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AIBU?

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Original poster

CF Sister in Law

283 replies

DailyMailHater · 17/12/2023 21:04

SIL has been having a hard time recently, end of long term relationship and made redundant and is struggling for money , she called DH yesterday to say she has no food in the cupboards and no money.

Dh and I each pay 50/50 on household bills etc and then all other finances are separate , DH said he didn’t have much to help her at the moment, but I said I could as I have some extra this month due to Xmas bonus… so suggested we do an online food shop for her to be delivered this week, (she lives 3hrs away) , my view is she is family and if you can help out, you help out.

DH spoke to her and she said that would be really appreciated and then proceeded to send an extensive list through (first hint of CF!)

I managed to get a delivery slot with her local supermarket for Tuesday afternoon and added everything off her list - mostly tins and frozen foods so long lasting and should keep her going for a while, I then added a few extras like her fav biscuits, a bottle of wine and some flowers just to cheer her up as she is really down at the money in total it came to almost £200

DH text her and confirmed delivery date and time etc (was surprised to get a slot - Xmas week!) all good.

She has then called today and asked if we can see if we can change delivery to Tuesday morning as she has booked a last minute 2-day spa break (about 1.5hrs away from her home) to relax and de-stress from all the recent upset and needs to leave at lunch time on Tuesday to “make the most of it”

I am shocked that she feels it is ok to do this after pleading poverty - i said DH should ask where this money suddenly came from considering I have just done her food shop for her he says it is none of our business….

I am happy to help family out but this is totally taking the piss isn’t it?

OP posts:
cockadoodledandy · 17/12/2023 21:06

Yes, it is. I think I'd tell her it can't be moved, only cancelled so that's the best thing to do.

Overthebow · 17/12/2023 21:07

Yes, tell her that as she seems to have enough money for a spa break she can pay for her own shopping.

ChocolateTVandbaby · 17/12/2023 21:07

cockadoodledandy · 17/12/2023 21:06

Yes, it is. I think I'd tell her it can't be moved, only cancelled so that's the best thing to do.

My first thought was is she paying for it or is it a gift? Perhaps from another family member or a friend she's pleased poverty to?

Otherwise PP's suggestion of be there to accept it or it will be cancelled is a good idea. I would be annoyed too.

BuddyBuddyBumBum · 17/12/2023 21:07

She’s absolutely taking the piss! Cancel the groceries, if she can afford a spa break she can afford to do her own bloody shopping!

MerchSwyddEfrog · 17/12/2023 21:08

Wow. She must have money if she’s going away on a spa break. I would cancel the delivery. That’s so cheeky.

OrigamiOwl · 17/12/2023 21:08

Absolutely taking the piss. Remember this next time she comes begging.

MaggieFS · 17/12/2023 21:08

Yes, absolutely CF given its last minute and not something which was already in the diary and paid for.

She made it your business when she said she couldn't afford food. Given it's your bonus which is being spent, I'd reply and say "Seeing as you've obviously found some money, I'll just cancel the order and let you rebook for yourself when convenient. Enjoy the spa xxx".

It's one thing to feel sorry for yourself, but an overnight spa is £££££.

SALWARP2023 · 17/12/2023 21:09

You're committed now but I'd amend order to cover only the basics and never financially help again. Offer other support but not money.

Londonrach1 · 17/12/2023 21:09

Yes, cancel the food shop. No way you pay £200 for food....

octoberfarm · 17/12/2023 21:10

I'd first clarify that she's not received the spa break as a gift, as you don't want to blow the whole thing up if it's that another family member or close friend is doing something nice for her. If she is paying for it though, I would be pretty put out!

Scarletttulips · 17/12/2023 21:10

Seeing as you've obviously found some money, I'll just cancel the order and let you rebook for yourself when convenient. Enjoy the spa xxx"

perfect

Lighrbulbmo · 17/12/2023 21:10

Wow! 😮 that is premier league level taking the piss. I wouldn’t change it, say you can’t. If the shop can’t be delivered they refund you. Problem goes away.

BananaPyjamaLlama · 17/12/2023 21:11

I would be cancelling the delivery.

Iloveacurry · 17/12/2023 21:11

How is she paying for the spa if she doesn’t have money for food?

wite · 17/12/2023 21:12

Don't worry, I've cancelled it as you've obviously got yourself out of the tight spot. Have a lovely holiday x

Dominoeffecter · 17/12/2023 21:13

Find out who is paying for the spa first

callainblue · 17/12/2023 21:13

"Seeing as you've obviously found some money, I'll just cancel the order and let you rebook for yourself when convenient. Enjoy the spa xxx"

Perf

PinkiOcelot · 17/12/2023 21:14

I would be cancelling the food shop.

MeridianB · 17/12/2023 21:15

Surely if it was a gift she’d have mentioned that?

Ask her. And if she’s paid for it then cancel the groceries.

Bonjovispjs · 17/12/2023 21:16

Unbelievable cheeky fuckery, I would absolutely cancel it

TheThingIsYeah · 17/12/2023 21:17

wite · 17/12/2023 21:12

Don't worry, I've cancelled it as you've obviously got yourself out of the tight spot. Have a lovely holiday x

Brilliant response

scoobydoo1971 · 17/12/2023 21:22

You have been very kind. However, SIL will continue to sponge off you both if you reward her lack of financial budgeting. This may drive a wedge between you and your husband, and she has already shown she is not worthy of your generous spirit. If she gets the food, it is rewarding her bad behaviour. She will think she can come knocking next time she fancies a weekend away while the cupboard is empty. If you ring the shop, they can cancel your order. You can always tell her the shop cancelled the slot and you are unable to rebook due to technical issues.

Nicole1111 · 17/12/2023 21:23

callainblue · 17/12/2023 21:13

"Seeing as you've obviously found some money, I'll just cancel the order and let you rebook for yourself when convenient. Enjoy the spa xxx"

Perf

This ☝🏻
The absolute audacity 😱 and the fact she clearly can’t see she’s being cheeky given that she so willingly volunteered information about her spa trip

2jacqi · 17/12/2023 21:23

@DailyMailHater if you cancel do you get your money refunded?? if so i would cancel and tell her that perhaps she should cancel her spa day and put the money towards the food she needs! bloody cheek she has!!!

EndOfMyTether11 · 17/12/2023 21:26

Cancel it.