 23:54

mottytotty · 17/12/2023 23:51

That’s a bit mean, OP never said she was difficult to be around. Why would you say that?

Show quote history

Well she did say she's not fun to be around and worries that she's difficult to be around. That poster didn't get the idea from thin air.

TinselTitts · 17/12/2023 23:56

LinneM · 17/12/2023 23:53

OP said that she may not be much fun to be around and it’s easier to be without her. I’m guessing that’s how the pp came to the conclusion that the OP’s difficult

Show quote history

The OP actually said I think I'm upset because I feel like I'm too difficult to be around.

StellaAndCrow · 17/12/2023 23:56

Ghentsummer · 17/12/2023 23:54

Well she did say she's not fun to be around and worries that she's difficult to be around. That poster didn't get the idea from thin air.

Show quote history

Yes, but I imagine it's because of something like she's been bereaved, and other people find it difficult to know what to say
(I don't know if it is something like that, but that's the vibes I'm getting).

Original poster
cornishone · 17/12/2023 23:58

At the risk of drip feeding.

I'm difficult to be around because my child died.

So Christmas is hard.

I may not want to go, it's a tough week. But it hurts to be left out.

OP posts:
Sid077 · 17/12/2023 23:58

As the saying goes Let Them. I would notice future interactions with the host and go from there it may be a mistake not extending invite but maybe not.

If your son is invited and wants to go I personally wouldn’t have an issue with this.